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humping invisible sticks

You are standing in an open feild west of a white house, with a boarded front door. There is a mailbox here.
I love Zork. I even once started making my own text adventure game using the wonderful and free TADS system. I got one brilliant room finished before I lost interest. I’d like to try again one day, yeah. If you’ve never played Zork before, you are not a true computer nerd. This online Java version even supports saving and loading of game states so you can play anywhere and take your progress with you. Beware though, you can get addicted pretty quick.

Today I am not at work, I’m at home and it’s awesome. I took a vacation day since the drywall guy was coming out to do some repair work for my home warranty. Turns out he was a really nice guy, and took pity on me when I showed him my poorly-repaired laundry room ceiling. You know, where Wes put his foot through? Anyway, in addition to fixing the warranty items he came out for, he fixed the laundry room ceiling for $40 cash. Beats the $150 minimum charge that most drywall guys charge. And now he’s gone and I have the rest of the day to myself. I told myself last night that I would use some of this time to get some cleaning done around the house, but that hasn’t happened yet.

I migrated Sharaun’s PC to the freeware program last night, and moved my own one step closer by swapping a hacked Norton AntiVirus for the free AVG. No more stealin’. Oh, except for mp3s? I will “steal” those forever. Right now I download on average about 7 gigs a month of mp3, they have their own external 120GB drive to live on. Granted some gets tossed out once I learn it’s crap – but I keep the majority of it. Sometimes I download stuff I know I won’t like, just because there’s so much bustle about it online.

For instance, in general I’m not a hip-hop fan at all. Now, I do make the occasional exception – I loved Jay Z’s Black Album and Speakerboxxx/The Love Below, for instance. But for the most part I pass on the hip and the hop. (Oh, and don’t bother with the Grey Album folks – it’s mostly hype). But when I saw Pitchfork give Madvillain’s new album the uber-rare 9+ rating and call it “inexhaustibly brilliant” while daring me to find “a better hip-hop album this year,” I had to try it out. So, I grabbed it (no, I don’t use P2P and I’m not a’scared of the RIAA, get on the NNTP train people). Surprisingly, I like it. The beats are intricate and the Carlinesque 7-words style filth that so dominates mainstream rap and hip-hop is completely, and thankfully, missing. Granted, it’s chock full of marijuana imagery? but what undie hip hop isn’t? Imagine, songs with beats and rhymes not about “humping invisible sticks” and “sweat dripping down balls.” This album reminds me of the stuff we’d pick up after reading about it in the back of High Times, you know – the purple-haze-days of Dr. Octagon and Y’all So Stupid. What?! Rap sucks.

The weekend calls me away, I’m out.

Posted on

nowarez

Free speech, free everything.
I’m so glad I’m not dating. Maybe it’s not the case for everyone, but for me I think being single would suck. I have absolutely no desire to get out and trawl the singles crowd for dates. Going out, spending money, pretending to have a good time with a bunch of jackasses just to get in good with a woman. Forget it. Walking on eggshells for the first few months not knowing what’s acceptable and what’s not, basically being someone who you aren’t until you’re comfortable enough to be yourself. At least, that’s how it looks from the outside. I never want to have to deal with that crap again. It all seems so forced and awkward. I get to come home every night to someone who knows me better than anyone, and knows all my faults already. No surprises, no having to “show out” to make an impression, no having to feign interest in boring stories. So yeah I’m not going home in a drunken haze each night, sleeping with a different hot chick who I met at the club… but that sits just fine with me. I’d rather go home each night, work around the house – maybe pay some bills or watch a movie with the wife. Oh man… I’m old.

I went to Sams Club at lunch and bought eight pairs of shorts. That’s right, eight pairs. Four of one variety, four of another. I don’t get too fancy with my fashion – so let’s just say I got four of the “jean” variety and four of the “cargo” variety, that’s about as much differentiation as my mind makes. Why buy so many, you ask? Because they were a ridiculously made-in-Honduras-by-bleeding-fingered-children $10 a pair. And, I hate shopping. Seriously. For each leg-covering item of clothing I own, I memorize the one or two brands on God’s earth that actually fit me. When I see that brand in my size, I buy out the store. That way, I have plenty to wear during summer laundry droughts – and I won’t have to buy shorts again for at least a year.

