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world debut

Yargh.
Sharaun and I went to get Lil’ Chino’s first ultrasound last week. Man… what an amazing thing that was. This little baby, barely four months old and two inches long… was kicking and squirming and moving all over. Going in there, I expected so much less… people had set me up to expect seeing a peanut-looking thing with little definition. Turns out that’s about as wrong as wrong can be. This thing had a lot of definition… little arms, little legs, fingers and toes you can actually count, and clearly visible facial features. Looking at the little guy, alive and moving around on the screen (and even more impossibly, alive and moving around somewhere in the depths of Sharaun’s belly), it was hard to believe that something that’s already that real-baby-looking is, in reality, just a two-inch long “tadpole.” We got to hear the heartbeat, and got to take home Lil’ Chino’s first pictures. I was going to post them today, but my scanner is broken…

This weekend was a barnburner for music. Heard some ill tunes while at a party at Ben & Suzy’s place, and downloaded that. The album’s by some group named after an REM song, World Leader Pretend, but there’s this one song on the album that is just outstanding. I’ll try to find a link before I post this. Also at Ben’s party, he decided to kick the new Clap Your Hands Say Yeah! record, and to my surprise, it sounded different than mine. Then I remembered that my copy was seemingly patchwork in song titles and bitrates, and figured it must have been cobbled from various sources – some obviously including EPs of the same songs that were much different than the released album versions. Still, it’s nice to have heard the fetal version of some of the tracks – but the album versions have a nice shiny polish of studio applied, and I like it better. Then, Saturday morning, someone leaked the new Death Cab album. A pretty boast-worthy leak which surprisingly wasn’t accompanied by any release group hubris – which leads me to believe a lowly college-mag reviewer or record store worker ripped and released his/her promo copy for the love of the tunes. Not sure how I feel about it yet, but I’ll let ya know.

I think, had I been born 5 years later, I would’ve been a great MP3 release group insider. For those not familiar with how the whole pre-release MP3 thing works, the general process involves an “insider,” someone who has access to new albums before they are released for sale. This person could work at a radio station, newspaper, or in a record store that has access to promos. The insider gets the album, and sends a copy to the group’s encoders. The encoders follow the release group’s ripping and verifying protocol, ensuring a high-quality rip. The encoders then send the newly ripped MP3s onto the packagers/releasers. The tracks are then “packaged” for release and posted to one of the top-echelon underground FTP distribution sites. Within hours, a secondary group of folks, distributors, go in and download the album and spread it around to file-sharing locales accessible to us folks who aren’t “in.” Speed is key in the entire process, as the bragging rights only come for those who hit the ‘net first with the newest stuff in the best quality. It’s a huge deal, and it’s the machine that keeps me fed.

Anyway, when I was in college, I worked at a mom-‘n’-pop record store, and had daily access to promo releases of big albums. I know, because I used to beg my manager at the time to let me take choice ones home and rip copies to cassette (the pirate’s medium of choice at the time). That’s how I was tired of the Pumpkin’s Mellon-Collie before it ever hit the shelves; why, to this day, my copy of OK Computer is just a white disc with a black and white illustrated paper sleeve. Once I became “assistant manager,” I had unlimited access to whatever promos I wanted – and I used the privilege to be benefit. Transplanting those days five or so years into the future, I can completely see myself participating in the digital pre-release trade. Maybe not hooking up with a release group proper, but at least being an “indie” ripper/releaser for the glory of it. Y’know, the whole “I had it first, but am feeling benevolent… so here, you should hear this” thing.

I like the headline from CNN today, “Typhoon hits China, killing at least 1.” Not that I like typhoons, or them hitting China, or even killing, I just like the statement. Doesn’t the fact that some “killing” happened pretty much guarantee “at least one” was killed? If it were any less than one, you couldn’t really say any “killing” happened at all. I think it was the “at least” part was funny to me, it’s like CNN got some word that folks had died – but no hard numbers. Then, in a macabre desperation to post a body-count, they went with the safe “at least one.” Hey if there’s death, at least one poor dude must be dirt-nappin’… logical to me.

