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mover and a shaker


Hung over?! Are you serious? I thought that didn’t happen to me; steel constitution and all.

German Dopplebock, something called “Alligator,” if I recall. Not only that, but the dang cigarettes finally caught up with me. I still don’t know what it is about those beastly things that my psyche holds an attraction to – something about looking “Euro” perhaps. I’ll trade this pain in my throat and sickness in my belly for looking Euro anyday though – as is always the case when I try and extend my “cool” via those awful, awful things. I have to give Pat the nod for attempting to contact my common-sense department when the idea to “try some local German smokes” crossed my mind. “Why?” He asked, “Won’t they just make you feel like ass like any cigarettes?” Yes; yes they will indeed. It’s like going to a different country and wanting to taste their version of the shit sandwich – you’re pretty much guaranteed it’ll be just as bad as the one they serve at your local cafe. Enough… let’s move on.

Killed another presentation today, or, at least I thought did. When I sat down, Pat told me I bounce and sway too much. Unfortunately, this is not news to me – it’s been one of the banes of my public speaking skills for as far back as I remember. I suppose, bouncing isn’t as bad as being totally unengaging or dry – but it’s still a downfall. Anyway, I thought the discussion went rather well overall, and was happy with my effort. Still not sure it was worth a week in Germany, but I’m not protesting too much.

Right now, though, it’s close to 7:30am on my body’s internal California clock – but it’s only 4:30pm here and some guy is presenting in a thick German accent that’s making me sleepy. I’m stuck here for another hour at least, I fear. So, I write. I’ve got my iPod plugged into my laptop to charge, but I can’t plug the laptop in for the wacky German plugs and my forgetting an adapter – so it’s really just trading electrons from one battery to another. At least the iPod will be ready for the journey home, that’s all I care about.

The city we’re staying in is actually really cool, and dates back to medieval times (you can still see remnants of the original city wall from the olden times). Our hotel is on a cobblestone street in the older section of town. The whole place feels very “Euro” to me: with its outdoor cafes and tiny cars. We ate dinner at a small cottage-looking place, out on a vine-clad patio as the sun set. The food, and beer, were excellent, and by the end of the meal I’d developed a nice swimmy head from the combination of sleeplessness and dunkel bier. I debated on joining the folks who’d come over on the short UK flight for another round of beer, but my fatigue got the best of me and I turned in around 9:30pm. Had a nice restful sleep and hit the ground running at 6:30am this morning. Now, to catch you up to the present so I can continue writing: I presented, we had more dinner, we went for beer (see the “hung over” bit above), slept, and it’s 7am Thursday here as I write this (I’ll get to sneak this entry in just under the wire for US Wednesday).

Yesterday, I’d mentioned I’d be posting some images from Germany as well as Keaton. Believe it or not, I think I’m going to be able to come through on both. Not having near as many pictures of Keaton as I thought I did, I had actually decided yesterday to postpone my semi-regular weekly-ish update to her gallery. But, talking to Sharaun, she’d mentioned she’d taken quite a few good ones since I’d been gone – so I decided to walk her through taking them off the memory card and uploading to my server whereupon I could retrieve and post them from the other side of the globe. Worked great, and I’m happy to be able to follow through and give you this update to Keaton’s Gallery. But wait, there’s more. I was also able to cobble together a short set of images from our first couple days – even going so far as to produce one of my little movies. You can watch it here: autobahn.unregulated, and check out the rest of the stills here.

And, that’s about it folks – the laptop is down around 20% battery and I didn’t bring the goofy German plug adapter. I’m off to catch the end of this episode of the German Flintstones and grab a shower before a sausage and potato breakfast. Not sure about posting Thursday and Friday US, as most of those days will be devoted to travel for me – but we’ll see.

Good-day to ya.

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40,000ft: shrimp and wine


Day one in Germany was spent trying to stay outside and occupied during daylight hours to stave off jetlag. After picking up our rental (BMW 318i convertible, gotta love Germany), we headed straight from the airport into downtown Munich, where we parked at a Marriot (for familiarity sake, not our hotel) and asked the concierge for “stuff to do.” We planned to take the subway into city center, get some beer and ‘wurst, and watch the Glockenspiel do its thing. After that, we pushed a planned visit to Dachau off until Friday, as time was short. Checked in at the hotel, grabbed some coffee to try and keep the eyes open, and am now taking the pre-dinner downtime to pen this entry. If all goes well, tomorrow’s entry will include a gallery update from Germany and also an 8-week update to Keaton’s gallery (lofty goals while on a business trip, I know). But… for now… this is it.