Sharaun can’t understand how I can go to one store, try on a pair of pants that fits, buy five of them and leave. Where’s the fun in that? I mean, ideally I should spend time at tens of different stores, trying on something different in each one in search of the elusive magic pair. You can have that gig, I’m all about finding something that works and sticking with it. Then again, for years I thought my dad’s work required him to wear a uniform consisting of a light blue shirt and dark blue pants. ‘Round high school I discovered that he could actually wear anything he wanted to work – but he only had light blue shirts and dark blue pants. So while I’m all for the Fordization of my wardrobe, I don’t really wanna be like a cartoon character and wear the same outfit every day of my life. No offense pops, you know I loves ya.

Nerds, I’m about to talk right to ya. Non-nerds, I’m sorry.

I finally kicked off “project freeware” on my home PC. I’ve decided I don’t want to pirate software anymore. However, being as I’m not rich yet – I can’t just go around paying for all the unpaid-for warez I’ve become dependant on. So what to do? For a long time, I thought the ideal situation would be to move entirely to Linux. However, after several failed attempts – I gave up on Linux. When I can’t figure out how to set the screen resolution without going into X-Windows and doing some 1337 root magic, it’s just not ready to be my main OS. Also, I decided a long time ago that I like Windows XP a lot. I like it so much I’d even be willing to pay for it. So, I decided I’d buy Windows XP and be legal there – but I still needed to address the applications.

Easy, I decided I’d run a legal OS, and use only freeware applications. At first I thought it’d be impossible – but I soon realized that there are some really robust and awesome, not to mention completely free, alternatives to nearly all the major applications I use. Turns out that I don’t even care what program I’m using – as long as it gets the job done. Whatever brand loyalty I’ve developed with certain pieces of software is easily thrown out the window when I find a free alternative. So, I sat down and uninstalled everything I could find a freeware alternative to.

My keygen’d WinZip and WinRAR fell victim to ZipGenius. A patched version of Homesite was replaced by the freeware HTML editor 1stPage. A cracked copy of the NNTP newsreader Newsbin was replaced by the much better GrabIt. Keygen’d image viewer ACDSee was trumped by the just-as-good SlowView. And the shocker, the bootleg version of Adobe’s excellent $600 Photoshop was replaced with the completely free and totally rad GIMP. I know, I didn’t think I could ever get rid of Photoshop – but after downloading the GIMP2.0 and mucking around for 5min I was able to create just as good of a manipulated image as I could’ve done with PS. Oh, and Diskeeper and Magic File Renamer were replaced by a 7-line VB script and Rename Master, respectively.

Yes, there are still some apps that I just can’t let go yet – mainly because I can’t find a good enough freeware alternative to them. But, I was seriously surprised that after replacing everything I could – I was left with only three… apps that I couldn’t or wouldn’t find freeware alternatives to.

#1: Microsoft Office XP. Yes, I’ve got OpenOffice installed and it’s simply amazing. It does everything MS Office can do, and has 100% compatibility with MS Office files. The only reason I haven’t uninstalled MS Office and gone over to OpenOffice – MS Access. There is no comparable database application for OpenOffice. All my websites are designed with MS Access and use JetSQL – I have to have Access. Don’t give me any crap about using MySQL under OpenOffice’s datasource windows… I’ve tried that route and it just doesn’t work as well as Access. Plus, I’d have to rewrite all my pages from the ground up. Cool thing is, we have a program through work where I can score Office XP Pro for $15. Ideally, I’d like to move away from MS Office and go to OpenOffice… but not until they get some Access-like functionality.

#2: Nero Burning ROM. There are some pretty sharp looking freeware burning apps out there, DeepBurner and CDBurnerXP Pro for example. However, neither of them work with my DVD burner – and neither have the integrated (S)VCD tools that Nero does. I know, I could do all the needed VCD work with other freeware apps and create an ISO for one of the above freeware apps, but having Nero do all the conversion and TOC setup for DVDs and VCDs is just so nice. I think, if one of the better freeware burning apps becomes compatible with my burner – I will go ahead and uninstall Nero. It’s worth the couple of extra steps to create a DVD/VCD to have one less piece of pirated software on my machine. CDBurnerXP Pro looks the best to me – but until they support the Pioneer 104 DVD-R/W drive… I gotta have Nero.

