Category: grindstone

All about breadwinning.

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scrobbin away

Under the gun.
Ahhh…. I took Thursday and Friday off from work, which, coupled with the Monday holiday, made this weekend seem blissfully long. With family (sister- and brother-in-law) in town, we had a busy time trudging from coast to mountains. And now, although it’s Monday, and I have the day off, and I have a myriad of things I could be doing, I’m sitting here doing nothing. It’s been a good do-nothing day though, since we got up at 6am to take our visiting family to the airport – making it feel like I’ve already slacked for a full day when it’s not even noon yet. Of course, I have the appropriate guilt that’s associated with this level of laziness. I just don’t care. I’m not motivated to do anything… how crappy is that? Ugh…

Let me tell you what’s been keeping me up at nights lately. I have a pretty big-scale conference mid-month at which I’m a presenter. This is a pretty big deal for two reasons. First, the topic of my material will be a very high-interest one, and in fact the two times I teach the class are already booked to capacity. Second, I am woefully behind schedule in regards to developing my content. Normally, I wouldn’t be too worried – I am, by nature, a procrastinator, but I also work well under pressure, so it’s normally not that bad. The difference here is, I am teaching a class about a subject I’m really unfamiliar with. So, in addition to the normal task of developing the material, I also have to educate myself on everything. I have roughly two weeks to do this. However, per the development schedule for the conference, my material should be at 95% this week. People, my material is at roughly… 5%. For the first time in a while, I’m worried about pulling something off. Not that I won’t have the material ready in time – that’s just not an option, my real worry is making a fool of myself.

I’ve given bad presentations before, and I know from experience that it is a low, low feeling to not know your subject matter – and to have that fact be painfully obvious to your audience. Oh, I can still remember the searing embarrassment and desire to run and hide under a rock for the rest of the day. I do not want to experience that again… I’ll do anything. So, I’ve set myself a strict regimen this week. I’ll not only work during the days, but also log hours at night doing as much time-clearing work for the following day as I can. I’m dedicated to reading several pages an evening on the material I’ll be talking to – to get myself properly educated for any probative questions from the peanut gallery. From now until I leave this next-next Monday, I’m going to try and be the world’s most effective worker, cranking out not only my daily requirements but producing a top-notch presentation, as well as a sponge for information that may help me pull off the required feat. I realize that, in doing this, the blog may suffer. But hey, this seems to be the month of the suffering blog… so I might as well roll with it.

Sunday my truck broke. Yeah… just wouldn’t turn over. It’s not the battery, and I only know that because the extent of my car-problem knowledge is what happens when you try to start a car with a bad battery – and this wasn’t it. The thing would sputter and sputter like it was trying to come to life on a winter day, and when the engine finally bit and started to turn over it’d run for all of two seconds before just shutting back off. Perhaps the cracks in my exhaust manifolds that have gone long-unrepaired spontaneously turned into full-on ruptures and I have no back pressure. But honestly, I have no idea what that last sentence even means and the only reason I said it is because I know there’s some key relationship between exhaust pressure and the whole engine bit. So, painfully ignorant to the inner workings of my prime method of conveyance, I left that thing in the parking lot. And that’s where it sits today… waiting for me to play my AAA card and have it towed to some shop so I can be taken advantage of. Stupid truck… what did I ever do to it? Why can’t all machines be like refrigerators? Seriously, when’s the last time your fridge just up and broke down? I don’t care how exponentially more complex a machine an automobile is – that’s no excuse.

Tonight, taking a cue from the only blog that I regularly read, I checked into audioscrobbler.com and setup an account for myself. Audioscrobbler is like a natural extension of what I was trying to do with my “currently hearing” section on the sidebar. Except, audioscrobbler is much better. It gives you infinite history as opposed to my sidebar’s puny “last 7” or whatever, and it also assembles your listening habits into meaningful (at least to music buffs) data that can show trends and favorites. For someone like me, that’s a pretty intriguing idea. Not only does audioscrobbler scrobble together your personal listening habits, it offers aggregate stats for all the users of its service. So, you can track trends, and even get suggestions from other peoples’ playlists for things you might like based on what you tend to listen to. It will take a while to build up any meaningful data, but I think as a long-term thing I’ll replace my simplistic “currently hearing” output with some more interesting statistics.