Goodnight.

Posted on

call divorce court

Die you microscopic bastards, die.
I’ve had it. Call Divorce Court; I’m not happy in this relationship anymore and I’m gettin’ out. This fever moved in without so much as a word, and took up residence acting like she owns the place. She doesn’t care about me or what I want, and I have a feeling she’s just using me as a warm body. So I’m filin’ papers, I’m done… I’m walking out on this one-sided relationship. It’s 2:30 and I’ve taken 3 doses of the antibiotic that was supposed to “make me feel a world better after just on dose,” and I’m still at 103 laid flat in front of the TV. Fast-forward a few hours and I’ve broken that last one, but still feel craptacular enough that I’m just a couple hours of feeling this way away from surrendering tomorrow’s workday. Tomorrow is Sharaun’s ultrasound and heartbeat appointment. I had planned to take an hour off in the afternoon anyway to attend, and regardless of how I feel I’m still going. Four days. That would make me out of work for four days. If it wasn’t me, if I was on the inside and someone else was out this long, I’d think they were either milking it or must have malaria or something. Four days is a long time to be out of work, especially considering I used up a Sunday “for free” as well.

Wrote that paragraph last night… but my my fever climbed to it’s second highest later on and I never got around to posting it. Thursday morning now and I’ve cautiously upgraded my condition to “feeling better.” No fever yet this morning, and I seem to have my strength back. I even went so far as to make some phone calls to key work folks, y’know – grease the skids before what I see as my imminent return for a hard Friday’s work. Later, I plan to sit down and tackle the e-mail that’s been piling up, see what emergencies I’ve missed and whether or not I should care about them. Being sick sucks, I hope the gods of sick recognize this as my “jury duty” for at least a couple years… the way I look at it, I’m paid up at least through 2007. I mean, half of the torture of being stuck in bed not being able to do anything is the list of things you’re not doing continually running through your head: the crabgrass you had big plans to hit with a second dose of poison and really finish off, finish painting the living room, work, etc. Stupid strep throat.

I’m outta here, don’t care if it sucks.

Posted on

yet they still call

Flarin' up real good there.
Tuesday morning, and I have enough of a respite from my fever/flu/whatever that I feel like writing. Last night was different, and found me covered in sweat the entire night long – rather than the one or two sweating-out sessions of the previous nights. It was uncomfortable, but I sure felt better this morning. Better still isn’t quite “good” yet, but it’s getting closer. Today my fever is hanging around 100-101, a few degrees cooler than Sunday and Monday – but still high enough to make me feel crappy. My throat isn’t doing too hot either. Hurts to swallow. Taking my mom’s advice, I made an appointment to see the doctor for this afternoon, just to see if they can possibly pinpoint my problem – and maybe even tie it to my mysterious ER visit last week. I dunno, I’m never sick… is this what getting old is like? My body has betrayed me.

I think I worry too much about missing work. Even feeling like crap, I surreptitiously log on a couple times a day and check my e-mail. I have a great fear of falling behind, but honestly, I also have a great love for “dropping out.” Things as they are right now at work, I wouldn’t think of pulling the old “mental health day” thing and taking a couple unwarranted days off – but I have no problem using deserved, malady-driven, sick days. Oh sure, calls still come in on my cellphone… and I hit the “silence” button and think of how I’ll claim I was probably sleeping at the time. I have been asleep a lot, after all. I’m not delusional, it’s not like I think that work will crumble without me. It’s just hard, especially in extremely busy times, to accept that the world will continue to turn should you step away from the small post that you man – but, it most certainly will. Having said that, I guess it’s obvious that it’s more of an ego thing than a genuine concern for the job. Peoples, humans that is, are funny like that – so accomplishment driven and high on themselves.

