just more pictures

Happy Friday internet.

Just pictures today; was all I could do to get these up before crashing.  Not enough sleep this week.  So then, continuing the scanned-hisoty exposé… enjoy:

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Goodnight.

mostly about old stuff

Vintage.Happy Monday folks.

Sunday night and we were all just kind of sitting around doing nothing.  Sharaun had the TV on for a bit, but none of us were really paying attention.  Since I hate that kind of time-sucking activity, I called a stop to it and instituted some family banana-bread and popsicle making (two separate activities, mind you).  A double batch of bread (lots of overripe bananas hanging out in the freezer) and some still-freezing lemonade popsicles later, and everyone agreed it was much better than stinky ol’ television.

This week, I’m going to try and post some pictures from our recent scanmyphotos.com experiment each day.  Personally, I find near all of the 1,500 images interesting in one way or another (which is good I suppose, since I chose to pay to have them digitized) – but I’m trying to pick and choose some which might be the most fun to post on the old blog.  You can find those later down in the post, but now I’m gonna talk about music.

Y’know, the more I think about it… the more excited I’m getting for the upcoming release of the remastered Beatles catalog.  Finally, the powers that be have awaken to the fact that the current CD masters are outdated and poor-sounding, and on September 9th (09/09/09, how numerologist of them) we get the entire catalog, in both stereo and mono, by way of two elaborate (and wholly separate) deluxe box sets.

You may think it odd that someone would buy, then, perhaps in the same click of a mouse, turn around and re-buy, all the Beatles albums just to get both the mono and stereo mixes… but it’s something that us Beatles fanatics have been doing now for years.  In fact, the bootleg marketplace is awash with  different needle-drop remasters of the original vinyl releases… you’ve got the “Mirror Spock” releases, the “Millennium Remasters” versions, there’s “den0iZer,” “Sir Esquire,” “Silverking,” and “McCanno.”  Most, if not all, of these grey-market releases have improved sound (and some sound far better) over the 1987 mixes on all  commercially available CDs.

But, probably the most famous of these many grey-market needle-drop masters are the so-called “Dr. Ebbetts Sound System” versions.  Over the past ten plus years, those folks who live double lives in the world of underground Beatles’ recordings have come to adore the Good Doctor for the amazing sonic pieces he’s able to produce.  Like the other needle-droppers mentioned above, the Doc gets his stellar results by simply recording, then “doctoring,” pristine pieces of vintage vinyl.  I, too, collected the DESS versions of the Beatles’ canon, and also rejoiced in the amazing “warmth” that’s plainly missing from the current CD mixes.  Oh, and, lest you doubt… they really do sound better than what you’d buy on CD today… even you could tell the difference, I promise.

I bring up Doc Ebbetts’ efforts here for a reason.  See, the other day, the Good Doctor announced his retirement from the homegrown Beatles’ remastering business.  And do you know why?  Well, apparently he was able to hear a sneak preview of the forthcoming September remasters and he decided that, because they sound so damn good, his work is no longer needed.  And, for all the Beatles purists who put the DESS remasters on a pedestal above all other mixes – this is fantastic news.  Since so many folks consider the Doc to be the fella who’s been able to make the Beatles sound just about as good as they ever have (albeit only by re-showcasing the warmth and presence which has been in the recordings all along), to hear him say he’s  been outdone is like a promise of heretofore untold sound quality to come.

Better then the Ebbetts stuff?  Yeah… I’m getting more and more excited – and the Doctor’s retirement is like a big log on that fire.  I better start saving money now… to buy these CDs twice ain’t gonna be cheap..

OK, music-talk over.  Let’s get on to those pictures I was talking about.  Here are twelve hand-picked images from the batch.  I tried to do some minor color-correction and touch-up, but I’m no good at it (at least I somewhat removed the orange cast from some of the worst of them, albeit likely only exchanged for a bluer cast).  I took some time on the commentary for each one, so if your browser has problems flashing them up or offering the next/previous/close links let me know and I’ll change the way their posted tomorrow.  Enjoy!

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OK folks, I’m outta here.  Goodnight!

got our pictures back

StackedYesterday we got our pictures back from scanmyphotos.com and I have to say: I’m beyond satisfied with the results.