#3: Norton Antivirus…. Number three really doesn’t count, since there are some alternatives – I just haven’t acted on one yet. I’ve seen AVG Free Edition, which boasts free downloadable reference-file updates, e-mail scanning, drive scanning, and automatic updating. I’m extremely tempted to try out AVG, but afraid that it won’t be updated quickly enough or something – and I’ll be infected with something nasty. However, all the feedback I’ve read says the program works great. People praise it for protecting their PCs for months with autoupdates and e-mail scanning. I think NAV will be the next major removal in my quest toward 100% freeware – and AVG will be its replacement. We also get McAffee free for home use through work – so I really have no excuse here.

#4: Norton Ghost. Here’s a tough one. I use Ghost to make regular backups of my hard drive. I’ve searched, but it seems there are no freeware alternatives to Ghost. There are “cheapware” apps like Acronis True Image, which is supposed to be excellent and only costs $50 – but nothing completely free as far as I can tell.

So, the freeware conversions is nearly complete. I think I can go 100% legal on the PC in no time at all. Just to give full credit where credit is due, there are plenty of other freeware apps I use religiously that I didn’t mention above because they weren’t specifically replacing anything in the big conversion of Wednesday night. For audio ripping I use CDEx. For a little browser privacy I use IE Privacy Keeper. To block pop-ups I use the Google Toolbar. For spyware removal I use AdAware and Spybot. For text editing I use Editpad Lite. For FTP I use WSFTP LE. For batch image resizing I use PicSizer. I listen to all my mp3s in Winamp. For MSN chat encryption I use Simp Lite. I have a hardware firewall, but if I didn’t I’d be using ZoneAlarm. And while it’s not really a freeware/payware situation – I use the K-Lite alternatives to Quicktime and RealPlayer, since those two apps are so bloated and system-domination bent. I also use the excellent K-Lite Codec Pack to make sure I have all the relevant codecs required of an active computer nerd.

No more warez? I must be growing up. Dave out.

Posted on

please don’t add me to the axis

Flotsam?
With a brother in the Army, I think sometimes about those guys. I got curious about how much the government pays its dogs of war, and come to find out that’s all public information. You can find out what any military employee makes as long as you know their rank and years of service. Turns out that the low-man on the totem pole doesn’t make that much. This page says an E3 with less than two years time only grosses about $1500/mo, with a variable housing allowance depending on where you’re stationed. Of course, if you’re fighting overseas or away from family you get a little more for hazard and hardship – but I bet it’s still slim. I figure the majority of the “soldiers” actually stalking around the desert and shooting people would be Ex ranks. Only the brass make the bucks it seems. While it’s not my job of choice, I’m damn glad there are people willing to do it. Just like I’m glad there are people that want to fix cars for a living, or teach mentally handicapped kids or unplug toilets. All things I could not, or would rather not, do – but all necessary. Army – I’m not trying to compare you auto mechanics or the mentally handicapped, just using a bit o’ parallelism to make a point. Please don’t add me to the Axis of Evil.

Sharaun’s been so stressed lately with her class. It’s apparently school-wide knowledge that she’s got the absolute worst bunch of kids. She said she’ll take her kids to another room for Spanish or computers, and when she comes to pick them up the resource teacher just hugs her and whispers, “You’ve only got three more months.” A couple of her bad apples are constantly getting suspended, and not just for cutesy elementary school things. They’ve got fistfights, sexual harassment, public urination, grand theft, and a laundry list of other offenses.

She’s got good kids, but I can see how it would only take a few kids to make the whole situation a complete nightmare. What’s worse is the parents who actually complain when their kids are sent to the principal. It’s never the child’s fault. It’s either racism, singling out or harassing a child for no reason, or not giving them enough focused instruction. Anyone’s fault but the kids, or God forbid – the parents. In the same day, parents will come to the school to bitch at the administrators for “depriving” their child of classroom time by sending them to the principal for peeing on the playground, and won’t show up for meeting scheduled months in advance to discuss that child’s possible learning disability and behavioral problems.