Sharaun and I have been talking about the things we’ll need to do before Lil’ Chino gets here, and one idea she came up with was to have a garage sale to try and move some of our built-up junk (potentially, for a profit). I thought it was a great idea. There is so much junk I could stand to get rid of (no, I’ll cling to my Garbage Pail Kids collection with my last dying grasp), and Sharaun’s got plenty of clutter too. Actually, it was the idea of a garage sale that got me excited – I’ve only “participated” in one once before, at least that I can remember. I’ll never forget making the decision that the potentially realizable $10 I could get from selling my entire He-Man and Star Wars action figure collections was more appealing than holding onto them for posterity (pure idiocy). There’s something very American about having a garage sale, very appealing.

Late-breaking update: Went to the doctor today, turns out I have strep throat. Means another sick day tomorrow, since I’ll be contagious for at least another 24hrs. That, and I still feel like crap. Woohoo – another day of fevers and sore throats and daytime TV.

Goodnight.

Posted on

sick leave

Over and over and over again.
Took the day off from work today (Monday as I write). An endless cycle of fever plateaus and sweaty fever breakings, topping out at 104.2 last night. Maybe it’s just me, but it always seems that when I have a high fever – my skin, especially on my scalp, becomes extremely sensitive – sore to the touch even. Anyway, today’s plan was to see the doctor… but I was so tired and drained that I just ended up sleeping and sweating. And now it’s nearly 8pm, and I’m feeling pretty decent having just come off my last high of 102 – but I’ve pretty much already decided that I’ll be staying home tomorrow as well, to really see the doctor this time and give myself one more day to recoup. I’ve got several important meetings that I’ll likely miss… which does make me feel bad… but I almost feel like I deserve it – I’m hardly ever sick to the point where I miss work. So, pay-up work, I’m calling in my unused sick time right now… cough, cough.

One thing about spending an entire 48hr period in alternating asleep and awake states, it gives you a lot of time to think. TV gets old fast, and the headaches that accompanied my fevers the past couple days pretty much ruled out reading, so sometimes I’ll just lie in bed daydreaming, waiting to drift off to sleep. I like “leading” my daydreams, I used to do it sitting at my desk in high school – I’d imagine vivid scenarios (yes, usually sexual, and yes, usually involving the class being “locked in” due to hurricane – my fantasy high school chicks always got so loose when they thought they were about to die). So I did a lot of daydream-seeding today, about all sorts of things. For some reason, my drifting-to-sleep fantasies are often tied to the position I’m sleeping in when they start. What I mean is, if I start laying out some storyline as I’m falling off, and then I change the way I’m lying – I won’t be able to get the fantasy “back” until I’ve re-situated myself. Weird, huh? At least I know it’s not just me, Sharaun was reading my draft of this post and totally agrees.

Again, being couch-ridden for two days does wonders for TiVo housecleaning. Lying there today, flipping around trying to find something to watch in my boredom… I decided that I don’t have enough interesting and/or varied programs set as Season Passes. Now, you know, I hate to talk TV like it’s all-important to me, but over these past couple days… it really has been. I mean, when I wasn’t asleep, the TV was on and I was watching something. So, I set about trying to find some new programs to add to our auto-record stuff. I’m pretty pleased with the results. First off, Gilligan’s Island, the original. I’ve always loved that show. Next, Timmy & Lassie, again, the original. Holy crap that show sucks. I remember it from when I was kid and Nickelodeon was brand new, and, only having only a few items of original programming, would play a whole bunch of strange Canadian stuff and 50s and 60s programming to fill up the time. Watching it now, it’s clear to me that each episode was just a form of mind-control for kids: don’t play by abandoned mines, don’t get too close to road construction, etc. Next, History Detectives on PBS – a show I’ve always loved. SportsCenter may seem out of place, being that I’m not much of a jock. But, I have some really fond memories of tuning in each night to watch it with my roommate in college – and I figure it’ll buy me man-points if I can at least converse intelligently about Palmeiro’s ‘roid problem. Next, Benny Hill – for a dose of that wacky British humor I’m a fan of. A put a few more on there too, the Honeymooners, PBS’s Nature, etc. Seemed like a good idea being home all day, but I’m sure I’ll be deleting most of it once I’m back to work.

Goodnight.

Posted on

A plague o’ your house!

All I can do to post this and go back to bed.
Warning, this is likely going to be a very boring entry for some, since I talk mainly about a home-improvement project I’ve been working on. However, when I stared writing about it – the words just kept coming, so I think it’s a good topic.