Sometimes I wonder about the clientele they’ll book in business class these days. Take for example this kid: iPod hardwired to his ear canals, a ratty, pea-green knit shirt tucked into baggy khakis (the kind with the “cargo” pockets on the thighs), and a pair of overworn brown shoes.. He’s got those scuffed shoes off – I can see him curling his toes within his brown socks, and his drink order was a simple “I’ll have the ‘cab,’” as if he comes from money.. I’d peg him in his early thirties, his thinning crown says not much younger, if any. Exuding a lack of polish: stuffing gobs of lettuce into his mouth from the salad bowl, occasionally re-positioning his crotch with his hand when he thinks no one is looking, picking asparagus out of his teeth with his fingernail. How can this kid fly business class? How can he afford to rub elbows with us, think himself on-par with us?

I’ll tell you how, bitch. I’m that kid in the green shirt, I like it because it’s loose and not “scratchy.”. Oh, and those khakis, they’re comfortable and I can put my passport and iPod in those “cargo” pockets. I’m the change of the guard, motherfucker, and me and an army of kids just like me are taking over. We’re coming to take your job, take your money and your glory. We’ll push you out of your office and into an assisted living facility where you can reminisce about the days of US Steel. We’d punch you in your wrinkled face, but we don’t have a free hand for adjusting our huge balls. Get used to it; we’ll see you on the next flight to Munich, when we look back on you from 1st class. We are the new.

Until tomorrow, auf wiedersehen.

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the sun kicks into gear


Woke up early Saturday morning, as I had Mr. Mom duty while Sharaun was at an all-day seminar. Keaton and I sat and watched a couple TiVo’d episodes of Andy Griffith while the sun warmed cracking and popping sounds out of the windows. It’s nearing 2pm now and I’ve done a tall pile of nothing all day. Did manage to sneak out and fiddle with the backyard sprinklers, which were acting up when I did my Spring-is-coming test during mowing the other day. Turns out I’ve got some annual repairs to get done before the sun kicks into gear… as there are a couple broken heads and some adjustments needed here and there. Other than that brief spurt of arguably productive time, I’ve been sitting around like a stone… listening to the iPod, clicking through random articles on Wikipedia, playing with the baby when she’s awake, and snacking on some prunes.

Oh my word folks, I’m smitten with this album by Wolfmother. This Australian band is Black Sabbath’s Paranoid reborn in the 2000s, with Deep Purple and Led Zeppelin all thrown in the blender for good measure (really, just check out the band’s webpage if you don’t believe me on the comparison here). Right now, I’m simply infatuated with the entire album, but the standout tracks for me are Pyramid and White Unicorn. Actually, I could see how this album might be lumped with the whole “joke, or not?” metal-reborn stuff that The Darkness kicked off a couple years back – I mean, some of the lyrics literally sound like lines from Spinal Tap or Jack Black’s character in School of Rock. With song titles like Tales from the Forest of Gnomes, rolled Rs, and freakin’ flute solos… this is the real deal. These kids make rock, plain and simple. Really, listen to that song I linked above and tell me it’s not 100% ass-kickin’.

If all goes well, I should be first- and business-classing it over to Munich while you read this. Expect potentially odd posting times this week, I mean… in case you’re charting them. See ya.

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steerage no more


Mowed the lawn after work today, by the grace of daylight savings time. I had been looking forward to it, not only because it was badly needed, but because I would get to try out my new E2c headphones in a situation where it’s notoriously difficult to hear music over ambient noise. I was amazed… the normally overpowering rumble of the mower’s motor was reduced to a barely audible background drone. I could hear every note of even the softest songs the iPod shuffled up – it was like I was sealed off from the world. Man, I love those things. Getting out in the sun with crisp tunes in my ear and a brown bandana tied ’round my head really helped to force the cobwebs of work out of my head. Work has been… cruel… lately, neverending. I’m ready for my trip to Germany, but only because I won’t be in the office every day.

I feel like a fool, y’all. All this time I kept wondering why my VIP 100k mileage status on United hasn’t been garnering me more upgrades. Then, today, I was browsing my mileage account on United’s website and I noticed a link called “E Upgrade Summary.” Hmmm… what’s that all about, I wondered. Turns out, I have this massive stockpile of e-upgrades just sitting there… accruing with me being none the wiser. They are wholly separate of my miles, different animals altogether – just plain old “free” upgrades. Turns out I have 14,000 miles in “bump one service class” upgrades for domestic flights, and 6 “bump one service class” for international flights. I was stunned. All the time, these things have just been sitting there. I flew three times last week, and could’ve been 1st class every time, had I only known. Needless to say, I used one of my international bump privileges to get into business and 1st class on my trip to Germany next week. What’s more, because I’m a 100k flier they don’t disappear when the expire, United actually converts them into miles straight up… I’ll never fly coach again.