Being a teacher must be extremely hard. I would imagine that in some ways it might be like being a nurse or doctor, where you have to learn to not take things personally. In those kind of jobs, you’re the catalyst that defines another person’s outcome. Nurses and doctors are in the driver’s seat with peoples’ health and lives, and teachers are responsible for the academic development of young minds. I realize that neither the nurse, doctor, nor teacher is really 100% accountable for the outcomes of others – but that must be a hard thing to keep in mind when you’re actually working those jobs. At least, I know Sharaun has a hard time with it. No matter how much you try, it must be hard to not question yourself when your class performs poorly on something.

These last few weeks for her have been hard, with open house, report cards, and her formal evaluation – all in the same week. A formal evaluation is when the principal comes in and watches you do a lesson plan with the kids. They take notes on all sorts of criteria and schedule a review meeting a few days later to discuss the results. I’m writing this, these past three paragraphs, and I’m realizing I really only wanted to say one thing: Sharaun’s review meeting for her evaluation went great. For the third quarter in a row, the administration had nothing in the way of negative feedback for her. Her review lasted a mere 10min compared to others which lasted over an hour. She gets nothing but positive feedback, which is like a shot in the arm to her. I love to see it when she’s been reinforced like that, her whole perspective changes a little and you can tell that some of that “burden of accountability” for her dumbass kids is lifted.

I’m glad I’m not a teacher. I’d have a hard time not simply discounting (or throttling) the flotsam and jetsam kids of the educational ocean. Props to teachers. And car mechanics and soldiers and plumbers. Thanks.

I dunno guys, I think that’s enough for today. Dave out.

Posted on

rock renaissance

Cool at 12. Even cooler at 70.
$1700. That how much damage a stupid dump truck spilling gravel can do to your car. I mean, I’m sure it could be worse than that – but that’s how much damage a stupid dump truck spilling gravel did to our car. A while back though, I got smart and lowered our deductible to $250 for comprehensive – it used to be $500. It only raised the rate by a buck a month to do it, and it’s way worth it. $250 is not a break-me unexpected out-of-pocket expense, but $500 is a lot closer to that break-me limit. So, now we drop $250 on the stupid deductible. Not only that, my brother called today asking for money… again. Last year we sent him about $1200 that we’ll never see again, and this year Sharaun told me no more. He only wanted $100, which to me isn’t even worth the wire fee to get it to him. Wes suggested I tell him to check out one of those Check-and-Go paycheck advance places, I think I’ll do that. Money sucks sometimes.

I’ve been experiencing somewhat of a classic rock renaissance lately, pulling out all the music that taught me to love music. Right now I’m listening to Sgt. Pepper, perhaps the best album ever made – certainly the most influential and probably the most important. I can remember the first time I heard it, on the way to the Merritt Island Mall one summer night. Middle school was all about going to the mall for no reason. We would walk around, go into stores and not buy anything, stop at the arcade and maybe play a game or two, and get a slice of pizza from Sbarro and a smoothie from Nature’s Table. It was all about just “being there,” making the rounds, talking to the other cool kids who had perfected the art of loitering. Yeah, so sometimes we’d cash in our dollars for rolls of pennies to throw at old people, but that was a rarity.

Anyway, Kyle’s mom was driving Kyle, Kyle’s sister, and myself to the mall. I was madly in love with Kyle’s sister (well, as “in love” as a guy can be in the 7th grade). The song “It’s Getting Better” was on, and I remember thinking it was the best thing I’d ever heard. Combined with a feeling of 7th grade puppy love and a burgeoning sense of teenage independence, Sgt. Pepper was the perfect soundtrack. I had the album on vinyl, and would often put it on the stereo in my room at top volume. I’d open all the windows, lay down on the floor in the middle of all four speakers for the best stereophonic effect, and fall asleep in the sun. How could things get any better? For a few years there, my life was wholly consumed by music and girls – no debt, no job, no responsibilities. Bow my head slightly, tap my fist twice against my chest and raise a peace sign to the sky – that’s for you middle school.

To the present day, the weather is once again awesome today. I’ve heard tell that it may rain this weekend – but I can’t believe it when it’s so nice out. Honestly, it’s hazardous to go out for lunch – just getting out in the sun and seeing the sky propels my “I wanna go back to work” stores to critical levels. What, I’ve said that same thing nearly every day for a week now? Damn. Hoping that my upcoming trip to Taiwan and day off this Friday will help balance out that feeling a bit. Speaking of Taiwan, looks like I’ll be there for just over a week this time. I’m excited, since several people I know will be in town around the same time – and since I always like to travel. I only hope that I can make the most out of the trip, maybe see something I’ve not seen before. Plus, one more trip and I’ll just about have enough flyer miles for a free ticket to Europe.