Saturday I started feeling odd, that sensitive-skin achy-chill feeling I get at the onset of a fever. Ignoring the obvious signs, Sharaun and I headed over to Pat and Cynthia’s place for a good ol’ fashioned because-it’s-summer drinkin’, swimmin’, and eatin’ party. I felt good throughout the soirée, my pre-fever feelings either ignored or temporarily gone. Later, Sharaun and I were the first to leave, as she was feeling pretty tired. As soon as I got home, the fever feeling came back. And now it’s Sunday afternoon and I’m laid up. A fever of 102 accompanied by a raging sore throat. I’m glad I wrote this before I started feeling crappy.

You don’t know how many times I’ve gone out in the backyard to “finish” the pavers/porch. I’ve been at this “almost done” phase for a long time now. I’ll be honest, I’m not finished because the project has bested me mentally, it’s presented me with it’s final challenge… and I’m convinced I will not be able to finish until I’ve proven myself its intellectual equal. Yes, this is an inanimate porch made of bricks we’re talking about, but it’s had me stumped for months now. I’ve been wracking my brain over how to solve the problem, and just don’t know what to do. This morning, for instance, I went out and stared the thing down again. I took some measurements, kicked around the same two or three ideas I’ve had since I discovered I was in a jam, and then drove up to Lowes in another futile attempt to find something that would work. What, you ask, has been able to keep me so beat-down? I’ll tell you. But first, you may need a crash-course in paver installation.

Pavers are just bricks, that’s easy. To “install” them, you first mark off the intended area, usually by setting up a border of bender-board or special paver-retention border. You then lay down a bed of base material within the border, usually gravel. Then, on top of the base, you lay down a layer of finer sand as a secondary base. In my case, I skipped the gravel+sand combo and went with decompose granite as a single base material (you could argue that DG is a lot like sand+gravel anyway, and it packs as solid as cement if you wet it a little). Anyway, after laying the base, you then level the entire area, ensuring that you’ve got the proper slope away from the house for drainage. After leveling, you just lay out the bricks like a puzzle, cutting in the edges with a stone saw. Once all the pavers are laid, you make a pass over them with a plate compactor. Now compacted, you brush sand over the entire thing and make another pass with the compactor. Finally, once the things are compacted and set with sand in the cracks, you brush a layer of “finishing” sand over the thing, which can be bought colored to offset the stones and make the whole thing look awesome. As an optional step, you can paint the entire thing with a sealer to bring out the color of the stones and protect them from the elements.

Man, that was boring, right? For the most part, I followed those steps. I’m at the point now where I’ve got my pavers all laid out, nice and level (well, OK, pretty dang level for a 1st-timer DIY job), and ready to be plate compacted and sealed. However, I’ve got one tiny problem… my retention border. See, when I began the porch, I marked off my area with neon orange marker paint, and then installed a border of bender-board held in place with stakes. I filled in this outline with DG, and set to leveling. After leveling, the bricks were cut and laid, and now you’d think I’d be ready to compact and we’d be done. But no… I’m not. Why? Because my border is not right. In some places, the height of the base material plus paver stone is more than 6″ off the ground – with the bender-board just high enough to retain the base. What I don’t know is, how to make sure that the stones stay in place – what border to use? Maybe it will help to see it (this is how obsessed with this problem I am):

Paver problem

See what I’m saying? They don’t sell paver border that’s taller than about 2″, and my pavers are set much higher than that in some areas. I’ll admit, I’ve tried to solve this thing several ways. I could “build up” the ground outside the pavers, so the border would then be tall enough to hold them in place. My problem with this though, is that I think a built-up “artificial” ground level outside the pavers wouldn’t be “strong” enough to hold the border down (you “nail” it into the ground with large metal nails/stakes). I’m going to have to bring in an inch or more of topsoil over the entire yard anyway… so maybe that’s the best idea. But I still doubt that hammering stakes into newly laid topsoil will give me as sturdy a hold as I need.