And, once again, rather than wracking the old brain for more stuff to write – I’m calling it a night. Oh, and before I go – some pictures from our weekend hiking-season break-in hike up Pyramid Peak. We didn’t make it to the top, lost the trail in the snow, but it was a great day outside and a good way for me to remember how horridly out of shape I am.

Goodnight friends… goodnight.

Posted on

USA! USA! USA!

Zzzzzz...
Hey hey hey, we’re back.

Excuse my two-day absence, it’s been a busy transition back to US time and goings-on. Not to mention that by the time this posts I’ll be sleeping in anticipation of another trip. So, I’m not sure what the rest of the week will look like, entry-wise… since I think most of my days will be consumed with this seminar thing. Made it back today to a constipated TiVo, overflowing catbox, two-week un-mowed lawn, and the prospect of a day’s rest in my own bed before hitting the friendly skies once again. Despite being bummed about the short-livedness of it, it really feels good to be back.

Right before I left Taiwan, I downloaded the new Architecture in Helsinki album. PF raved it up, but I had my doubts since downloading their last effort on recommendation, and feeling it was only so-so. Sitting in the terminal in Tokyo, I updated my cellphone with the latest tunes, including the new Arch album. The first real time I listened to it was speeding through the sky somewhere off the coast of Japan, and even though the whir of jet engines obscured the minutae a bit – I could tell this was different than the last LP. The band must have gone to a week-long “Making Your Music More Awesome” seminar or something – too bad Weezer couldn’t scrape enough cash together to attend, damn shame that one. If you’re in the mood for some random, hectic, and at times circus-ish whimsy tunes sung in classic indie-male falsetto – you gotta pick up this album. You can preview a track here, courtesy of me.

Wednesday at work was rough. Tuesday’s sleep was fitful and superficially restful at best, as I sort of had to force myself down. The morning started off OK, I seemed rested enough, but after lunch my body fought hard for sleep. Work was busy though, and kept me paced well enough to keep my eyes open for the afternoon. Work has been… different… of late. I’ve somehow stumbled into both increased responsibility coupled with increased autonomy. I guess the two do logically go somewhat hand-in-hand, but the sudden increase of both caught me a bit unprepared. It’s not that I’ve failed, or am failing, it’s just that I’ve been having to adapt faster than normal to change, since the change is happening faster than usual. So, I find I’m having to keep a tighter reign on myself than I previously had – laying out more structured groundwork and setting and keeping better goals. I’ve always been an adherent to the “just do it” mentality when it comes to work, and tend to not formalize things too much into processes and milestones. But, as things pile up, processes and milestones are becoming less and less avoidable, and are, in fact, becoming almost requisite for success. Less because I need the process and mechanics of goals as formal guidelines, but more so because I just freakin’ let things fall off the plate if I don’t have some organizational way to categorize and approach them.

Dude, this is bringing back more 6th grade memories than I can even describe.

I’m going to bed.

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shuffling papers and stuffing envelopes

Stacks and stacks and stacks...
Today was great, for only one reason – I was ultimate-productive. Not only did I have a great day at work, getting nearly all my pre-Taiwan tasks taken care of; but I also got a bunch of personal pre-Taiwan stuff done. I got a haircut, mowed the lawn, rigged up some drip lines to our new potted plants so they won’t die while we’re gone, laundered massive amounts of clothing, refilled prescriptions, and uploaded a bunch of new MP3s to my phone for the flight. It was awesome. The rad thing is, it’s only 10pm right now and I’m done. If I had to, I could pack up right now and be ready to fly tomorrow morning. But I gots one more day y’allz… one more day.