I have more, but my fingers just aren’t willing. Dave out.

Posted on

second guessing

OD'd.
Both a relaxing and productive weekend, the perfect mix really. Spent Saturday on the lake, in the first “taking advantage of friends with boats” outing of the year. The weather was really nice, but the water was frigid – so we mostly just enjoyed being out there, although some of the hardier did do some wakeboarding (not me). Sunday was spent doing subterranean sprinkler repair in the front yard. Got a lot done, and got a lot of nothing done too – the ideal balance.

With the dirt now cleared from the backyard, I’ve been doing some serious research into the project-completion budget. Right now the big one is the patio. Been looking at pavers and concrete, and estimating cost. I think with concrete we can get away for just under a grand, not sure about pavers – but I suspect they’d be more. I guess the patio will have to wait until we save up a bit. I estimated the sprinklers and irrigation at about $300 after supplies and tool rental, so that seems a lot more attainable. I think I’ll mark off the porch area and run sprinklers and drainage this weekend. Sod, trees, and foliage come last – but those are still a few paychecks off. If Sharaun gets that afterschool tutoring gig for an extra $400/mo and our refi nets us $400/mo as well – things could move faster than expected though.

Speaking of the greens, seems my rule about money stills holds true: “There’s no such thing as extra money.” Why? Sharaun was driving behind a truck on the way to work today and it let loose a bunch of gravel. Cracked her windshield top-to-bottom and chipped/dented the hood all up. Right as I’m thinking we may have a little extra scratch in the next coming months too. Figures. Total estimate for backyard completion – $4000. That means the whole backyard will have cost me about $8000 when it’s done. Not too bad I guess, but not the cheapest thing in the world either.

This weekend I re-read my last entry – and decided that I don’t like it. It ended up sounding like some glorification of my stupid youth. Sounded to me like some high-school kid writing about some “awesome drugs” he took last weekend at a party, and how he was “so effed up.” Anyway, I want to steer clear from using those stories as a crutch for filler – and make this thing more topical and relevant to today. Sure some of them are funny, but reading back they kinda make me look like some recovering junkie. Anyway, that stuff is old ‘n’ busted, today is the new hotness. So shape up blog! I got plenty of stuff to write about: I own a house, I’m opening up an online retail store, I have a wife, there should be plenty to keep the entries coming.

Dave out

Posted on

sucking ice

Smokey 3D!.
I went to the dollar store a while ago, and I bought a bag of marbles. I haven’t done anything with that bag of marbles. It’s still sitting here on my desk cinched up like the day I got it. Why did I buy these marbles guys? I know why. Because I love marbles. I always have. Marbles are so cool. Something about little glass spheres with wavy colors in them. They are awesome. I remember my brother and I used to try and play the “real” marbles? you know, with the circle and all? but it never worked out. I like the sound they make when you crunch them around in your hands. Marbles are awesome y’all.

It’s about 9:30pm right now, and I’m sitting here with all the windows open. I’ve got on a button-down Hawaiian shirt that’s not buttoned, just letting it all hang out as they say. An awesome breeze is blowing through the house and I’m listening to some group called “The Autumn Defense” that I just downloaded from the newsies. Apparently, they have some kind of familial relationship to Wilco. They kind of remind me of Buffalo Springfield’s softer moments, good music for a warm night alone with the windows open. Not sure the album’s good enough to not delete – but it hits the spot tonight. Sometimes complacency and contentment is only a nice breeze and good song away.

Word is I’m headed back to Taiwan in two weeks. I actually suggested this trip. There are some things I wanna take care of in person over there – to make the right impression. I’m excited, I really like it over there. Also turns out Ben will be there for the beginning of my stay, and Pat and Wes will be there towards the end. Also some of the other Taiwan-travel regulars will be around, so it should be a good time. Looking forward to some more mantis-prawns and chicken heads. Bring your worst Taipei, I’m ready.