I had stuff written last night, but it blew – and I worked until midnight.

Tonight, I didn’t do that. Goodnight.

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all the better to hear you with


Almost 8pm on a Monday night and it’s still light out. I love this time of year, when I can still have light enough to mow the lawn after work. In fact, I think I’ll do just that tomorrow evening – get this jungle of a yard under control before I leave next Monday for Munich. It’s hard to stay on top of a yard when unending rain not only prevents you from mowing, but also works like grass-steroids.

I was actually hoping for a slight respite at work this week, maybe a break from the pace set by my last pre-travel week. Looks like I’ll have no such luck. Things are intense, and look like they’ll remain that way for a while actually. Being a manager is starting to become a little easier, I think I’m getting slightly better at it. I still have a lot to learn, and I think I’ll only take the lessons to heart when they’re real-world things, as all the training and scenario-play can’t really build experience like real experience can. Good at my job or not, I’m certainly consumed by it of late… I think this week will be another storm right up until Friday. I am, however, excited about the trip to Germany… work or not, I’m planning on having a grand time regardless.

Germany! Too bad I’ll be one week too late to miss this show where one of my favorite bands of last year is supporting the Stars, who I’d love to see again too, consequently.

I learned something in recent travels-by-air: I hate my current iPod earbud solution. Having quickly abandoned the ubiquitous stock white iPod earbuds, I’d been using an over-the-ear pair a friend bought to replace a pair he’d lost. They were nice, but they hurt my ear after just a short while. I must have sensitive ears, or not understand how to use traditional earbuds properly… because the vast majority I’ve tried end up leaving my ears sore in short order. Previously, I thought I’d found the solution in those over-ear foam ones (not in-ear, they just rest round foam speakers against the ear). However, on a plane, or mowing a lawn, or doing anything where ambient noise is a detracting factor – they just don’t cut it. You really need that in-ear isolation that earbuds can give to get rid of the outside stuff. And, with my long flight to Germany looming – I figured it was time to get serious and drop the requisite dough to get a decent pair of earbuds.

So, having some Best Buy gift cards stored up – I hit the web to check the reviews. Confident in my research, I went in today after work fully intending to buy the reasonably-priced Sony MDR-EX71SL earbuds. I instead left with a pair of $100 Shure E2c earbuds. I know, $100 for earbuds? But man, let me assure you these things are amazing (and I only paid $30 for them after the gift cards anyway). When they are wedged in, you hear absolutely nothing – Shure’s “sound isolating” tagline isn’t just marketing fluff. I had Sharaun scream at me while listening to the Allman Brothers belt out “Dreams” live at Ludlow – and heard nary a peep, just watched her mouth open in a wide, soundless wail. The bass response is amazing for such little things, and they’re surprisingly comfortable for how “stuck” in your ear they have to be to work right. It is taking me a little while to get used to the increased pressure in my ear, which is a product of the tight seal they rely on – and I can actually “feel” the flex of the small waves of air in my ear canal. But man, even as I sit and type this while doing an extended-listening comfort test, I can’t hear a single keystroke over whatever Deep Purple track the iPod has shuffled to.

Goodnight friends, I’ve no more in me this evening.

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out of dry dock and recommissioned


Saturday saw me forgoing my regular weekend cleanup, instead spending hours prying compact discs and their artwork out of jewel cases, rubber-banding them together between two slabs of cardboard, and packing them for sale. It was a bittersweet moment, as years of my life were wrenched from their comfortable plastic homes and piled neatly in stacks. Soon I’ll send them away for good, banish them to the “used” shelves at some NYC secondhand shop. I think they knew we were about to part ways, as their colorful artwork and shiny finishes silently asked me, “Why, Dave? After all this time, you’re just selling us off? We though we had something together, an arrangement, as it were… what happened to the Dave that blew his paychecks to get us? You’ve changed man… you’ve changed.”