I ordered the “fill it up” box for around $120 (searched around on Google and found some coupons too so maybe it was a little cheaper than their list price) and Sharaun and I jammed that thing with pictures.  And, even with all the prints we had from her collection and my raid on the folks’ old albums – we were still shy of really topping off the box.  I shipped the thing the Thursday before the Independence Day holiday and I’m almost certain that, were it not for that three-day weekend, these guys would’ve had the prints scanned and back to us in a couple days (they are just south of us, after all).

Getting the photos back, we learned that they scanned 1,525 images for us.  Amazingly, out of all the images we sent, only ten were not scanned – and this was because there was a little too much residual stickiness on the backs of them from years stuck in those old albums at my parents’ place.  However, when you consider that 10/1,535 is something like 0.06%, that’s a really amazing working percentage.  Honestly, I can scan those ten loose images myself and everything will be fine.  They were also able to scan all the odd-sized images Sharaun took with that stupid stupid fake “panorama” style film that was popular back in the 90s.  You know, the ones that make prints that are like 13″ long and stupid?  Yeah those.

The images themselves are scanned at 300DPI.  I’m happy with this resolution, and having tried to scan some images myself in the past (although by no means being an expert) at higher resolutions, I know there was (at least in my experience) limited gains by scanning a printed image at 600DPI or higher.  Anyway, the 300DPI scans from them look great as far as I’m concerned, allowing for the understanding that you’re only gonna get so much from the print anyway.  You can pay extra for color-correction, having the images rotated to the correct orientation, or having them scanned in named groupings.  However, since I’m cheap and I want to flip through them one-by-one anyhow, I’m just doing any touch-ups as I go for free.

Anyway, for my money, you can’t beat this service: it’s super fast, the prints look great, it’s cheap, and you don’t have to do it yourself.  And, I mean… seriously… how else are you going to get pictures like this WTF gem into your digital collection?:

Whoa...

And folks, that’s just the tip of the iceberg.  Watch the blog next week for some better-written and more cohesive reviews of some of the better images we were able to have scanned.

For now, enjoy my Dad above showing (perhaps) how much larger he is than those two older ladies.  Wow.

Have a good weekend.

before pro tools and cubase

Original.Monday night and I’ll kick off this music-centric entry with a prayer:

Dear Lord I’d like to thank you.

For the first time since I discovered Beatles bootlegs, became a fervent collector, and eventually amassed all that there was to hear (quite truthfully), and then quit the game once the unreleased material dried up, you have blessed us fanatics with something truly amazing. As always, I am in awe of the work of these sonic wizards, and I thank you for bringing new material to the forefront.

Blessed be the well-oiled and poorly-secured doors on the Apple vaults.

No but seriously, last week one of the holy grails of unreleased Beatles’ material leaked out to the web: the full eleven minute “take 20” of the White Album track, “Revolution 1,” which is the slowed-down, mellowed-out original version of the heavier (and more familiar to most) “Revolution” released earlier that summer in 1968 as a B-side to “Hey Jude.” This take is described in Beatles recording session expert Mark Lewisohn’s incredibly detailed book, Complete Beatles Chronicle, with the following entry:

Tuesday 4 June, 1968
Studio Three, EMI Studios, London

A session of unusual overdubs and experiments for “Revolution 1” 2:30pm-1:00am.  John re-taped his lead vocal – and, attempting to alter his voice in some way, he lay flat out on the floor of studio three while doing so.

Paul and George added a persistent backing vocal that went along the lines of “Mama Dada Mama Dada Mama Dada” towards the end of the ten-minute recording, Ringo added some percussive clicks, John a tone-pedal guitar part, Paul an organ part and the group then spent some time creating two tape loops, neither of which was used.

A rough mono mix of take 20 (which was a reduction of 19) and an additional copy of this made at the end of the session were taken away by John and one other person (unnamed on studio documents).

So there you go. Fifty years later that “additional copy” made for “one other unnamed person” has made it onto the internet. One of only two copies in the world, the other presumably still locked away in the studio gathering dust. Tip o’ the hat to you, unnamed person.  Too bad that I am, in all likelihood, celebrating the passing of unnamed person – as I’d be willing to bet that was the catalyst for a changing of hands, or sharing without repercussion, of this tape.