I got a tattoo one morning, my freshman year in college. Jeremy, my roommate at the time, and I were skipping class as usual. Driving around by the river listening to Mellon Collie and the Infinite Sadness (on of the classics of my generation, by the way). We would always skip our morning classes, go buy some chili-cheese nachos from 7-11 for breakfast, and head down to the river. We’d usually just sit and talk, him smoking his Newports and I my Djarums. When I was in high school, I used some spare time in drafting class to make a geometrically perfect Traffic symbol. Traffic was a band from the late 60s to mid 70s, Steve Winwood came from Traffic, and are one of my favorite bands. Anyway, I always kept it in my wallet – because I always knew one day I wanted a tattoo of it.

This morning I got the urge, and stopped at what, looking back, was probably not the best tattoo parlor in Florida. The place was called “Altered Images” I think – and it was housed in a trailer off the freeway, next to a small flea market. But hey, it was like 5min from college? so it was an easy target. When we walked in, the lone artist was sitting on a couch with a large snake. He put the snake away, and I showed him my drawing. I pointed to where I wanted the ink, on my chest above my left breast. He sat me down, had me sign the AIDS waivers, shaved my chest and transferred the image to my skin using deodorant and colored pencils.

Before I knew it I had the black outline of the symbol on me. Before we filled the shape in with red, Jeremy and I went outside for a smoke. I remember thinking what an awesome morning it was, and how glad I was to not be in class. I went back in and laid on the table while he finished. After a while, he said “I’m done. Oh, and I added a cool ‘smoke’ effect to give the thing a real 3D look like it’s standing off the skin.” Umm? excuse me what? I mean, this is my first tattoo and all, but is it normal for a tattoo artist to take some artistic liberty when he inks? I never asked for this gay-ass “smoke” effect! It makes the outlines look all fuzzy and messed up. In fact, I think he messed up and tried to do something to cover it up. Whatever, I gave up the $80 and was outta there. I’m still glad I got it. It gets recognized. It got recognized while I was drug-stuck to the New Orleans dirt one afternoon. “Hey, nice Traffic tattoo,” some guy said as I watched legs go by – my eyes the only muscles I could move. Wanna hear about it?

Flash forward a year or so. Jeremy and I decide to take a trip to New Orleans to see Jazzfest. Jazzfest is the biggest thing in New Orleans next to Mari Gras. There are literally hundreds of musicians in town, playing in clubs, arenas, and on a huge open-air fairgrounds. We went specifically to see Van Morrison. Which is where our story begins. We drove down to the French quarter and caught a cab to the fairgrounds. We were standing in a huge crowd waiting for Van to come on stage, when some guy in front of me started smoking weed from one of those fake ceramic cigarettes. He offered me a hit, so I took it. Now, I hadn’t smoked anything in years at this point, and I have always been a lightweight? so that one hit had me feeling just about perfect. Van got on stage and the show was great.

Around the third song, an Asian kid wandering by asked me if I had light. He was holding a joint, and I knew that if I offered him my lighter – he’d reciprocate by offering me a toke. Now, I really didn’t want a toke, but I offered the lighter anyway – sparking his joint as he inhaled. He then proffered the thing to me with a smile. I’ll never forget the blue Sonic Youth “Washing Machine” shirt this kid had on. I took one hit, handed the joint back, and immediately knew something was very wrong. Whatever I had just inhaled was now seemingly expanding tenfold in my lungs, kicking like a horse to get out. I felt a feeling I’d never felt before, something different in the smoke itself. I turned to ask the kid if the weed was cut with something, but he was long gone.

So there I stood. Well, for about ten minutes I stood. Then I sat. And finally I laid down. I was completely out of it. I can remember sweating like I was in a sauna, just dripping with sweat and not wanting to move. At this point, I think Jeremy was a little embarrassed that he was with me – and was totally ignoring me while watching me out of the corner of his eye. I remember someone coming through the crowd and asking if I was OK. I remember someone misting me with a spray-bottle of water, and finally some kind soul dropped a huge chunk of ice near me – seeing I was obviously dehydrated. I sucked on that piece of ice for almost the entire show, I can still see the bits of grass and dirt on it. All I remember from the music is the pounding bass I could hear with my ear to the dirt.