Today at work I was busy preparing for my impending trip. This meant taking care of any outstanding expense reports and whatnot I’d have to file before leaving. In doing so, I found myself shuffling through a large pile of papers, sorting them, paper-clipping them, and putting them in envelopes. It was fairly quiet around as I was doing this, so the sound of paper on paper was loud enough that I took notice of it. In the silence, as I lined up edges and slid on paper clips, the sound was somehow very attractive. In the background, a printer clicked and hummed to life. As the grains on my stack of papers slid against each other audibly, I was struck by the thought of how “business” it all sounded. The smooth dry papers in my hand and the sound, I suddenly felt very “incorporated” and insignificant… some small person in a huge living beast of a company shuffling papers and stuffing envelopes. I don’t get to do much “old skool” office-type work at my job. 99% of my time is spent in front of a computer, or on conference-call meetings (while in front of a computer). Just sitting at a quiet desk working with actual paper and envelopes and paper clips is not the norm – it’s usually much less tactile. I imagined it as a neat throwback moment to the offices of yore, where people actually used paper and other such physical items.

I recently downloaded a rip of a BBC radio show on which the Arcade Fire were the featured guests. The emcee talked to them a bit about their album, and then they launched into a few songs. What makes this rip so awesome is both the quality of the recording and the quality of the performance. The Fire are on point, they sound outstanding… no, better than outstanding. Just hearing them do a scant two songs serves to remind me how utterly effing incredible that album is. There are good albums, there are albums that may even be the best album out of a one-year period, there are even albums which some regard as the “top” of a decade, and then there are transcendent albums – albums which, upon years of reflection, are just head and shoulders above the rest. U2’s Joshua Tree, Nirvana’s Nevermind, The Beatles’ Sgt. Pepper, Radiohead’s OK Computer, etc. I have no doubt whatsoever that Funeral will become one of these albums – it’s just that damn good.

Looks like Taiwan’s gonna be kinda wet. I think I’m going to bed. Goodnight.

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off the top turnbuckle

Work, you're goin' down.
Forgive the randomness of the post, I actually had a full entry written last night and just got too lazy to search for an accompanying image and post the dang thing. So there is a mixture of two days’ writings. It’s OK though, because I’ve learned I essentially write about the same crap over and over and over…

I’ll be honest, nothing happened today. I went to work and for eight hours I clenched my teeth and things sped by without me getting a chance to think. I don’t think I’ll have much to write, but I felt like sitting down to at least and knock something out.

You know when you have a wad of silly putty, pinch a thumbful in each hand, and pull them apart slowly, creating a long droopy thread connecting the two? That’s how I’ve been feeling after work lately. Just plain stretched. I don’t know what I was thinking, but a couple weeks ago I agreed to “cover” for a couple of my co-workers while they are out of the office. Turns out I’m covering for two guys this week as well as handling my own stuff, and it’s just about my limit. I’m doing it, and it’s working, and I’m not dying… but just barely. If the person who’s pulling my silly putty decides to do a fast yank instead of leisurely pull – the whole thing may snap clean in two at the center. I usually look forward to my Taiwan trips as small respites from the day-to-day grind, but I’ve got a sinking feeling that this trip will be anything but a lull. The way I see it, I’ve got to maintain what I’m currently doing on top of doing the normal Taiwan stuff… great.

Don’t you hate it when, you’re about to leave for two-and-a-half weeks in Taiwan and, you don’t even have any new tunes to carry you through your stay? Really, because I totally hate that. So tonight, I went a’scourin’ the usual suspects for something kind on the cans. I mean, I’ve got this NIN album, but I’ve been listening to it non-stop now for days. I suppose it might last through the trip, but it sure would be nice to have something else to kick off the trip with. But I got some stuff y’all! I got it. The Cribs, who are a less-afraid-of-pop Strokes (gee, I wonder if this sound is hot right now or something?); and The National, who are more subdued and lusher (is that a word?). Anyway, I think I like ’em both – so I’m happy. I mean, honestly – look at the current Phoenix that is rock ‘n’ roll rising from the ashes – then tell me this little tune wouldn’t eat its way right up to the front of the TRL line to share the laurels with the Killeraveryjetstrokes. Man… I want to make music.

