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nomads & their garlic-hands

I made dinner Sunday night and I had to chop garlic.

Anytime I do this, chop some fragrant spice for dinner, typically garlic or onions, the smell seems to leech into my fingers and can linger there for days. It’s not something overpowering, you wouldn’t turn your nose were I to walk by or anything, it’s just a subtle note of the aroma when you’re close.

For instance, if I put my hand to my chin to smooth my beard, as I often do at work subconsciously, despite the fact that my beard is cropped short enough that it hardly needs “smoothing,” I’ll catch the scent on my skin. I can even increase the potency and notability of the thing by warming my hand; seems to bring it out. I do this, too; I’ll make a little tunnel, fingertips to palm, and blow softly therein. The warm moist breath spikes the residual scent, bring it more to the fore. Or I’ll wring my hands together, letting friction warm my skin.

Sure it sounds odd, but I like the “primal” feeling I get when I note that my hands smell like spices. It’s the same kind of ancestral “connected pride” I feel when I labor with my hands and find them rough for a day (before they regain their cubicle-dweller suppleness); throughout time humans were rougher and smellier and more physically tied to the things they did.

Sure fifteenth century nomadic Frenchman’s hands smelled of garlic and rosemary and whatever else grew in the folds of earth he hunted and abided in. Men and women alike probably also carried a deal more unsavory odors along with them; blood and feces and age-old sweat and dirt all other manner of “down in it” things. They were surely also roughened with work and exposure, hardened, creased and maybe even often pained. Tirelessly rooted to the elements that both governed and sustained them.

Yes, when my hands smell like garlic, I think of nomadic hunter-gatherers of the middle-ages. Strange.

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go on little sister!

There’s a song, the last song, on the new Sufjan Stevens EP, All Delighted People, called “Djohariah.”  It’s seventeen minutes long and doesn’t have any words for the first ten or so.  It’s amazing.

Over the past week I’ve listened to this song non-stop.  The last time I became so engrossed with a single song was with the famous “take 20” leak of 2009.  I’m seriously sick in the head about this tune; addicted.  I’ve started measuring time in “Djohariahs;” how many Djohariahs can I get in at the gym in the morning?, before that next meeting?, while I wash up after dinner?  Sharaun tells me we have to leave the house in fifteen minutes so we’re not late for church and my brain goes, “Oh, that’s almost one whole Djohariah,” as I fumble to hit play.

Those who know me would undoubtedly say hyperbole is no stranger to me, but I do find this track some kind of “transcendental.”  I have listened to nothing but this song, over and over and over and over, for days.  My last.fm profile says I’ve listened to it 113 times since the EP leaked on Sunday.  That’s 113 x 17 minutes, or 32 hours of Djohariah; averaging over half of each of my working days this past week.  This is an amazing statistic for me: one hour each morning at the gym, a couple hours combined each day at work, and evenings at home.  Sharaun has been more than accommodating of this fanaticism, and I think even likes the tune a bit – although won’t likely get as much mileage from it as I can.

It’s not just the music here that’s amazing.  Not just the eleven minute opening guitar-work, reminiscent of a set-closing “Cortez the Killer” and having all the magic spontaneity and wonder of a one-take masterpiece ala Emerson’s “Lucky Man” closer.  Not just the swelling chorus of human voices used where others might simply use a synthesizer to fill the space.  Not just the attention-grabbing changes in tempo and mood.  No way y’all, this track says something.  The more I listened the more I wanted to know what the heck the track was about.  I Googled “Djohariah,” and found a link to some hippy-spiritualist lady… which, being that we’re talking about Sufjan here, sounded plausible.  But a couple links later I learned that Djohariah is, in fact, the name of Sufjan’s sister.

Oh man it’s a song about his sister.  That made it all the better.  Would that I be able to write something as awesome about those that I love.  Then I listened.

Djohariah got caught up with the wrong kind of guy and he did her wrong; left her and the child God gave them; split.  Sufjan is writing to encourage her, his little sister, now a single mother.  Her man has left her, squandered their money, neglected their house and yard, and she’s ashamed at how the neighbors see her.  Sufjan asks her not to cry, reminds her what a blessing it is to be a mother, and implores her, “Go on! Little sister! Go on! Little sister! For your world is yours, world is yours! All the wilderness of world is yours!”  I don’t know if it’s really biographical or just germane fiction, but it’s emotive and powerful and personal and it has all the markings of a heartfelt composition in both sound and words.  I love this song, Ms. Stevens you must be one amazing woman to have engendered such an organic outpouring.