Option 1

Then again, I know someone who also did his own pavers, and his solution for this problem was to pour a 4″ concrete border around the entire installation. It’s a brilliant idea really, and it actually adds a nice decorative touch to the installation because the sometimes imperfect-cut curves of the paver line are masked by the smooth curved edges of the concrete. Plus, you can do a colored concrete border that nicely offsets the stone color if you want to get really fancy. If I did that, the base+paver height off the ground would be irrelevant – since I can pour as high as I want. To be honest, this is the route I’ve been leaning towards. My buddy did it with nothing more than bags of cement, a wheelbarrow to mix it in, and a smoothing trowel. I’d have to setup the forms around the porch, but that’s not too big a deal.

Option 2

Well, there’s my quandry… and I still haven’t moved on either idea. I guess that’s because I know, before I can even start down either path, that I have to go around the porch edge and move all the sprinkler heads back a few inches. See, in another novice mistake, I brought the sprinklers right to the edge of my porch border, and they are now too close – and won’t allow any kind of retention. So, I have to dig them all up, cut them back, and reattach all the heads. Ughh….

Also this weekend, I learned that my keygen’d version of Windows XP will no longer do Windows Update (and before you ask, yes – I am aware of the javascript hack to get around this). The point is, some months back, I actually bought a legit copy of XP Pro and had planned on making my previously hacked version legit with it. Come to discover that my hacked version is the volume license version, and I can’t just change the key to a Pro key. Not wanting to re-install Windows, I figured that as long as I actually owned a legit version my conscious would be at ease. Then, I’m locked out of Windows Update. So… time to fix this. I did a repair install of my legit XP Pro over the top of my pirated XP VLK (but not before doing a complete system backup first, I’ve learned my lesson). Worked like a charm.

Goodnight.

Posted on

I feel like I deserve a beer tonight

Stop the ride. I want to get off.
Friday! Friday! Friday! I feel like I deserve a beer tonight. For a week well-done or something. Yeah, or something, I need a beer for “or something.”

Slow week in the writing department, breakneck week in the working department to blame. Pulling late nights every night so far, becoming all too accustomed to coming home from work, relaxing, computerless, for an hour or so while I eat dinner, and then hopping right back online to do this and that. I’ll tell you what, as brutal and unceasing as it’s been – I really do feed off it. Somewhere deep down, I find a perverse enjoyment in feeling important – the age-old sin of pride festering right in my puffed-up chest. My mouth complains about working long hours half because I don’t like it and half because I want others to hear it. I’m just a braggart at heart… someone who’s trying to avoid letting the fact that he’s got a big head show outwardly. Always feigning humility, I hope it works. But really y’all, isn’t “feigning” just a precondition for humility? It’s a conscious thing, not an inborn one. So, while I do hate it, I do love it. Figure that one out.

I’m still somewhat surprised that the crew over at PF haven’t written up the Most Serene Republic album. I’ve about worn the grooves off the thing (I know, grooves are old-school, but it’s a good expression), and I’m wondering if they’ll dig it as much as I do. It’s one of those fantastic, but relatively unaccessible LPs. Things like the Arcade Fire and Bloc Party are not only super, but arguable fit for commercial consumption. Things like the Most Serene Republic, however, really aren’t. The style isn’t consistent enough, and those used to happening-packed 3min pop nuggets may get confused with the meandering and often seemingly aimless song structure. But… none of that matters to me. That album is the toppermost of the poppermost, as John would say. If you’re interested, you can get a good idea of what to expect from this sample clip. I’m not afraid to make the halfway call and say that the race for 2005 is so far neck-and-neck between this and the Architecture in Helsinki album. Oh, and in case you’re really interested, I figured out how to direct-link to 1min clips of every track on the album. Yeah, that’s right – no one is safe from my “View Source” javascript reverse engineering mojo.