And, before I continue this essay on the new tape, I need  to wax a bit about the current state of the bootleg “scene…”  Please bear with me (or, skip three paragraphs ahead if you simply can’t).

While I’ve been away from the “Beatleg” trade for years now, I do still follow what small “development” there is in terms of new material, new labels and players, and what may be on the horizon. With most of the old-school European bootleggers now IFPI’d out of business, all physical production has moved to Japan. I have a hunch that most of the material appearing is still coming from the same European and US “sources,” but that it’s just too risky anymore to print the physical media in that arena. Besides, the internet has marginalized the market for physical bootlegs. Sure you’re still guaranteed the collectors who want the physical discs – but you don’t have to seek them out in order to hear the material, as the new generation will just wait until they are digitized and put on their favorite tracker to download.

Funny enough, hardcore bootleg addicts being a peculiar bunch, it’s not a surprise that there’s a growing “rip opposition” movement amongst the die-hards, in which they promise not to rip the discs and post them on torrent trackers for the world to hear. This somewhat anti-sharing, reveling in exclusivity snobbery is classic Beatleg hoarder behavior… so it’s not unexpected. After all, he who has the rarest cut wins.

But, in this day and age, you simply cannot keep things off the internet. Unless you’re unwilling to brag, unwilling to cut just that one copy for your best mate and fellow collector, it’s gonna end up online. And let’s face it, what good is having the rarest bit of tape in the world if you can’ brag about having the rarest bit of tape in the world, right? And so, even things shared amongst a privileged few under strict pacts of non-torrenting will, and do, end up online.

And so it is that I’m here listening to this amazing piece of history, five minutes into an eleven minute descent into John & Yoko tape-loop madness. I can remember the stories I read as a teenager, how John had taken some of the “stranger” bits of the extended “Revolution 1” sessions and warped, reversed, and wrecked them into his music-concrete stunner, “Revolution 9.” “Revolution 9,” the track that I used to be scared to listen to in the dark. Seriously. And, in this brilliant new leak, you can hear the elements John used to craft that piece of “musical” nonsense. The bassline Lennon buried as the “drive” for his piece, the tape-stretched and effect-drenched yelps and whoops, it’s all there. But here, in this take of “Revolution 1,” it’s still musical.

And, I’ll be honest, I listened to it at least ten times this morning, over and over and over. Hearing pristine new Beatles audio like this hasn’t been an experience I’ve had in a good while. Not since the “Hey Jude” sessions leaks back before Anthology have I been this intrigued with a new leak, nor has there been a leak this significant.

Well, I suppose the Sgt. Pepper multi-tracks were about equal in importance, but you don’t get the gravity of hearing “new” material with them – just the underlying 4-tracks of songs you’re already intimately familiar with. That said, to me the availability of this recording trumps the Pepper multi-tracks in terms of sheer enjoyment derived from listening.

I got into a bit of an academic discussion about the track with Ben today… the only one I really know who can stand to get “academic” about music, other than a close buddy in Florida who wasn’t online at the time and doesn’t quite share my Gods-on-high view of the Beatles. I shared the track with him and he queued it up at work for a listen. His reaction interested me, as he remarked something like, “This is very shoegazer-ish, just epic. Goes on and on and on and on. Like a Ride song. This track is downright great. Love it.”

At which point, I got on a favorite soapbox of mine and tried to explain how, listening to stuff like this now, with our modern appreciation of music, it’s hard to imagine just how groundbreaking and ahead of its time it was back in 1968. I tell this to Sharaun all the time when she says things like, “Yeah, the Beatles are good, but I don’t hear why people think they were so revolutionary or groundbreaking.”

It’s all well and good to say something like that having had the luxury of hearing all the areas music has managed to explore since the Beatles were around. What they invented, modern music has emulated… so without going back into the past and unhearing what those musical seeds blossomed into post-Beatles it’s virtually impossible to hear the stuff as one would have then, that is – in a context all its own.

Anyway, I make a similar argument to Ben, saying how, at the time, some of the more inspired bits the Beatles did stood wholly on their own ground, without reference and completely new unto the world. He agrees with me, and we both wonder at how some of the interesting techniques were achieved in the pre-digital world. Before Pro Tools and Cubase, the kind of stretched and warped vocals Lennon gets on the recording were done completely manually, pressing pencil erasers to running tapes, feeding microphones through hand-built effects pedals, physically cutting and looping tape (yes, with scissors and tape). We both bask for a while in the combined glow of the recording and our hipster music-nerd pomp, and close the conversation by agreeing that it’s like someone travelled back in time and anonymously dropped a copy of Nowhere at Lennon’s flat.

