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now it’s now


Tuesday night, almost-finished-but-didn’t the final Halloween prop, I ended up missing a few minute but crucial bits and couldn’t leave the house as I was alone with Keaton. Tomorrow it is, then, for the finished product – time is ticking though, and I’m ready to have it done. Maybe I’ll come home tomorrow at lunch and finish it off. After working on, and quitting working on, the prop, I came inside and worked a bit on December’s “Best of 2006” post a little… then stopped to take a dump… and now it’s now. Sharaun’s busy fabricating our costumes for Friday’s soirée, and I should be working on making a replacement tombstone for the one that got jacked – but I’m not… I’m just not motivated. So instead I’m listening to music.

I absolutely loved this article (and the comments are particularly good too), the seafaring metaphors make for an entertaining read, and the meat is nice and meaty. Lamenting the many IED-pockmarks in Great Britain’s road to from March 19, 2003 to now in the Iraq war, the writer makes some interesting statements – including this one:

It is no small thing to find oneself on the wrong side of an argument when the debate is about the biggest disaster in British foreign policy since Suez; … no small … to have shackled our own good name to a doomed US presidency and crazed foreign-policy adventure that the next political generation in America will remember only with an embarrassed shudder.

Anyway… remember when we hastily invaded Iraq without international backing, the administration’s reasoning firmly based on the “overwhelming probability” of WMD (despite what revisionist history may say)? Fast-forward to now: North Korea most certainly has WMD, not one nation on Earth would question that. Remember the fear that the administration whipped up on the “likelihood” that Iraq might be producing and plotting to use WMD? Where is that fear for North Korea? Why is the nation not being whipped into a frenzy this time? (More stunningly, but slightly off-topic, why aren’t people taking note autonomously… must we wait to be told what to fear and who wears black?) We’re not seeing the same fear mongering because we can’t afford it. We’re completely committed to a theater of war that is now, without a doubt, a solid loss. We fucked up, fucked up big. Invaded a country on false pretense, blowing the horns of WMD and Democracy when we were really after a toehold in the Middle East and a more secure supply of oil. Oh sure, way back in 2003 this foreign policy may have seemed logical.

But oh, my friends, where we are now. Now – it’s crystal clear that Iraq, while it was no poster-child for human rights or fair government, was no imminent threat. But, while we were busy spreading ourselves thin and spilling blood for pure lies – the world was not idle. North Korea got the bomb, shadowy extremist networks like Al Qaeda mobilized and struck in far more sophisticated plots than we imagined them capable of. And all the while, we tore down a country that was, at its most threatening, a sticky situation for international diplomacy.

Anyway, the whole thing made me wonder, when I help Keaton memorize names and dates on flashcards for her 10th grade American history class, how this war will be memorialized in the books…

Anyway, we need to get off this war crap. The big ol’ Halloween party is in a mere two days, and things are pretty much ready. My mom and dad are coming down to spend a few days with us and Keaton, and are going to help out by babysitting the night of the fête (apparently English didn’t have enough synonyms for “party,” so we jacked a bunch from the French). I’m going to try to not get too ridiculously loose as the shindig, so Saturday won’t be a complete waste. Anyway, I have high hopes for what will be our fourth annual bash – and I’ll try and get some pictures of the costumed action up sometime early next week.

Goodnight lovers.

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self-centered focus disorder


Monday and I’m wishing I had some more time off, work is not sitting well with me of late. I’m depressed by how much stupidness goes on there, sometimes that happens. I waffle between one strategy where I master the politics and bullshit and just ride the wave, and another strategy where I try to “fix” things and make things better – and sometimes I get torn between the two and feel… ineffective… or something. Also, sometimes I just get discouraged, need a vacation, need time to do nothing.

I get these irrational peaks of emotion, where I just sit at my desk thinking about how much I’d rather be at home with Sharaun and Keaton, or how I wish it was Thanksgiving or Christmas and I was with friends and family. Sometimes, when this happens, I get an almost uncontrollable urge to “run,” to just get up and go. I can’t explain it really, it’s like I just get this sudden influx of what’s important in life and I want to go be with those things instead of at work. Sometimes these peaks align with particularly busy or hectic times at work, which is logical being that those are the times when a body’s mind would naturally turn to things more enjoyable – but other times they happen quite randomly, seemingly unprovoked.

Anyway, this morning at work I had one of those… and I wanted nothing more than to run away from it all. Get in a car with Sharaun and Keaton and head somewhere quiet, turn off the phone, lock the doors – hole up with what really matters.

You’d think one paragraph would be enough to cover that, right? But no, I think I’ll continue. I often get these mental interrupts when executing on a task, and I’d almost always classify them as “selfish.” What I mean by that is, when I’m doing something that’s anything less than exactly what I want to be – I’m frequently interrupted by thoughts of doing that other preferable thing. Typically these thoughts aren’t enough to derail whatever I’m doing, but they can certainly add delay.

Thing is, there are precious few times where I’m actually completely content doing what I’m doing, where my mind isn’t racing thinking about other things I could be doing instead. I wonder sometimes if this kind of thing is normal, or if it isn’t some kind of ADD-thing. I’ve long come to terms with my own selfish nature – and have pretty much stopped feeling ashamed when I want to abandon one thing for a different one that makes me happier or serves me better – I’m just a dick that way. I guess, whatever it is that finds me sidetracked so often, it doesn’t really wreck things for me – I function OK despite, so that’s good.

Maybe I’ll coin a new disorder or something: SCFD (Self-Centered Focus Disorder); symptoms include always wanting to do what you want to do.

