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elephant’s memory


Hooray for Monday… Back from a weekend of camping with friends and family. My brother’s time in town ends today as he heads north to see my folks for a while, was good having him here and I’m glad he got to meet Keaton. We took camping-with-baby to the next level this weekend by pulling off a two-day trip. Keaton took to it fine, but then she is an infant and is relatively easygoing regardless of her surroundings. I was happy, however, that we were still able to enjoy some commune with nature and campfire and tent – despite now being laden with child. For those of you who like pictures, I’ve added two new galleries to the media page: check out the camping trip here, then wash those down with my week twelve update to Keaton’s gallery.

The other night I had the strangest dream. It was now, and by that I mean Sharaun and I were married and had a little baby girl named Keaton who we fawned over incessantly. In the dream, I was going through my normal daily motions: holding the baby, changing the baby, staring at the baby, talking about the baby… y’know, all things baby. Then, out of the blue, I had a realization: Sharaun and I had another child, prior to Keaton, a little boy – and we’d forgotten all about him. I rushed back to the bedroom and there he was, sitting there all alone, unloved and forgotten. My heart broke as I instantly remembered loving that boy as much as I had been loving Keaton just minutes ago, I remembered Sharaun and I showering him with attention and staring at him, transfixed by his every expression. But we’d forgotten all about him, I hadn’t even remembered we had him – and I felt awful. What a dream, eh? Wonder what the heck that means…

Goodnight friends, the pictures will make up for the rest.

Posted on

or write poetry


Thursday night mofos! Tomorrow I’m attempting to head out of work a bit early to head for the hills and begin our two-day camping trip. Keaton’s 1st multiple-day outdoor experience, I’m pumped. Sitting here watching the TiVo’d finale of the National Spelling Bee, which I’ve been hooked on ever since the year I caught the possessed Rebecca Sealfon on take the crown on ESPN. Now it’s moved to prime-time on ABC and it’s all glitz and glamour, and I love it to death.

Things are work right now are so “maybe, maybe not” that I find my strictly logical mind floundering amidst all the ambiguity. I’m OK at making contingency plans, any good engineer knows that’s key – but making a multi-headed hydra of contingencies and outcomes, each relying on each other to form some twisted, writhing, tangled knot of possibilities is something I don’t enjoy doing. When each action relies on three other actions which all may or may not happen, each with their own “likelihood probability”, my brain immediately tells me, “This is stupid! Something bigger is wrong here if you have to ‘plan’ like this! Stop now and go back to stone-one, figure out where the grand eff-up was and fix it.” Thing is, I think my brain is right. If your “plans” start to sound like the horoscopes in a women’s magazine, where you can interpret them however you want and they say nothing of substance, you’ve got more fundamental problems than just too many variables. In that case the basis of your plans, or your planners, or maybe even your motivations and goals are faulty.

The 411 on your project today…
Embrace the program you’re working on, honesty sparks even more happiness. You’ll have to guard against saying too much today, especially if you get into a conflict with a friend, your guy, or someone you have to work with one-on-one. Avoid the urge to be like Donald Trump. Swallow any tendencies toward pomposity or ambition. Instead, sit around eating ice cream and talking to your friends, invent a new project – or write poetry. This program is full of turbo-charged energy and sweetness, so just ignore any trash-talk you may hear in homeroom. Relax! Remain open to the possibility that a combination of self-sufficiency and outside assistance could work for you.

It’s been far too long since I reviewed some of the better search engine phrases that’ve led folks to this blog. Let’s check some out and try to respond to them where appropriate, shall we?

  • how to keep a mantis prawn as pet
    Easy: Don’t.

  • rebel flag bathing suits
    … look great at Klan rallies?

  • nobody like stevie ray vaughn
    I disagree.

  • origin of the phrase “dry hump”
    Actually, I invented it. It, and all kinds of humping.

  • home remedies for singed hair
    “Remedies?”

  • I think my girlfriend is scamming me
    And the internet is definitely the right place to confirm it.

  • i deserve a beer
    Yes; yes I do.

  • i hate itunes
    Yes; yes I do.

  • forgot moms birthday
    Shamefully, so have I.

Before I go, chew on this: I took the 4,000 spams screenshot on yesterday’s blog at 8:30am on May 31st (according to the file creation time). At that time Akismet had trapped 35,471 comment spams during the time it’d been installed on my blog. Tonight, at 9:12pm on June 1st, a mere ~36hrs later, Akismet has blocked a total of 42,373 comment spams. That means that over span of not even two days, my site was hit with 7,000 spams. At this pace, it’s looking like the 5,000 spams a day record might be less of a “high water mark” and more of the new normal. Praise to Akismet for blocking all but one or two pieces which I’ve had to manually filter.