Yeah, it really is that advanced. I know, after all this you might want to hear it too, right? Well OK, here ‘tis. Enjoy.

And now that you’ve heard it, you’re free to accuse me of gushing over nothing. But you have to understand where I’m coming from, the history of the matter here. What’s that, you don’t really understand the history? I’ve never told you the history? Oh man… this is… big.

In fact, now that I think about it, I’ve written about bits and snatches of my history with bootlegs over the years, but a quick search of the blog annals shows I’ve never tacked a concise overview of how it all started, how it all got just a little bit out of control, and how it arrived where it is today.

But, I’ll get to it tomorrow, as I’ve already written a ton today.  Hope someone enjoyed it, take care  – I’m off to the gym (but not before I load up this new leak on the iPod for some more ear-time).

Goodnight.

digitizing

Hi guys.Monday, a holiday in the US… so I’m not at work.

Why, then, am I sitting here working?  I’ll tell you why, because it’s annual review time.

And, that’s what I did all morning, review stuff.  Sufficiently frustrated, and not sufficiently self-flagellated, I chose to take an afternoon break from reviews and do our taxes instead.  Much frustration and a few raised-voice exchanges about receipts with Sharaun later I’d completed at least one arduous annual tribulation today.  Tomorrow work will be about finishing up the other, and getting all reviews taken care of.  I spend so much dang time on the things… demanding a level of perfection in writing nothing like sounds familiar has ever seen.  Get it… it was knock on my writing here…

The other day Sharaun showed me some old scanned-in images one of her new Facebook friends had posted on the internet.  Her new Facebook friend being an old real-world friend, the pictures were of them together back in their youth.  Seeing them made me smile, and also made me think about how neat it would be to have the old family pictures in digital form.  The only real way we look at and/or use pictures now is on the computer, and I think it’d be so neat to have “forever” copies of those old printed images stored digitally for generations to come.

So, I asked my Pop if he’d be willing to ship down all our old family photo albums.  Not wanting to scan in what could potentially be thousands of pictures one-by-one, I instead found a reputable (well-reviewed, at least) place to ship them off to where they’ll be bulk-scanned for pennies a print in no time at all.  If and when I get the albums, I plan to go through them, put the good ones into logical bundles, and ship them off in bulk.  When the resultant DVDs come back I’ll look through and post some of the better ones here after touching them up a bit (the place just does raw scanning, no post-processing).

Could be a fun thing to do, I think.  I’m looking forward to flipping through some photos Pop… so get them in the mail, OK?

Moving on, a quick note about Sunday.  After church we joined friends for a BBQ in the rain and some Daytona 500 watching.  Was  great time, but towards the end of the day Keaton started making more-than-regular trips to the potty – and her #2s became less and less, ahem, “solid.”  Fearing more of the same, we left the get-together a bit early and retired home.  Good thing too, once at home we played around for a while until it was Keaton’s bedtime.  Once she was down I headed to the gym, and upon returning found Keaton out of bed and in a freshly-run bath and Sharaun washing puke out of her bedsheets.

Poor girl.  She lost her stomach another time that night, and Sharaun and I were both by her side to see her through it.  Breaks my heart to see how much it scares and frustrates her; she just stands and wails between heaves, shaking her hands in protest and asking to be held.  I can remember how scary it used to be to get sick, the fact that’s it’s totally beyond your control, the overall awfulness of it all, and the added bonus that you can’t breathe while it’s happening.  She took it like a champ though, and never did develop a fever or any other symptoms.  Monday she was fresh as a daisy and had her regular appetite, so I guess it was something she ate.

Let’s hope, at least.

Goodnight folks.  Wish me a better week writing, OK?

are you lame, lifts and lass?

Nips, nips, nips.Hey Tuesday.

Turns out I set the automatic-publish date on Monday’s entry for last Thursday, so chances are you didn’t catch yesterday’s entry (as it was mistakenly buried back amongst last week’s noise).  So, I’ve fixed that and it’s now where it should be, which is yesterday.