I used to trade CDs online. I posted a wantlist, along with the list of things I could offer in trade, and I’d arrange trades with people who had things I wanted and wanted things I had. It all started out as a way to amass the completist’s Beatles collection, but soon blossomed into a full time addiction. Once I acquired every single Beatles item, I moved on to simply trading for things I needed. In college, and for my first couple “career” years, I was trading at insane volumes. Burning and mailing up to 50 CDs in a single week. I was shipping all over the world, and even spent several days on the job at my college internship writing a custom CD trading database to automate and track the trading process: printing shipping labels, sending confirmation mails, even updating the lists on my website. I can actually remember telling people I couldn’t do something with them because I had to stay home and “burn CDs.”

Soon enough though, the whole thing became more trouble than it was worth. In the beginning, I’d listen to everything coming in. I’d print out all the artwork from the “scans” disc which was requisite with each trade, and lovingly cut them out with scissors to fit them in jewel cases. In the last year though, I got buried. I began shelving discs in the little plastic or paper sleeves they were mailed to me in, without ever listening to them. I wanted less and less to spend my time burning, packaging, and mailing CDs. So, sometime a couple years ago – I quit. I left the pages up, but told the world I was done. And, up until a year or so ago I still had my last few trades in unopened mailing envelopes. I mention this now because I’m thoroughly wrapped up in my migration project as I type this… and tonight I “found” my huge pile of un-listened-t0 and un-cataloged CDs. And, it seemed like the perfect time to me to do some house cleaning. I’m ripping through it now, and simply tossing the discs as I archive them. Feels good, like I’m finally “catching up” on something I’ve let stagnate for several years.

On the way out of work today, I caught myself giving myself a virtual pat on the back for a good day’s work. In my time at Company X, I’ve come to realize that I’m very bipolar when it comes to the “how was your day” question. Some days, I leave that building feeling like I gave work a flying cross body chop off the top turnbuckle – like a damn champ. Other days, I leave the building with my tail between my leg because I F’d up. Something I did was dumb, or worse yet, something I didn’t do/know made me look stupid. I guess, then, that it kinda goes without explanation that I feel best on the days when I feel like I gave work the business. Those are the days I go home feeling like a star. The other days are the days I go home and am already counting the hours until 8am as I’m driving out of the parking lot.

For a random link, did you know Billboard magazine now charts ringtones? Of all things. Crazy.

Goodnight.

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the first rule of boondoggle club

Got it? Good!
Sitting in a beanbag on the showcase floor, it’s Tuesday in Taiwan. And before I begin, I’m going to get right down to it – honest-style. This is probably the most purposeless trip I’ve ever made to this island. I mean, I love Taiwan. I love the people, the food, the work environment – but for real I have no reason to be here this week. It’s not so bad, I’ve been hobnobbing and palm-greasing and breeze-shooting, all of which are quite enjoyable to a closet socialite such as myself. I’ve even been spending my work days on the floor at a large conference, answering questions and smiling to strangers. So, there’s a lot I could write about if I needed to justify this trip – but between you and I, I’m using it more as face-time than anything. But, where is my mind? Afterall, the first rule of boondoggle club is: you do not talk about boondoggle club.

Now then, I didn’t write yesterday because I just didn’t have much to say. Oh, sure, I hung out in the hotel bar, ate great food, and even went karaoke-ing with the standard Taipei crew, but I’ve written about all that before… so when I sat down to write about it again, I thought better of it. The trip out here was nice, got bumped to business class on the Tokyo-to-Taipei leg of the flight, so I got to fly in style for a few hours of the long journey. The only thing bad about being here for only a few days is that there’s not enough time to hang out with the people I want to see. It’s small solace that I’ll be right back here again in a short two weeks… I’ve got the standard mixed feelings about that trip too. I am, however, really excited about bringing Sharaun out… I’m hoping she likes this place as much as I do.