Goodnight and good-weekend to you, biatches.

Posted on

thom yorke in a cave


Good evening from Wednesday night, which was a slightly more productive than the bust that was my Tuesday night. I did manage to get my hair cut, which was one of the things that’s been nagging me – but I missed mowing the lawn again… tomorrow, I guess. Work today was an 8hr exercise in futility: lots of math, thinking, crystal-ball-peering, planning and plotting… all with not nearly enough satisfaction at the end of it all. I keep hoping the direction will return to what I’m doing, and know I’m partially responsible for feeling without it. I can do my part to operate under whatever pieces of direction I can assemble, but I know I won’t feel 100% “purposed” again until I get some better clarity from above. I suppose this is all a learning experience, a primer in big-business red-tape… but I still have little tolerance for aimlessness. Enough with this.

The premise of this article fascinates me: that there are still areas on this planet which may remain relatively untouched by human development. It gets me thinking about how many other sealed-off isolated little ecosystems are out there. Little tiny worlds that exist only unto themselves, knowing nothing about anything else outside their walls. What if our whole galaxy is just some little sealed-up pocket of space in someone else’s world, waiting for some sanitation workers there to break through into our sheltered existence while drilling for a new sewer system? Yeah, I like thinking about things like that.

Well, it was only Tuesday I wrote about the eventual leak of Thom Yorke’s solo album as The Eraser (which happens to have one of the best album covers I’ve seen in a long while), and wouldn’t you know it I “happened” upon it while webbing around tonight. Needless to say I was ecstatic, and could hardly wait for the electric pulses coming down the coax to be converted into music. It took some ingenuity to find the dang thing, since it hadn’t really hit the “mainstream” filesharing sites yet (and I’m not exactly sure I’m still young enough to know where the “mainstream” filesharing sites are anymore anyway). Turns out it “officially” leaked sometime on Tuesday, maybe even Monday night – so I am indeed a few days off “fresh” when it comes to illegal album leaks. I’m still listening now, but I’m pretty much bound by my abounding enthusiasm to like this album – either that or eat my words. It’s crazy that an album can make me this happy.

Oh, and I dunno if you guys noticed – but I got like 4,000 spam comments overnight, check out the proof:

That’s a lot of spam in a short amount of time… it was just a couple days ago I was talking about hitting 30,000, and here I am about to break 40,000… I am so popular; with spammers; yay.

Goodnight.

Posted on

how not to ride a bike


Welcome to my Tuesday night folks. Wanted to get a haircut on the way home from work, but the place looked packed to the gills on a driveby so I opted out. Figured I’d mow the lawn instead, but Sharaun had dinner ready nearly as soon as I got home. Boo-hoo, I had to instead sit on the couch and spend my time uploading pictures to the internet for your viewing pleasure. For those of you who are picture-whores, I’ve uploaded the latest batch of pictures to Keaton’s gallery. And then, as an added bonus, once you’re done marveling at the cuteness of our daughter – I’ve finally completed (or, made current, rather) the huge gallery dedicated to the three-year long project that is our backyard. From breaking ground to yesterday, all in photos – waste some time and watch it change at the backyard gallery.

When I was a kid, I had a book called The Bike Lesson, featuring the Berenstain Bears. The story followed Junior Bear getting a new bicycle, and Papa Bear attempting to teach him all the important lessons he’d need in order to safely enjoy it. Only thing was, Papa Bear made for an awful example. He ran over big rocks, rode off a cliff, even ended up in a tree. Because he was so terrible, he ended up turning most of his lessons for Junior into “how not tos” instead of his intended “how tos.” That’s what I feel like my program at work is like right now: How not to run a program. Everything that could possibly go wrong on a program has gone wrong, and the morale of the larger support team is suffering as a consequence. I’m not talking random, act-of-God, type things going wrong – I’m talking about shortsighted people making stupid decisions and classic planning and execution missteps. It’s so frustrating to be at the helm of a floundering ship, to have to stand there and proclaim “all is well” while you’re secretly wishing the whole damn thing would just go under.