I wrote a lot today, and I don’t even know if it’s a good read.  Somehow I think not.  Enjoy.

As a kid growing up, my interests bounced around a lot. I like to think I was “well rounded,” but who am I to say. As my likes went, I think back on them and naturally separate things into the tangible and the conceptual. For the tangible, I was into the classic nerd items: electronics kits, model rockets, Mad Magazine, fire, Garbage Pail Kids, girls, dinosaurs; all standard fair. And, conceptually I leaned towards things mysterious, supernatural, and occult: UFOs, spontaneous combustion, Egyptian pyramids, magic, etc. For the purpose of this setup paragraph, I want to focus on the conceptual part.

Now, not to say this was all I was into… I liked all manner of “regular” kid stuff (He Man, smashing up Hot Wheels, wrestling, you know the drill), but there definitely was a period where “unsolved mysteries” were my thing. I think this carried over into my adult life quite a bit. I still enjoy a good 48 Hours Mystery, am still intrigued by the occult and all manner of mysticism, and love a good puzzle. There’s evidence of these predilections even here on sounds familiar in my writings about spiritual alchemy, religion, serial killers, and the like.

The point of the preceding, because I feel like I’m taking a little too long getting around to one, is that, by the time the events of the next paragraph took place I was perfectly mentally receptive – that is: The pump had been primed and I ate this stuff for breakfast, lunch, and dinner.

So then – Sometime back around the good old 7th grade, a year where a young man learns much of what he’ll ever know of different slang terms for sexual acts (in addition to a little algebra and earth science), a dear friend of mine introduced me to a book called Big Secrets. Checked out from our local library, the bright primary yellow cover looked interesting enough – but once I dived into the pages I was hooked beyond description. The cover purported to reveal all manner of “secrets,” from the recipe for KFC chicken, secret alcohol-serving clubs at Disneyland, to beating a lie-detector test, and how to mark playing cards.

From first page to last page I was fascinated. This was the kind of stuff I thrived on just “knowing.” To feel like I had inside information, especially if that “secret” info gave me some perceived advantage in “life,” or even a funny nugget of wisdom I could use in conversation – I loved that. To be able to bet someone that I could find the fifty states on a $5 bill; or drop word that I could make a bomb from a deck of playing cards… these were the kind of quirky nuggets I filed away in my brain. Big Secrets, then, was a goldmine for me. I read it with vigor, front to back. And, as I approached the last few pages in the book, one chapter away from the very last chapter, it happened. The chapter was called “Secret Messages on Records.”

I read with zeal the notion that recording artists would purposely put hidden messages in their music, by way of recording them, flipping the audio around so as to make it unintelligible, and then integrating that into the music.  In the days of records (that’s “vinyl” for you digital-agers), un-masking these hidden messages was as easy plopping a firm finger onto the disc as it spun and then forcing the turntable to operate in reverse, approximating the right speed to unveil the secret.

Reversed recordings came into prominence when artists began seriously using the recording studio as a virtual instrument, experimenting with sound as never before.  Of course, the Beatles led this charge (didn’t they lead it all, really?) – laying down what most to consider to be the first purposefully backwards song element in John’s guitar solo in “I’m Only Sleeping.”  By the late 60s and into the 70s and on, more artists experimented with the novelty of what had become known as “backmasking.”  Soon it was a common recording term, and backwards messages were sometimes put into records as jokes.

As a quick aside – backmasking really got a lot of attention during the whole “Satanic panic” the US went through back in the late 80s and early 90s (they even put Judas Priest on trial for it!).  Turns out that, because words spoken aloud have phonetic reversals that often sound nothing like the word spoken normally (forwards), you can “hear” all sort of interesting things in backwards music (if you listen hard enough, I suppose).  So, while some backwards messages are surely done with purpose, most of the “scary” ones (i.e., “you should commit suicide,” or “here’s to my sweet Satan”) are just backwards gibberish that may resemble a real-English phrase.