I feel like it’s been forever since I’ve written. Maybe because it’s already Tuesday night here, I feel like I’ve missed one more day than I really have. Do you guys know how hard it is to come up with new things to write about? I mean, here I am, writing again about not having things to write about – that should give you some indication. For a while, writing about not writing works OK, but soon you get tired of it. So, rather than follow my drive and make a post every day, regardless of it’s merit – I’ve pretty much adopted a policy of: no substance, no entry. I know, this entry is questionable at best, but there’s some stuff in here that might be worth it.

On the plane over here, I was (for some reason) thinking about money. Nowadays, people never even seen most of the money they have and use. I mean, there is no “hard” money anymore. Our paychecks go into the bank electronically, and I trust some computer to sum up what’s in my account. I never see half the money I spend. I hand someone a piece of plastic and trust some computer to subtract it from my balance. All my money is nothing more than a number on a computer screen. My bills are automatically debited from my account, subtracted right off that phantom total. It’s kind of scary when I think about it. Makes me somewhat understand the stories I’ve heard about old-timers not trusting banks, and keeping lockboxes full of cash under their bed or something.

Well, another day comes to a close here in Taiwan. Goodnight.

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dinner with the family

Outbound once again.
So… the night before last was pretty awesome. I got a call from Sharaun on the way home from work, and in pretty short order we both agreed that we didn’t feel like doing dinner at home. We ended up having an awesome dinner for two at a local Indian joint. Sometimes, even though we’re together most every night – we don’t seem to get enough time to talk about random things. And that one-on-one dinner really hit the spot. We talked about work, about not-work, about summer plans, about all sorts of stuff. Then we made a joint trip to Wal Mart so I could pick up some socks. Afterward, I helped teach her the basics of non-linear equations so she can tutor a former student of hers. Man, I really enjoy algebra. Especially explaining it to other people. I think I could easily be a math teacher, really. I was talking slope-intercept form like it was taught to me yesterday. Anyway, it was a really enjoyable evening with my wife… we need to do that more often.

I mentioned that new Radiohead track yesterday. Hearing it just got me all Radiohead’d up… and I started listening to Kid A tonight. Man, that album is so outstanding. I can remember getting it like it was yesterday, in fact – I think I even wrote about it way back then. August 28th, 2000: The real new album I am waiting for is Kid A, Radiohead’s 4th – coming in early October. I know it’s going to be awesome. I am hoping to download [it] before it’s released – the promos should start showing up on Napster soon hopefully. September 11th, 2000: Listening to Radiohead’s new one, Kid A. It’s not out for a month yet – Napster. Awww yeah… that album made a huge impression on me. I can remember being the new kid on the block at work. I sat two floors up from the team they put me on. No one even knew I existed. I got no e-mails, no calls, no nothing. For the 1st six months I’d come in at nine and go home at three. I can remember feeling guilty for taking a paycheck for sitting around, listening to music, reading webpages, and writing. Kid A just worked so well with that lonely, out-of-my-element thing that was the first few months of my employment.

Made reservations for my happening-way-too-soon trip to Taiwan tonight. I actually realized that I’m departing US soil in a mere week’s time, and had yet to book flights and hotel. Not wanting to pay the dreaded less than one week booking premium, Wayne and I called the “emergency” travel number late last night and booked our trips. Two weeks people. The notion is seriously dreadful to me right now, leaving a week from today to go to Taiwan again. If it was only a week trip, I think I’d be fine… but two whole weeks. The only other time I was there for two weeks, I started getting seriously antsy for home near the end. And I know I’ve said it a million times, but I always get like this right before I go. Once I’m there, I’m usually OK. I just wish there was some way Sharaun could join me, I think she’d get a big kick out of Taiwan. Ahh… Taiwan… I come to your island shores once more.

