Posts

Posted on

y’all couldn’t break me


Tuesday night. Tonight I cleaned the cat’s litterbox, as it had taken to smelling foul. Now, I always clean out the litterbox, but I rarely clean the actual box. I took the whole thing outside, hosed it down and cleaned it with 409 then rinsed it. I hate to say it, but now that we have Keaton I feel the need to have a pet less and less. Not that I don’t like this cat, but I keep thinking about no cat hair, no cat food, and most importantly no animal using the bathroom in our laundry room. I know Sharaun would kill me for suggesting it…

This weekend, while Sharaun and I were cleaning out and organizing the garage, I came across a plaque I’d received in 1983 when I played for an AYSO soccer team as a rough-‘n’-tough six year old goalkeeper. I was terrible at soccer, as I am at any organized sport. Even at my tender age, I could tell that sports were nothing more than flashpoints of self-consciousness and humiliation for me. Born with no natural skills, and skin not tough enough to endure the training to acquire said skills, I gave up sports forever. It was a decision I still rue, as today it makes me feel like I’m lacking in one critical area of dudemanship. Maybe, if I had just stuck with it back then, while my muscles and mind were still malleable, I could’ve learned skills. As it stands now, the thought of organized sports strikes fear into my heart. I can’t swing a bat, I throw like a girl, and I feel like I’m alone on a stage of shame when I stand in a field of any kind. I’ve said before that I positively fear the day my son (who currently doesn’t exist) asks me to teach him to throw and hit, I’ll have to refer him to his athletic mother and retreat back to my computer. Oh… the embarrassment is almost palpable just thinking about it.

Anyway, I took the plaque and brought it to work. Hung it on the fabric wall of my tiny cubicle as a source of mock-pride. At least my season of soccer twenty-three years ago was good for a joke now. With its wooden backing, golden soccerball, and the misspelled team name in brass, my 1983 “Scorpians” soccer plaque is sure to bring a smile. So, to all those parents on the sideline who used to scream at me to “get up!” and “get in the game!” while I was happily sitting in the goal drawing in the dirt with sticks – y’all couldn’t break me.

Finally, in closing: I was kicking around Wikipedia last night and decided to enter in my old hometown in Florida, just to see what they had to say about it. The Wikipedia article contained a link my old burg’s official homepage, and on that homepage I found a link to a Frequently Asked Questions section. Hmmm… I wonder what the town’s most frequently asked questions are? Turns out they’re mostly routine: where can I plant trees, when can I water my lawn, and how do I apply for a building permit. Then I saw this one: “Why do we charge for water that comes out of the sky?” I just had to chuckle at the elementary school phrasing, let’s read it again : “Why do we charge for water that comes out of the sky?” Hahaha, it “comes out of the sky.”

Guys, before I go, I thought I’d tell you a story. Tonight I made one of my first legitimate online music purchases. Ever since I found out today that the band that made my 3rd/2nd favorite album of last year has a new “tour only” EP out there, I just had to hear it. After I consulted the “usual” places and came back empty-handed, I broke down and bought the entire album from galleryac.com. Go me for supporting the artists, or whatever.

Goodnight.

Posted on

choke on this silver spoon


Monday night, just got off the phone with Pat, telling him I was about to go outside and pull weeds. Sharaun then walked out the door headed to the gym and, rather than haul the baby monitor outside with me into the 100°+ degree twilight, I decided to save it for another day. Another day on pins and needles at work, where the current climate is all headmen and falling axes. Without going into the whole story about my ongoing flirtation with the breadlines, suffice it to say that things have been a bit stressful and the atmosphere isn’t the most work-conducive. In fact, I don’t think I’ve done a “real” bit of work in three days now – ever since my employer raised the threat level to orange. It seems however, that I have, for now, weathered the storm – once again proving my indispensability. Chance has once again enabled me to grow more undeservedly self-assured and pompous. One day I’ll choke on this silver spoon, it’s a sure thing.