When the show was over, I could hardly stand up. I made Jeremy carry everything we had brought in, because for some reason I didn’t think I could carry things and walk at the same time. It was so busy getting out of the park.. we didn’t make it to a cab and back to the car for over an hour. By that time, I guess I was acting pretty together – because Jeremy let me drive us back to the hotel. About halfway there, while driving down the highway, I suddenly let out an expletive. “What?” Jeremy asked. “Dude, we forgot to get the car!” I replied. Yeah, he made me pull over and let him drive. Whatever was in that joint besides weed, I didn’t like it. Didn’t have any grass after that for another two years, and only then because it was the Grateful Dead festival. I mean, c’mon right? Who doesn’t eat a Ganja Gooball or three at the friggin’ Grateful Dead festival? Ever heard Dark Star?! Try listening to that awesome song and not eating some chocolate-oatmeal bud-candy.

But guys, I don’t do the drugs anymore. Haven’t partaken of any of that mess since college. No plans to ever again either. Stay clean guys, it’s more funner anyways. I promise. And now, the weekend. Until Monday – Dave out.

Posted on

through the years

Time travel is lonely.
Trying to remember one key thing from each grade of my pre-college life. Here is what I can remember, or at least – which events came to mind right off the bat when thinking back on each grade.

First grade. This one’s easy, I put a rock in my ear and it stayed there for a long time. You can read the whole story here.

Second grade. Shane and I stole some chalk from Mrs. Klein’s chalk tray, and drew a naked woman on the blacktop during recess. We didn’t know quite how to depict the female genitalia, so we asked a passing girl “How do you draw a pussy?” She just told us to put a big capital ‘W’ with some hair around it. Oh man did we get busted. As the janitor escorted us up to the principle’s office, I remember him saying “If you were my kids, I’d beat your ass.” What I wanna know is, how did that girl know?

Third grade. I think this is the year I started out going to a different “gifted” school. I hated that school, plus I had to take the bus to get there. I was back at my normal (for Montessori, anyway) school in under a month. Oh, and Beth someone-or-other kicked me in the nuts one morning outside the classroom.

Fourth grade. A girl at school we all made fun of for looking like a boy wasn’t there one day. Word came down that she and her brother had been playing that weekend and he had hit his head on the corner of the coffee table and died. When she came back to school she wore all black the first day, probably one of the first days she hadn’t been made fun of in a while. Kinda changed my mind about teasing people. Our group won the game “Gold Rush,” which learned us about the California gold rush. We took our booty, a full bag of Rolos. Sarah Bean had an epileptic seizure in class and bit Mrs. Forinash’s hand as she tried to keep her own tongue from choking her.

Fifth grade. We got robbed, I had my first real “best friend,” and I moved to FL.

Sixth grade. New kid in school. Wore all the wrong clothes and liked the wrong things. Punched Ricky because he took too long at the drinking fountain. Failed Algebra and got moved into “Math 3.” Math 3? This kids so dumb we’ll send him through “math” for a third time? maybe that’ll get it into his head. Met Sharaun.

Seventh grade. Got all my clothes from Ron Jon’s, now I was cool. Learned to shoplift. Punched Vic because he tried to take my candy. Discovered the Beatles.

Eighth grade. Met Kyle. Discovered Led Zeppelin and threw away all my clothes from Ron Jon’s, now I was a anti-cool. Fell in love with Kyle’s sister – to this day not much has made my heart jump as much as reading the coded letters we snuck to each other between classes. I can remember feeling like the world was mine when she wrote in code “I love you.” Started dating Robin and had my first kiss.

Ninth grade. Took Angel’s Trumpet. Broke up with Robin, got back together with Robin, cheated on Robin, broke up with Robin. Learned to drive. Smoked marijuana for the first time. Drank beer for the first time.

Tenth grade. Decided I wanted to date Sharaun. Saw my first indie show: Poster Children and L7. Made prank phone calls. Threw my first keg party while my family was in Washington DC, how the eff did we get a keg in 10th grade anyway? Lost my virginity. Started dating Sharaun.

Eleventh grade. Sharaun.

Twelfth grade. Started going to church, accepted my Lord and Savior and was baptized to receive the Holy Spirit. Yeah, for real. Got suspended for beating up a kid who pushed Sharaun. Cheated on Sharaun. Won a cruise to the Bahamas.

Looks like we can save about $400/mo by refinancing the house right now. The neighbor across the street just sold his place at $245/sqft – which is awesome for us. Bring on the savings.. I’m totally ready. Until tomorrow, Dave out.