If you keep up with my travels… you may recall that I was supposed to be boarding a plane for Shanghai today, but I’m not. I canceled the trip. Sharaun’s first real appointment at the baby-doctor is this coming Thursday, and they told us they’d be doing an ultrasound and listening to Lil’ Chino’s heartbeat. For a while, I was actually considering missing that. Can you believe that? Thinking about it now, I don’t want to miss that for the world. I’m going to try and get a cellphone recording of the heartbeat while we’re there – and knowing me it’ll be online the next day. I remember when I was in middle school, I paid entirely too much for a still-sealed copy of John & Yoko’s rare “Unfinished Music No. 2 : Life With the Lions” LP on the avant-garde Apple offshoot, Zapple. Since the music hadn’t ever been issued on CD at the time, I simply couldn’t resist the urge to completely ruin my investment by slicing through the 25 years old cellophane and putting the virgin plastic on the turntable for it’s only spin while I recorded it to tape. The LP sucked; sucked bad. All John’s whacked out Zapple stuff did. But there was one “song” that stuck with me. Called, appropriately, “Baby’s Heartbeat,” it was a recording of their (sadly later miscarried) baby’s tiny heart swisha-woosha-swisha-wooshing blood through his tiny developing body. I thought it was fascinating. I wonder what I’ll feel when I hear Lil’ Chino’s… part of me thinks I’ll be stricken dumb with awe, while part of me thinks I’ll take it in stride. Whichever it ends up being, I’m ultimate-glad that I chose to stay home for it.

It’s 11pm now and I came back here to try and write another couple paragraphs, this sentence is as far as I got.

Goodnight.

Posted on

chapter two


They say bad things happen in threes. Not sure if that’s true for good things too, or maybe just “things” in general. I guess if you lose the bad/good qualification, the statement doesn’t make much sense: “things happen in threes.” Sure they do, and fours and eights too. Good things, to me, though, have indeed seemingly been happening together. I may even talk about one or two in today’s entry.

Let’s get right down to it then: we’re having a baby.

We created life. I wrote this the day I found out:

Your birthday will be in February or March. Which means you’ll likely be an Aquarius or maybe Pisces or, in China, a Dog – not that I hold with that kinda stuff. I will be 29 when you arrive, a good age for a father, right?

I thought about you when I called my pops on father’s day and it hit me that it would be my last non-qualifying one. I thought about you when I remembered our non-refundable tickets to World Cup in Germany next year. I thought about you and how much I’ve been away from home for work this year. I thought about you a lot when I was drunk in a seedy club at 3am in Manhattan; and how I feel like I’m ready to be done with that scene and wished you were already here so I wouldn’t have been there.

I kinda think I want you to be a boy, but I won’t be mad should you choose a vagina.

I’ve already started thinking about converting the spare bedroom into your nursery, about whether those little outlet covers are just 1st-time parent paranoia, about diapers, and high chairs, and carseats. Your coming arrival has got me thinking about all sorts of things I’ve never considered before… Money; you make me think about money.

I guess I wonder the same things as most people… and I guess, in reality, I know the answers to most. I mean, things like how our relationships with our friends will change. I know the answer already, it’s just kind of sad to realize that a whole way of life that we’ve become accustomed to over the past few years is coming to and end. Then again, it’s the most exciting prospect I’ve ever dealt with… not the changing relationships part, the creating another human part.

Like billions and billions of humans before us, we’ve managed to do our part in sustaining the species. It’s an amazing prospect, really, and completely mindblowing. To think that there is a completely “new” human, growing up from what I’d consider essentially “nothing” somewhere inside my wife’s own body. This thing is busy transforming from nothing into something completely amazing. It will come out as a working thing, and I’m sure one day when it’s a teenager it’ll love that I referred to it as such. “Thanks dad, I’m a ‘working thing’ huh?” But really, I’ve long been staggered by the thought of babies. What an amazing process, how incomprehensibly complex and precise, how perfect that it just “works.” Oh, we’ve been reading books and doing our research and whatnot, and, man, I can see how you could potentially get really freaked out that it might not “just work.” I mean, it’s amazing how precious this little developing thing immediately becomes to you, even if it looks more like a tadpole than a human right now; you want to protect it and the vessel carrying it like they were the Crown Jewels.