Anyway, Kyle and I became obsessed with hearing everything backwards.  We suddenly wanted to hear all our music backwards, chiefly the songs in the book that we already knew and loved.  Problem was, our music wasn’t on vinyl, and we couldn’t simply drag the turntable backwards to hear the hidden secrets.  So, being industrious young lads, we set about perfecting a way of reversing audio cassettes.  Remember, this is before the whole “digital music” thing, even before computers for that matter.  Nowadays one can just download an MP3, drop it into the free audio programs that come with Windows, and go to Effect|Reverse.  Back in the dark ages of my youth, however, things weren’t quite as simple.

In the end, we had “invented” a hand-cranked mechanical contraption, cobbled together from several dissected blank audio cassettes, a paperclip, and some Scotch tape, whereby one could extract a bit of recorded sound on tape, reel it into a “holding” tape, flip the whole machine, re-attach, and reel the whole thing back into the original cassette.  The labor-intensive process effectively cut out a bit of tape, flipped it upside down (remember, even though audio tapes have two “sides” these are just the two halves of the same surface of magnetic tape, not two physical sides), and then spliced it back into the existing tape.  When the magnetic tape-read head interpreted the sound on the tape from the opposite side it was recorded on, you got a perfect-speed (albeit a bit muddy sounding) backwards version of the audio.

Before long, we’d heard everything backwards. The Beatles, Zeppelin, Floyd.  We were wholesale reversing entire 90min tapes of songs, just to listen and see what might be hiding.  Soon, we began to experiment with recorded-and-reversed sounds of our own.  Our names, names of girls we had crushes on, the alphabet, you name it.  Logically, the next step was to then listen to these recorded sounds in reverse, learn to approximate the gibberish they’d become, and then say that into a microphone and reverse it – all to see how close we could get to “talking backwards.”  You think this is silly, but I still remember how to say several things in reverse: “Ian Ichamore,” “And the lost see ‘Nam,” “Turn me on dead man”… they’re still taking up space in the old noggin to this day.

I can remember eagerly attempting to play the notes to “Mary Had A Little Lamb” in reverse order on the old Casio, seeing if we could get it right when the tape was flipped.  I remember reading passages from the Bible, making all manner of sounds like a foley artist just to see what they’d sound like backwards.  We even drew up detailed user instructions for our little reversal machine, diagramming the flow of audio on a cassette tape and showing precisely how to reverse it with our invention.

Somewhere in this house today, in a shoebox, I have that tape-reversing machine and the handwritten user manual (on graph paper, because it was more official of course).

And with that story, I conclude today’s blog.  Goodnight, web denizens.

breakfast with no hog is a good day?

Regrettably familiar role.I skipped Monday night writing because Sharaun and I made a joint jaunt to the gym after dinner.  By the time we got back it was time to get Keaton in bed and after that I wasn’t in the mood.  I stared at this screen for a while, but after a few minutes decided to read a little on the chance it’d loosen up my keyboard fingers.  No such luck.

Tonight, on the other hand, we went to the gym early, before dinner, and I’ve got Keaton down now and feel quite like banging keys on the laptop.  Maybe I’ll at least get a couple respectable paragraphs.

The new Malajube record leaked today (if you don’t care for albums sung in your non-native tongue, and you’re not French, than this isn’t for you).  I had loved their last record so hard that I’ve been waiting for this follow-up with a good bit of anticipation.  And, I gotta say, after a casual listen while cleaning up dishes from our pork chop and rice dinner, I’m worried.  Seems like I don’t hear that bouncing energy of that last LP.  Where’d it go Malajube?  Where’d it go?!  Maybe I need to listen more.

Today was a good day for instant messaging, and there were a couple exchanges I thought were comical enough to post.  First, a friend IMs me asking a question similar to those I get rather often:

Her: “Hey, I want to watch the ‘Sex and the City’ movie, where can I download it?”

Ah, a casual need-driven pirate… the worst kind to instruct.  Since using a real tracker is out of the question, I opt for the masses-friendly route and suggest The Pirate Bay.

Me: “Try The Pirate Bay.”

Her: “OK, I typed in ‘sex and the city’ and got a million results.  Most are porn.  Which one do I want?  Why is this so disorganized?  What do the little skulls mean?”

Begins pasting in random TPB links asking if that version is the best.  I surf to TPB, find the aXXo rip, and paste in the URL.

Me: “This is the one you want.”

Her: “How do you know this is the best one?  How did you find it that fast?”