And now it’s 11:30pm on Thursday. The trash is at the curb, the dishes are done, and the countertop is clean. And that, my friends, means it’s time to hit the sack. Goodnight.

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the modern worker

Shiva.
12:20pm on Wednesday afternoon, and I’m right where I want to be for the rest of the day. At home, windows open, music on. Too bad I have to go back to work, that place really puts a damper on my days. I’m listening to a live version of a new Radiohead song that leaked the other day. Seems they’re back in the studio and working on long-player #7. I can’t deny that I consider them to be the most important musicians of the last 15 years, and I look forward to each of their releases with the utmost anticipation. I mean, what other outfit today could see a bootlegged live version of a single new song get a three-paragraph review? Despite my afternoon off yesterday, I still don’t feel right. I’m hoping it goes away soon, I don’t want to be sick and traveling. Yes – that’s right. I’m off for Taiwan yet again in just over a week. You know how I always dread going just before I’m supposed to go? I’m in that phase right now, I just plain don’t feel like going. Two weeks this time, ugh… I feel like I just got back from the last trip. Anyway, I am going, so I better get used to the idea.

Last night I crawled in bed a little after 11pm, and started thinking about how much I didn’t want to wake up and have to go to work the next day. Then, a sentence came to me. Then another. Soon enough, I had enough stuff to warrant me getting back up and out of bed to sit in front of the computer and write a paragraph. I finished it last night before midnight, and almost added it to yesterday’s post – but decided to keep it in case I didn’t feel like writing today. And then, here it is…

I am the modern American worker. I am the employee you hate to love. I complete all that is assigned to me. I foster relationships, work well in teams, and know my field. I will always do what is necessary to succeed. I am easy to get along with. I meet deadlines and assume responsibility. You can rely on me. Resources permitting, I will come through for you 100% of the time. I know how to prioritize. I know how to delegate. I can handle many complex tasks simultaneously without degrading the quality of my output. When you compare me to the checklist, I will meet or exceed all your criteria. Wanna know what else? I feel no sense of duty or loyalty towards my employer; only laziness and comfort keep me where I am. My interest in the company’s success extends only as deep as my desire for a continual paycheck. My work is not inspired. I do not aspire to climb ladders, keep paying me and I’ll stay here forever. I view my job as the necessary evil funding my real life. I say what you want to hear and do what you want done so that you will shut up. Every once in a while I will go above and beyond Joe Employee – but I don’t do this for the betterment of the company or for personal growth – I do this because I know those gold stars at the top of my review might earn me more money. If your goal is to see how much you can squeeze out of me without complaint, my goal is to determine the minimal amount of effort to likewise keep you complaint-free. I will always be like this. The more responsibility you pile on me, the more I’ll pretend to care – and we’ll all be happy. I will express completely insincere feelings so that you think I am one of the ones who “really cares.” I’m the modern American worker, it’s nice to meet you. You can shake my hand if you want, but I just took a piss and didn’t wash it.

I resisted touching that up from last night’s original midnight incarnation, so it’s 100% raw as-written. Looking back, it seems a little overboard and harsh – but I guess it makes its point.

I found this article fascinating. It’s long, but the author writes well and the subject is something I’m a tiny bit familiar with, working in the Indian-rich field of engineering. Once, a friend and co-worker of mine was taking vacation to head to India for his arranged marriage. He’d never even met the woman who’d be arranged for him, but had corresponded with her via phone or e-mail. He was not scared or nervous, but excited. I remember him telling me, “You should come to India for the wedding. I cannot pay for your plane ticket, but if you are able to come you will not have any other expenses. You can stay with my family, and all your food and lodging will be taken care of.” He told me he would be “honored” if I attended… and to be honest, I really considered going – it sounded like the experience of a lifetime. Too bad my pockets aren’t overflowing with money, or else I would’ve. Anyway, read the piece if you have time… good stuff.

Goodnight.