You may notice the “double posting” for today. You’ll see the entry below this one is dedicated to one of this year’s Halloween projects. I intend to document my projects a little better from now on, and will have a static, living post for each where updates will go. Not that you care about this, but it’s just easier for me to document the projects in a living post rather than setup an entirely new dedicated page. Besides, how can I one day hope to get some projects listed on the Monsterlist if I don’t document them properly and publish on the internet?

Today, while cleaning out my My Documents folder at work, I came across a curious Word document called “South Side of the Island.doc.” Not recognizing the file by name, I opened it to investigate. Inside was written only the following:

South Side of the Island

Counting myself (a librarian by former trade), the population of our little island stood at a proud six bodies:

  • Ms. O, who, it was said, was once a fearless sea-captain, and whose house had a mast sprouting from its center, complete with crow’s nest atop.
  • Mr. & Mrs. U, both schoolteachers by former trade. Their grey hair always a little wild, and both of them given to being easily surprised or even skittish.
  • Mr. T, a brilliant scientist and inventor.
  • Mr. H, who was once a police officer. Made a body feel right secure to have a former man of the law nearby.

I read this over and over again, trying to place it. Did I write this? Had I downloaded it or copied/pasted it from somewhere? I quick Google search turned up nothing. I read and reread it, and ever so slowly started remembering… I think I did write this. The date on the file says August of last year; you wouldn’t think my memory would fade that fast – but it seems it has. Maybe I was going to write a story about my #1 topic: an island. I think I was most surprised to realize I’d written it because it actually sounded interesting, and when I thought it was something I’d stumbled on rather than my own craft I actually wished I could read more.

I don’t know what it is about my “work smarter, not harder” post that attracts the whackjob comments, but it sure seems to be accruing them slowly. Check out this doozy and the one below it for an example of what I’m talking about. The other day I thought I might be imagining that the number of “random” comments I get here on sounds familiar was increasing, but with some great out-of-nowhere ones cropping up this week, I think it’s out of the realm of imagination and into the realm of fact. Maybe I’ve penetrated Google deep enough that I’m now getting a “second wave” of search-driven visitors. I say bring ’em on, I gotta believe I’m writing for someone…

I much prefer sitting here listening to music than sitting here watching TV. Let’s face it, I’m rarely sitting here without this laptop in front of me anyway, and listening to something multitasks a lot better with writing than watching something does. Even if Sharaun is home (she’s not now) and the TV is mandatory, I’m usually only listening anyway. The only watching I’m doing right now is the watching of Keaton’s video baby monitor, showing me some flickering, washed out, ghostly-grey bird’s-eye shot of her resting peacefully in her crib. Looking more like a wobbly kinescopic view into some past era than a representation of real-time events, I can barely make out her tiny form in contrast to the other shapeless grainy wiggles. This thing cost $200? It almost works like something I’d consider paying $40 for when you wrap tin foil around the antenna. Wow, that little nothing-sentence turned into a whole paragraph… now if that ain’t God’s bounty then I challenge you to show me what is.

I got more in me, but I’ll call this one done and put it in tomorrow’s so I have to write less then. Brilliant, nay? Goodnight my lovers and haters.

Posted on

halloween 2006: baying wolves


Note: This entry is part of my Halloween Projects category. You can see all of my posts documenting my projects by clicking the “Halloween Projects category” link above. You’ll also find images and movies of the projects and their construction in my Halloween Gallery, which can be accessed by links in these posts or directly here.

Welcome to Halloween 2006, friends. Starting this year, I’ve decided to better document the creation and function of the Halloween props/projects I so dearly love to create yearly. I wish I’d done this in year’s past, but in lieu of inventing a time machine to remedy that I’ve tried to tag as many past-project related entries into my new Halloween Projects category (linked above). Beginning this year though, each project will have it’s own entry describing the idea and construction, and hopefully documenting the final working product. Let’s begin then with Project #1 of an ambitious two-project year: Baying Wolves 2006.