You can listen to Djohariah right here, and buy it for a buck while you’re there.  Enjoy.

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what would it be?

It was so hot yesterday when I got in the car after work I touched the metal bit on the seatbelt and burnt myself.  That’s hot.

Sharaun is asleep on the couch; has been since 9pm.  Early, even for her.  I’ve got the home theater PC playing a nice random shuffle from the collection, right now I’m jamming to part of Colosseum’s 1969 The Valentyne Suite.  It’s good Sharaun is asleep, actually, she would absolutely revolt if she had to listen to this frenetic mess of stabby organ.  Actually it’s good for more reasons than simply sparing her the Colosseum’s psychedelic-prog-jazz – she really needs the rest.  I have to remember she’s up three times during the night, and at about forty minutes a piece she’s getting two full hours less sleep than I am.  Combine that with eight hours spent at home with Keaton and Cohen and I’m surprised she wasn’t out before 9pm.

Despite her exhaustion, or maybe in defiance of it, she really helped me today.  My alarm went off around 5:45am and I arose intending to go to the gym for my morning workout.  But when I sat up in bed, something was wrong.  Well, two things were wrong: 1) I had stayed up far too late the night before and was in no mood to sacrifice an hour of sleep to the elliptical and 2) I immediately remembered something.  That something was the fact that, the afternoon before, I’d printed out a bunch of paperwork before leaving the office – with designs on reviewing it in the evening for a back-to-back string of important meetings I had at work the next day.  That night, however, I completely forgot about the printouts and the need to review them.  Waking the following morning then and remembering that my meetings started at 8am and went solid through 3pm… I became quickly horrified that I’d entirely forgotten to review and prepare.

I sat in bed agog.  How could I forget something so important?  It was now 6am and just a couple hours stood between me and those meetings.  I told Sharaun what I’d done (or not done) – she was awake feeding Cohen – and, deciding, said, “I’m going in.”  I was at work by 6:30am and spent the wee hours preparing and readying and am happy to say those meetings went quite well.  My wife though… and this is where it gets good… my wife had obviously read perfectly the stress and slight panic in my face as I sat bolt-upright in bed.  Around 9am she texted, “I’m thinking about you, I hope your day is going well.”  Then around noon she e-mailed, “Hope your day is still going well. I wanted to know, if there was one thing that you would like to see get done while you’re at work, what would it be?”

And even though my day hadn’t gone even remotely close to being “bad,” I think that if it had she’d have turned it all around with those couple of notes.

Too bad I’m such a jerk of a husband though, I responded with, “Israeli–Palestinian peace accord.”

Not really.  But that would have been funny.

I love my wife.

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some new pictures

By popular demand.  Did this at lunch, partly to aggressively defend my personal time and stave off the encroachment of work thereinto (that a word?).

Enjoy.

[nggallery id=44]

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grandkid-a-palooza

Back in California and it’s just as hot as Florida but with less humidity.  They told me the weekend here was “like Fall” though, so I’ve got my hopes up for more of that.

My brother and his wife had a daughter last week, Kenley, on Sharaun’s birthday.  It still feels strange to think that my kid brother is a father, but it’s been a fun thing to talk to him these past few days.  He texted me while were in Florida saying, “This is the hardest thing I have ever done.  It is completely exhausting.  How do you make it look so easy?”  To which I replied, after laughing, “It’s never easy, but it does get easier.  Welcome to selflessness.”  Later that day he wrote, “I broke down into tears.  She wouldn’t stop crying and I felt completely helpless.  It is so hard.”  Yes… yes it is.  Man… I remember breaking down into tears myself during a couple particularly difficult instances with Keaton.  I empathized with the whole feeling helpless thing, having been there many times and not being able to help the baby or my overworked wife.

For our part, we’ve settled fairly well into a “two kid” routine, although maybe it’s unfair to say having been traveling for a week.  Sharaun’s early breastfeeding woes have been erased by time and conditioning and we’re both used to the nighttime routine.  Luckily for us Keaton is a heavy sleeper and doesn’t wake up when Cohen cries to alert Sharaun that he’s hungry (lucky for us he’s not much of a crier to begin with).  Cohen’s been spending a little more time awake over the past week, not sure if it’s related to all the stimulation of Florida or just that he’s growing up (10lbs 3oz, as a matter of fact – most of it testicles, in the Davis tradition), but it’s nice to see his eyes and watch his aimless facial expressions.  I could (and have) stared down at him for an hour.