I’ll be sad to see ’em go, but if I end up using the money as I plan (for Lasik), I’m sure I won’t regret it. Funny thing is, even after selling off some ~600 discs, I’m still left with an overwhelming amount that I didn’t sell (didn’t sell any of my Beatles & related bootlegs, which total about ~600 in and of themselves, and didn’t sell anything that was a traded-for CD-R copy from my old swappin’ days). The occasion was so momentous, that I decided to capture it for posterity – check out the pictures. (I’ve also decided that I’m going to start using the image gallery to store any future blog-supporting images, as it’s nice and cleaner than just posting images inline here).

Sunday morning I awoke to find the Easter Bunny had visit the night before while I slept. In my multicolored woven basket, he’d left the oddest array of Easter trinkets I’ve yet to see: a green plastic egg filled with Snickers, I carton of bubblegum eggs, lingerie, a bottle of champagne, tingly condoms, and KY “warming liquid.” I tell ya what, waking up to that kind of Easter basket after a proverbial “40 years in the desert” can do wonders for a man’s faith. With any luck, I’ll be able to celebrate two “resurrections” today.

This weekend, the hip-hop station Sharaun kicks most of the time was doing an all-gospel Easter Sunday. This got Sharaun and I talking about the stark dichotomy of the hip-hop culture: fuckin’, shootin’, and boozin’ on one side of the fence, and the Lord God on the other. Hip-hop folks may love their Lord, but they sure seem to love freakin’ and hustlin’ just as much. I’ve always got a chuckle when hardcore rap folks win awards for songs like “Take This Dick” and get up to thank Jesus and their grandmothers. I could never thank my grandmother for being my inspiration if my output was all about “gettin’ sloppy head in the back of a Benz,” and I’d be afraid Jesus might throw a lightning bolt at me if I did. For a good example of what I’m talking about, peep some lyrics to the new Nick Cannon song (for the record, I have no idea who Nick Cannon is – Sharaun brought this exemplary nugget to me this weekend and it fit perfect here):

Who you know a gigolo and still Christian?

Here, Mr. Cannon is stating that he’s not only a gigolo, but is also a Christian. That’s good, because without that setup, one might not catch the Godly undertones throughout the remainder of the song:

Cuz you know da Cannon be flashin, I’m gettin’ more head then an aspirin
At the strip club got me throwing singles tonight
Now she a born again vixen with some dick in her life
Sex real loud next room they can hear us
I’m lookin for a dime who can take the whole 9″
Check the sex tapes if you think I’m lyin’

“More head than aspirin?” Am I the only one who thinks that doesn’t make any sense? Must be some obscure biblical reference, Mr. Canon being the fervent Christian he is.

Goodnight my friends, until tomorrow.

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false alarm


Another night in another hotel, but I got to spend some time at home. And, I got to update Keaton’s gallery with pictures of her smiling. I’m so glad I came home for a night, it was well worth it.

Tonight around 11pm California time, Sharaun called me and said something frantic into the phone, which I couldn’t understand – we were then disconnected. I could tell by her tone, I immediately knew something was not right. I called right back, and got her voicemail as she beeped in on the other line. I swapped over, only to have her hang up. I tried again, and again. Finally, I got her, and, in a garbled hush of panicked whispering tears she plead: “David, someone opened the sliding glass screen door. I heard it.” My chest leapt, “Where are you, do you have the baby?” I responded. “I’m at the front door, inside, I have the baby. What do you want me to do?” Mind racing, I replied, “I want you to go outside, go across the street to the neighbors’ house; now.”

I heard the front door creak as I imagined her walking out into the night with my daughter clutched tight in fear. “Did you call the police?” I asked. “No, not yet.” Now, not that this wasn’t a situation of the utmost urgency to me, because… it was… but because my wife, though I love her to death, has a reputation for hearing things go “bump” in the night – I called our friend Erik, who lives close, and asked if he could come first; do a house check. In true superfriend fashion, he was there in 5min flat. It was a painful 5min for me, listening to Keaton cry as my wife stood in the neighbors’ driveway trying to console her, she must’ve thought her mom crazy for running into the night like that. Soon Sharaun saw Erik’s headlights round the corner, and I was instantly relieved.

Thankfully, the screen was untouched: locked from the inside. Whatever she did hear, though, scared the crap out of her – and made me wish I hadn’t left more than anything else in the world. Sorry to scare you with all the exposition, when the denouement was nothing more than the bogey man and shadows – but it makes for good blogging.

Spending a week wiping with cheap hotel toilet paper really tears up a guy’s ass. I’ll be glad to spend a week at home next week before heading to Germany… and maybe they’ll have better paper there, who knows.

That’s it, goodnight. Get your fix from Keaton’s gallery, OK?