Concept:

Credit where credit is due, my friend Kristi came up with this prop concept – and I did some “imagineering” to come up with a proposed implementation. The idea is simple: a faux setting moon with animated wolves baying in silhouette. Picture a ~7ft tall illuminated circle (like a partially set full moon on the horizon) silhouetting a couple wolves whose heads move up and down as piercing howls split the night. Yeah, that’s my best sellup of this prop folks, I’ll let the pictures and effect do the rest of the convincing. First, let’s outline the concept and we’ll get to the numbers and instructions later:

scapture2.jpg

What the visitor will see from the front. This prop is ideally located where you’ll not get many passers-by walking directly to the side or behind the prop (I plan on putting mine very near the fence in my yard). You want the visitor to get a mostly head-on view of this one, and that’s what this concept is supposed to show. The “moon” is just a semi-circle of somewhat sheer fabric (think old sheet) with a “sleeve” sewn around circumference where a piece of PVC pipe will be inserted to frame it.

scapture5.jpg

Here’s my terrible attempt at a 3D representation of the prop. The whole thing is stabilized via a “cross” of 2x4s and an additional “guy-wire” piece of PVC.

scapture3.jpg

An illustration of the base structure, no measurements here – those will come later (remember, these are just my concept drawings).

scapture4.jpg

A side-view of how the actual silhouetting effect will work. The light source will shine on the “moon” from behind, with the mechanical wolves placed just inches from the sheet for maximum effect. The wolves are simply 2D flat cutouts of wolf shapes with motorized heads – more about that to come. If all goes as planned, the wolves block the light and cast wolf-shaped shadows (which will look like silhouettes when viewed from the front) on the sheet. The beauty here is that no great effort need be made to make the wolves any more realistic than being able to cast a believable wolf-shaped shadow.

Well, that’s the basic concept. All I need are a motor, some materials, and some traceable wolf silhouettes. Read on for my documentation of the actual construction.

Implementation & Actuals

Coming soon, stay tuned.

Finished Effect

Coming soon, stay tuned.

Posted on

pleasantly longer than usual


Good Sunday evening my friends, coming off a weekend that seemed pleasantly longer than usual. I’m bringing you quite a disparate entry today, written off and on over the weekend to ensure it doesnt tie together at all. I did manage, however, to stick to tradition and post another (small) batch of photos to Keaton’s gallery. Last week, a friend asked me if I plan to post new pictures every week for the next eighteen years. Fair question, I suppose. I have no idea how long I’ll be obsessed enough with this baby to post weekly – but for now it’s become something of a habit, and, besides, I think you secretly like it. So here they are, Keaton’s gallery.

Sometimes, when I sit around on a Saturday doing absolutely nothing, wasting time, be ultimately nonconstructive, simply gaining weight – I get this feeling that all my friends are busy doing something with their time. I imagine them pulling weeds, cleaning house, gardening, washing cars, or spending their time doing something else equally as useful. I’m about 50/50 torn between loving being able to completely lose a day to sedentariness and hating the fact that I can be so lazy. Often, a thousand thoughts will run through my head: useful things I could do, things I’ve put off during the week which I could now devote hours uninterrupted to. Like now, it’s noon on Saturday and I’ve done nothing with my day but cook breakfast and play with the baby. I mean, I downloaded some music, messed with the iPod, and finished off some dirty dishes – but I feel like none of that matters because I haven’t even put on a shirt yet. I’m obviously not serious about today if it can’t even motivate me enough to clothe myself properly. Doomed to a day of sitting on the couch, listening to music, and writing… I’m 24hr useless.

But folks, as a result of that paragraph… I got the spirit. I went up to Home Depot and purchased some supplies to build some shelving in the garage, as well as the beginnings of the Baying Wolves project I have planned this Halloween (one of the two I hope to complete). Sharaun and I braved the 100+ temperatures to clean out and reorganize the garage. If you know me, you know I love organizing and tidying, and if I can do it in the garage while kicking some tunes on the iPod all the better.