I think it’s time to go to bed.  It’s late and I want to go to the gym before work.  Goodnight.

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east coast morning writing

Writing from the early morning east coast time, something ungodly early in the west coast analog.  It’s right around the middle of our trip and the first time I’ve sat down to do any kind of writing – this feels right for a vacation.

Cohen was wonderful on the flight out, and we’re hoping for a repeat performance on the return flight.  Since being here he’s rarely left the crook of some family member’s arm.  Keaton, too, gets spoiled at Ami’s house.  Between the pool and the beach and the constant attention it’s no wonder she loves going to Florida.  Earlier in the week Uncle Tyler took us for an alligator-watching tour on the St. John in his new boat and she liked that too – must have seen 30+ of the pre-historic looking beasts.

The rest of the week is looking tight; filled to the cracks with birthdays and dinners and visiting, not to mention the hope at some solid do-nothing time in between all that (a common lament of mine when we come).  I already know we won’t be able to do it all.

And with that, it’s back to figuring out the activities of the day.  Writing remains secondary, so the blog may fester for a few more days… but it’s worth it.

See ya.

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i had a terrible dream

Last night I had a dream which I woke me, I think, because it stirred such a horrid feeling within me.

I was driving, on our street, heading towards home.  Keaton and Cohen were with me, Sharaun wasn’t.  As we passed our neighbors’ houses on the way to our driveway I looked out the passenger window and was startled to see a large wild animal loping along the sidewalk in the opposite direction.  In the dream the animal was non-specific, as dream-things often are, yet I knew that it was both a) scary and b) man-eating.  When I woke I thought maybe it was a hyena or coyote or something, but I don’t think it’s important.  Still shocked and now a bit concerned, I made sure to fully close the garage door before thinking about exiting the car.  And even though it was clearly headed in the other direction, I checked the mirrors to try and be sure the thing hadn’t followed us in.  Once satisfied that we were safely separated I proceeded to take Keaton and Cohen out of the vehicle and head inside.

We weren’t five steps inside the house when I heard it: A gut-wrenching scream from outside.  In my dream I knew the scream was from a child, a little girl maybe of eight or nine.  I also knew that she was screaming because that animal had found her.  Over and over again she said “Oh my God,” and pleaded at the fleshy edge of her screams, “Please!  Someone help me!  Please!  Oh… God!”  I froze, not even through the laundry room that separates our house proper from the garage.  I had set Cohen down on top of the dryer upon hearing the screams, and Keaton and I stood staring at the wall in the direction of the noise.

I was absolutely terrified.  I moved to pull Keaton close to me, but then realized I needed to help this poor girl who was, as I knew from that dream-knowing you get in dreams, being killed by the beast.  But I didn’t move right away.  I stood there while she called out and I knew the time to intervene was running out.  Finally I was able to un-root myself.  I told Keaton to stay inside and lock the door behind me and I left Cohen on the dryer in his carrier.  I went into the garage and grabbed some heavy metal implement, then I grabbed another and one more still.  I opened the garage door to silence.

I was already too late and I knew it.  My hesitation cost the girl her life.  But I still made a cursory walk of the block, recruiting other neighbors as I went and arming them with the extra shovels and breaker bars and whatever else I brought.  I led a circuit search with them behind me eager to help, but I knew that it was of no use.  All I could think of was where the thing had drug her body away to, and I remember hoping that we didn’t actually find it on our hunt – it would be too hard to see what I let happen.  Because I knew she’d be rent and broken and gone from the world and I knew it was because I failed to act quickly enough.

I awoke with my heart beating fast and I felt utterly ashamed and sad.  I’ve languished in the deepest pits of despair over real-life sins of commission, and I swear the dream-inspired shame and sadness over this sin of omission matched it.  Sharaun was sitting up in bed next to me feeding Cohen and the room was dark.  I told her about the dream and it made me feel better to acknowledge the un-reality of it all in doing so.  The feelings slowly lifted out of my chest as the realization that it was all in my head sunk in, and soon I rolled back over to re-join sleep.

Dreams are neat.