Sharaun and I have decided that we are going to have our annual Halloween party this year. Keaton will spend a few hours with a babysitter. We actually debated this quite a bit, as my first tendency was to feel selfish and guilty wanting to be able to have the party as usual – but the more we talked about it the less negative I felt. She’d only be away for a few hours, and in capable hands, and dad would get to show off his new prop (an animatronic scary scarecrow, as I’ve already decided). We’ve also got a family-themed costume idea, although Keaton likely won’t be around to show it off by the time people start arriving. I’ve always wanted to strike a balance between being a protective, involved parent and one who’s not obsessive about never being away from their child and can’t enjoy their adult-time. It’s amazing though, how much you don’t want to be away from them… part of the plan, I suppose.

Goodnight folks, the media makes up for the lack of writing, OK? OK.

Posted on

in summary


With my new laser-tuned eyes getting better and better with each day since the surgery, I expect to be able to see through steel sometime next week. As it is now, I’d be hard pressed to come up with an instance of money better spent. I’d recommend the surgery to anyone flirting with the idea – there really is no reason not to (unless it’s 1900 one-dollar reasons). Seriously, unless you’re one of the unlucky .01% for whom the surgery results in blindness and/or impotence – there’s no reason not to have this vanity procedure.

My brother got into town on Thursday, and we spent the weekend in the backyard clearing weeds and planting groundcover. I always get the most work done when I have someone working with me, it just makes time go that much faster. We got a lot done, but I’m hoping to get a lot more done in the coming days. With a work-partner, I seem to have so much more motivation than when I’m out there single-manning the thing. I’ll try and get some pictures of the work up on the galleries before mid-week, maybe alongside the week twelve Keaton update I’ve got planned for Tuesday night. Yes, I know, I’m the only one who’s really “teased” by these “coming soon” writeups… but I’ve got to write something.

Next weekend we’re headed out for Keaton’s 2nd camping trip – a two-day stay this time, on the middle fork of the American River. Should be a good affair, lots of folks signed up and I’m hoping to get out of work early on Friday to head down and stake out the best spot. We’ve done this trip many a time before, and know the campground well – it’s a gorgeous spot the only drawback of which is the fact that there’s not a whole heck of a lot to do aside from sit around and relax. A buddy suggested we setup some horseshoes – and I think that’s an excellent proposal. Then of course there’ll be the standard camping fair of fire and food cooked outdoors.

Man… I’m really struggling for things to write here… anyone got ideas? Let’s do some canned stuff written last week.

Pitchfork’s track-by-track detailed review of Thom Yorke’s pending solo effort is simply tantalizing. It’s supremely frustrating that this reviewer has had a chance to hear the effort (and even moreso since he reviews it positively). I cannot wait to hear this album, it’s like a Radiohead fan’s wet-dream to get a Yorke solo outing in the same year the band drops a new album. And, unless the review was done on an invitation-only listening party basis – it does offer some hope that, if there are promo copies in the wild, leaks will trickle down shortly.

So, in summary: I love camping, get your eyes lasered, brothers make good laborers, and let’s all hold our breath for Thom’s album.

Oh… and my trapped-spam comments count is about to hit 30k… a milestone, I think. Goodnight.

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fingers crossed


Midnight on Thusrday night (early morning): Lasik-Eve.

I stayed up late to watch the season finale of Lost, and because I have no work to wake up for tomorrow – just a 10am appointment for Lasik surgery. I’m ready; ready to see. I had like four paragraphs written, but they were all boring so I’ve moved them into the bin, where they’ll get appended to shorter entries over the next week. For tonight, however, I have nothing much at all. I wanted mainly to write about how anxious I am to get this surgery done – not anxious/nervous… more anxious/excited. Maybe tomorrow sitting in a room awaiting the laser… maybe then I’ll be more nervous than excited, I dunno.

The surgery is at 10am, should last about one minute for the whole thing (cornea-cutting and eye-burning), but there’s probably a half-hour to hour of waiting and other “prep.” They dose me with some kind of sedative prior to going in, so they’ll need at least time for that to set in once I’ve arrived. The, I’m off home (Sharaun as my driver) to sleep it off. They recommend as much sleep as possible immediately following the operation, as there can be some discomfort as the anesthesia wears off – but apparently not enough to wake you if you’re sleeping. So, I plan on sacking it out for as long as possible post-op – although I’ve heard that with some folks you can even see an improvement as soon as walking out of the doctor’s office, albeit a haze-shrouded improvement.

They told me I’d be able to go to work as normal Friday, even drive myself in.

Wish me luck.