I am positively in love with about 2/3 of this new Guillemots album – which means mostly the numbers with a decent tempo and a couple of the slower tracks. Some of these songs are so lushly done, with strings and rising chorus, plenty of cymbal crash to fill up the background, and unexpected falsetto. I recommend it, as it sounds like not much else I’ve heard out there right now. Also part of my playlist right now is an album by the group Midlake, which, while being slower and more muted, is crafted with extreme care – not to mention it’s not just 2/3 good, it’s 3/3 good. And, since we’re in the music paragraph – I’ll go ahead and say how excited I am about getting the new Ratatat album this weekend. Seeing as I liked the last one so much, I’ve got high expectations.

Looks like I’m not the only one who thought that CNN’s coverage of the current Israel/Lebanon/Hezbollah conflict is lacking. I’m finding that it’s really hard to get a “balanced” article on the current events over there, and I still stand by Wikipedia as the best checked-and-balanced telling of the tale as it’s unfolding.

Goodnight.

Posted on

yesterday i saw you kissing tiny flowers


Thursday night and I mowed the hadn’t-been-mowed-in-two-weeks lawn after work. Sometimes I swear the shuffle function on the iPod is actually powered by some mood-psychic gremlin living within those pearly white walls. Work today was quite the wringer, and I was a bundle of emotions and thoughts upon coming home (more about that later in the week, I think). The iPod, however, knew just how to talk to my troubled mind. First, it hit me up with some obscure Simon & Garfunkel, “A Most Peculiar Man” – just the right kind of snide “fishbowl” social commentary to get a busy mind thinking. Later on it ranged from Led Zeppelin’s “Rain Song,” a paragon of songmanship in my mind, some excellent Siamese Dream era Pumpkins, Bowie, and Son House singing about the blood of Jesus. It was an outstanding mix, and fit my tumultuous mood to a tee. Way to be, iPod. Way. To. Be. Oh, but mowing the grass blew… it was long and thick and the heat made me sweaty.

We had a momentous night Wednesday night: Keaton slept her first night in her nursery. That’s right, in her own crib in that two-tone pink room – not in the Pack-‘n’-Play parked next to the bed in ours. I must say, it was all my doing… Sharaun was reluctant but I had maintained for some weeks that the post-Florida timeframe should be the cutoff. Part of me is sad she’s not right there with us, where we can satisfy our paranoia by peeking in on her or placing a hand on her chest as it rises and falls. I’d been thinking for some time now how nice it would be to have our bedroom back, uncluttered by her sleeping and changing stuff, and once again safe for nighttime humping. But, when I packed out the last of her baby gear, I paraded first by Sharaun in the living room. We both looked at that neatly bundled Pack-‘n’-Play with a little sadness, like a chapter of our daughter’s life was being stuffed in the back of the nursery closet and a new phase was beginning. It may sound stupid, but I don’t think it’s an entirely foreign thing for new parents to experience. I’m not sure when “most” parents make that move, or even that “most” parents opt to have the baby in their room to begin with – but I’d wager that four and a half months is pretty late as “mosts” go. Good for us then, taking the plunge.

I’ve been trying to follow the piss-poor coverage of the Israel-Hezbollah/Lebanon conflict on CNN.com, but the reporting is disjointed, hard to follow, and lacking enough background to educate me on the situation. Frustrated because I felt ignorant reading and not following, I struck off on my own to my favorite reference site – Wikipedia. Turns out they’ve already got a great educational page about the current conflict, and it’s chock-full of links to other relevant entries offering tons of historical insight and information. I think I’ll just follow the conflict on Wikipedia rather than one of the major news outlets, as it’s easier for me to follow. Check it out here if you’re similarly stumped by the motivation and history behind the escalating violence.

Oh yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah…

Well, I’d better run. I’ve need to put up our unpacked suitcases and finish off tonight’s dinner dishes – which I’ve been cleaning in spurts for hours now. Love you fuckers, goodnight.

Posted on

the opposite of downhill


Entry today is heavy with the stuff that drives away readership, but so it goes. Rode my bike to work today for the first time in a long while. The ride in was great: iPod on, weather still morning-cool, and mostly downhill; the ride home was awful: hot as hell, no water, and the opposite of downhill.