Tempted to prattle on about seed-to-leech ratio, my mad skillz, and snatch-count, I instead settle for,

Me: “I’m familiar with the ripper, his stuff is always good.”

Her: “OK it says it’s downloaded, but it doesn’t play.”

Ahhh… the torrent novice’s favorite question.  Something along the lines of, “Sweet!  It downloaded so fast, how come it won’t play in Media Player?”  I respond succinctly,

Me: “It’s a torrent file.  Do you have a torrent program?”

Her:  “Uggg let me look.”

While the above response may look ominous, it’s a good sign actually: the word “torrent” is obviously recognized, and the term “torrent program” is not met with confusion.  Heartened a bit, I decide to paint a little reality, just to be safe:

Me: “You need to open the torrent file first and then download the actual movie. It will take time, maybe a day even… unless your internet is awesome-fast.”

Her: “Ughh…”

Me: “Yeah. This is why I tell my dad to just go rent movies.  Odds are you’ll curse the whole time it takes to download and then you won’t be able to figure out how to watch it anyway.  Then I have to teach you about codecs, and that’s at least as hard, if not harder, than this.”

Her: “Shut up.”

Me: “Welcome to piracy.”

Her: “Shut up.”

And then there was this gem with some co-workers as they tried to court me into going out for lunch (I’ve been heading home almost every day to save money and, more importantly, calories.  I know this is not typical for a dude, but I’m really giving this fitness thing the old college try.)

They have decided they are going to Mongolian Grill, which, if you don’t know, is like this huge line where you take an empty bowl and fill it to toppling with meats, veggies, noodles, and top it it with an array of tasty  sauces before the dudes fry it up on this huge round cooktop.  Because my eyes are bigger than my stomach, I typically end up with a four-pound bowl of food.  With my present goals, I don’t think this is the right place for lunch for me today.  Our exchange:

Me: Ugh.  I should try and consume less calories than Mongo will present to me.

Interloping Coworker #1: Just make a small bowl, it’s OK.

Interloping Coworker #2: Veggie bowl.

Interloping Coworker #1: Lots of veggies.  Not so much oil.

Interloping Coworker #2: Can make anything at Mongo.

Me: No way to pass up noodles.  I love noodles.

Interloping Coworker #2: Smaller portions.

Interloping Coworker #1: You can still have noodles, just don’t have a billion noodles.

Interloping Coworker #2: Mr. I Lack Self Constraint.  Do you avoid gas stations in fear of consuming all the twinkies?

Me: Hehe.  Even like 1cp of noodles is prolly 300cal.  I love me some nooooodles.

Interloping Coworker #2: You can always puke afterwards, works for teenage girls.

Me: LOL.  I suppose I could still go.  Just go light.  I can view it as a challenge.

Interloping Coworker #1: Yeah!  11:30?

Me: Works for me.

Interloping Coworker #2: Sounds good.

Me: Now leave me to my calorie-math so I can have a mental image of the size bowl I can create…

Interloping Coworker #2: What is your cal for lunch?  500?

Me: Yup.  500 is about right for lunch.  Part of the problem is that I have no native sense of size for the measure “ounce.”  It has never been mentally indexed in my brain like “foot” or “yard” has.

Interloping Coworker #1: Not even from your drug selling days?

Me: Haha.

Interloping Coworker #2: LOL.

Me: I also get confused because weed is dry ounces.  An ounce of noodles… what is that?  I know “cups,” but not ounces.

Interloping Coworker #1: You know pounds, right?

Me: I know pounds.  Pounds I can estimate.

Interloping Coworker #1: And you can divide… 1/4 pound = 4 oz.

Me: Did you have that in your brain?  Or did you use the joogle?

Interloping Coworker #2: We’ll pick up a kitchen scale at the Dollar Store before we eat.

Me: Hahaha.  This is a good IM.  This could be a blog.

Well folks, writing is easy when you just post what you wrote over IM earlier in the day.  I should keep an eye out for this kind of thing more often… maybe I could put them on auto-publish and get the blog running itself.  Nah… but it worked well today.

I actually wrote a lot more tonight… on three separate “themes” in fact.  Instead of posting them all here I think I’ll queue them all up for the rest of the week and really will get this thing on auto-pilot.

Until then, goodnight.