I remember reading somewhere that, in the old days, expectant Chinese women would work tending the rice fields right up until they went into labor, and, after popping out their new child, would return to the paddies as soon as they could walk. That’s interesting to me, because it tells me that, at some fundamental level, pregnancy is supposed to work. I often find myself falling back to the “caveman argument.” It’s something of my own invention, really, but, I always catch myself thinking things like, “Cavemen didn’t have toothpaste,” or, “Cavemen didn’t know about cholesterol.” Likewise, cavemen probably didn’t do much in the way of prenatal care… yet here we are, living proof that their lineage survived. Makes me think that the process has been designed to just work, designed not to go wrong. Not that I’d use that as some Christian Scientist cult-think and forgo the benefits of modern medicine… it’s just a point of comfort for me with all the potential fear-mongering out there.

In other news, I continue to work myself ragged. I’m not kidding. I’m working till midnight most evenings, trying to do my best to suppress the list of “to do tonight” things that I pile up during the day. Semi-related, work promoted me to a management position. It’s not the reason I’ve been working so hard, but it sure isn’t helping. Don’t get me wrong – I’m not going to start talking about work in depth here, I firmly decided against that on blog day one, but I figured the promotion is having a big enough impact on my life now that it’s worthy of documentation. Anyway, it’s exciting, and a bit daunting, to think that I now have people who “report to” me, whatever that means. I’ve never been a control freak… and I still maintain that I’ve managed to coast to success with the help of luck more than skill or knowledge. Call it humility or whatever, but I know my deep-down slacker core, and it is alive and well. Underlining it all, though, is a intense feeling of accomplishment. I feeling of vindication, like I’ve been formally recognized for doing well, officially acknowledged in front of my peers as someone who’s worthy of leadership. Maybe that’s a bit big-headed, but it’s honest.

So, those are my two big things. I’ve been keeping these couple things to myself for over a month… trying to write around them and come up with other things to talk about, even though they’re really the only two things that’ve been on my mind at all. Work has been all-consuming from a non-emotional standpoint, and Lil’ Chino (what we call the growing child in my wife’s belly) all-consuming from the emotional side. I’m not sure to what extent either happening will or won’t change the blog, but it’s kinda silly to think there’ll be no impact at all. Blogging with-child will at least give me plenty to write about, and blogging as-manager will likely reduce my already slim “grindstone” category… as I’ll likely be more guarded where I may have previously been somewhat candid.

I wanted to mention that, at my ten year high school reunion this past weekend, someone I literally hadn’t seen in ten years told me that they’d been to this very page. Now, I don’t know if said person is a recurring visitor, but it was an interesting statement to hear. It of course made me happy, being the attention-feeder I am at heart, I always love to hear about unknown readership. I shouldn’t try to pawn it off as some amazing thing, after all, I did link our classmates.com profile directly to sounds familiar… so it’s not all that far-fetched that someone I went to school with might happen here. Continuing on the reunion theme, I wanted to give it a proper writeup.

I thought it was excellent, although I wish we’d had more time to socialize. There was a dinner even the first night, which Sharaun and I were able to attend in full, as well as an after-party that night. But we had only ten short minutes at Sunday’s “kids invited” BBQ, which is where I really wish I could’ve spent more time catching up with those whom I didn’t already know what was going with. The first evening’s after-party made me a bit sad… to see some folks seemingly still stuck in that endless cycle of booze and dope, despite the fact that they are nearing their 30s and now responsible for children as well as themselves. The drugs in my hometown are plentiful, to say the least, and it’s all to easy to get trapped in that scene. I didn’t like seeing mothers whose children were asleep in beds far away puffing on joints or coming out of the bathroom in threes. I dunno, I guess that’s the real world, or something… I still don’t have to like it. Not that I’m knocking you, dope-smoking mothers, should you be reading this… you can do what you want and may be a stellar parent – you’re bag just ain’t my bag, that’s all. We’re still cool.

I shoulda split this one up over two days, to at least guarantee some posting consistency… but I didn’t. Before I go, someone at work turned me on to this homemade thing the other day and I thought it was pretty funny. Maybe that means I’m a huge nerd…

‘Night.