The power of suggestion is massive, we all know that. For me though, the power of suggestion from those I respect is even moreso. For instance, while in Florida, my longtime buddy Kyle and I discussed new music, as we’ve been musical partners going waaaay back. He ended up mentioning the new Destroyer album, which had been sitting, relatively unplayed since my first impression, on my iPod for weeks. He hadn’t actually heard the album himself, but a mutual friend had compared it to Bowie (quite a germane comparison, by the way) and just hearing Kyle’s interests piqued got my itching to spin the album again and reevaluate it. I put it on as I went to sleep that night, despite Sharaun’s permanently lodged complaint about headphones in bed (I’m supposed to be “paying attention” to her as we fall asleep). Anyway, I’ve got to admit – either I’ve been lemming’d into a fondness for the album, or I misjudged it to begin with. This album is good, and getting better the more I hear it.

Folks, it was just a month and a half ago that I blogged about the incredible increase in comment spam this site was seeing. That’s six weeks ago, for the months-to-weeks conversion challenged. Six weeks, and my comment spam count is now sitting above 70,000. Doing a little arithmetic, that means I got 40,000+ pieces of spam comments in that time – amortize that as if they were coming in at a regular rate and you end up with a figure of ~6,000 spams per week, or ~1,000 per day (rough math). That’s insane… right? I guess when your blog has been around for nearly three years (w00t!) and you’ve got a butt-ton of entries you’re just a spam-comment honeypot and it’s to be expected. Thank God for Akismet.

Speaking of Akismet – I’ve long dreamed of adapting the Akismet API for use with my spam-ravaged Coppermine photo gallery. And, after an hour or so of tinkering – I actually did modify Coppermine to work with Akismet, using Bret Kuhns’ PHP4 library. Right now, the hack is incredibly rough – but basically doesn’t allow comments which are suspected as spam by the Akismet screening. The “disallowance” is a horridly ungraceful Coppermine “die” error, but it works for now. The only guidance I give the Akismet server at this point is the comment author and text, which is just scratching the surface of spam-evaluating criterion which may be passed. Also, I did not bother to modify the Coppermine database to enable tagging comments as spam, nor did I implement a way to submit false positives back to Akismet for training. Since both of these things are essential functionality for “conscientious” Akismet usage, I feel like I should work more to make this thing better. Eventually, I’d like to make it into a full-fledged Coppermine plugin – but for now it’s a complete hack (I even waxed about my grand intentions on the Coppermine boards).

The proof is in the pudding though, and I’ll have to monitor things for a week to see if the hack actually stops spam (although I don’t see how it won’t). The things I do for fun…

Oh, and a message to all the hecklers – yesterday’s post-accompanying picture of Keaton was chosen specifically for its… beauty. I’ll have you all know she is still, and will always, = cute.

Goodnight.

Posted on

no shirts, no shoes, no problem


Back in California, fresh off our extended Florida hiatus. Keaton was once again outstanding on the long two-leg flight: sleeping, keeping herself entertained, or flirting with passengers and crew. She once again proved my fears unfounded. I’ll be honest, I didn’t really feel like leaving; things are nice in Florida, but I think a large part of that is because I don’t live in Florida – and it’s associated with vacation in my head. I kind of feel off the blogging wagon while there, skipping some days due to lack of desire, and then yesterday lost to travel – I’ll do my best to make up for that by whipping my typing fingers back into shape over the next couple weeks. Dreading going back to work, of course, frightened of the load that will stretch out before me. Not wanting to catch up on lawn mowing, or unpack the suitcases United had to tag “heavy” due to their seam-bustingness.

I must warn you that I have nothing to offer today. However, before I close this thing prematurely – I did finally make a belated update to Keaton’s gallery, adding a series of pictures from the latter half of our Florida visit. And, what’s more, I managed to upload a short set of non-Keaton-focused Florida images which you can check out right here.

Deal with it, goodnight.