Pavement’s newly reissued and expanded Wowee Zowee: Sordid Sentinals Edition leaked the other day, and I’ve been spending a good bit of time examining all the Zowee-era goodies that I’ve never heard before. Some good stuff on there, from what was a landmark album to me – the album that truly got me interested in the indie-rock sound. Several tracks are ones I used to have on various singles, but haven’t heard in a long time – and some are just brand new or live. I’ll be honest though, I never have been a huge fan of live Pavement… but there’s some interesting stuff on here. Particularly intriguing are a couple versions of cuts which are labelled as “recorded in Holland” and are significantly different from their previous incarnations (albeit for some reason centered far to the left of the stereo image).

Before I go, I did manage to get some pictures up for this week’s installment of Keaton-in-pictures. Check ’em out here. Goodnight.

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so long, long weekend


Sunday night coming off an extremely short-seeming four-day weekend. Shame, really, I enjoyed myself so much at Ben and Suzy’s wedding that the time flew by. Saturday was largely spend loafing around the house catching up on a night of little sleep and letting my stomach recover from fried food, wine, and clove cigarettes. It’s Sunday morning now as I write, I’ve got a Twilight Zone episode playing on TiVo while Keaton plays on her blanket on the floor and Sharaun’s getting ready for church. After she gets out, I’ll strip the baby down and take her in with me so we can both get cleaned up for the week. Gameplan for today is short – work on the finishing touches of the new Halloween prop and maybe grill some burgers if the weather holds.

Today I finally bugged Sharaun enough that she let us all sit down and attempt teaching Keaton to feed herself some small solid food. Sharaun is deathly paranoid of her choking, and I think if it were up to her we’d hold off introducing small solids until she had a mouthful of molars. But, in the face of my prodding, she relented and we laid out a smorgasbord of cheese bits, sweet potato puffs, and smooshes of pear on her highchair tray. While she’s good at picking up most everything and putting it into her mouth, she didn’t show much interest when it came to things actually edible. Instead, she pushed around the food, picked it up and looked at it, and nudged it around the tray. Finally, I helped her by plopping things into her mouth, all of which she dutifully chewed and swallowed with nary a gag or cough. It was cool – that baby is getting biiig.

Speaking of Keaton, I just barely managed to not get her week thirty-two photos up before heading off to dreamland sometime after midnight – but (much to your pleasure, I’ll go ahead and assume) I’ll pledge now to get them up tomorrow night just as fast as I can. Apologies. To tide you over, go ahead and reminisce with me as we look at just how much she’s grown up since her internet debut.

It’s been a massive couple weeks for music, a virtual opening of floodgates, the amount of new and potentially exciting stuff to listen to being almost too much to handle. But, some how, I’m managing… pulled on my waders and walked right into the deluge to sort the flotsam and jetsam for the good stuff. So far, I’ve been digging the Fratellis, Malajube, and with the recent Shins and Mogwai leaks it’s shaping up to be an awesome year-end rally. I’m especially looking forward to sinking my teeth into the Shins album, and with it not seeing the streets until January, I should have plenty of time to form an opinion. For now, though, I’m completely hung up on the Malajube album… it’s simply outstanding, even if every word is in French and I can’t understand what’s being said.

You guys see Obama’s verbal dance around his previous assertions he wasn’t considering an ’08 bid? Seems he’s changed his mind, and I find this extremely interesting. Spent some time last night wading through the Digg comments on the news to see what other “young hipsters” had to say about the whole thing. If any crowd represents the tuned-in youth of today, it’s Digg, although that’s honestly quite a small percentage of voters (remember the digital divide?). Anyway, check out the comments yourself if you’re interested – I, for one, think it’d be a heck of an interesting race of he did officially cast in his lot.

Well folks, I’m off to bed – that’s enough for “an entry,” even though it’s less cohesive than that one glue that those 3M scientists accidentally invented while trying to invent a “super” glue that was so weak it was deemed useless until one scientist started using it to temporarily stick notes around the office and was then subsequently marketed as PostIt Notes and made millions.

Goodnight.

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ghost writing


For today, something different. A random selection of entries from my highschool/college “blog.” It was a lot like this place, ‘cept I called it a “journal” instead of a “blog,” it wasn’t for public consumption and accordingly not dressed up as much, and the writing is terribly juvenile (I know, I’ll be similarly ashamed of this tripe later in life). Anyway, here follows some entries, dated for easy reference, cut verbatim from the first organized canon of writing I have (I have scraps and notebooks back to ~’93). Cue smoke and those tinkling bell things.

8/23/95

So much for writing frequently. Jeremy lives with me now, has for a while too. I love having him here, it’s great. I’ve seen some great friends leave lately. And it’s always that handshake and the “good luck man” that gets me in the end. Mikey left, Bostrom left, Danny left, Rob leaves soon, Keli and Robin left. Just me Niz and Sharaun left here, owell that’ll do for now I suppose. Sharaun says I don’t act the same as I did two years ago when we first started going out, well, that was two years ago and all. I dunno, I just can’t figure out how to feel. I would miss her if I lost her, I know that. But if I did lose her I could gain friends again, whatever. Hate thinking about that. I’m ordering a bunch of Beatles bootleg cd’s from Germany, I sent some guy I never met a check for $200, pretty smart huh? All I can say is that I hope I get some music. Niz and I went to the Bahamas, man what a blast. I especially like Natalie, she’s a great girl to talk to. Don’t get me wrong, I still love Sharaun. Well, don’t feel like writing much more today, talk later perhaps.

11/15/95

Sharaun told me today that she basically wanted to sever all contact with me, I guess since people have been telling me that’s what I’ve needed – then I should be happy. Owell, we had a good two years and I’ll have lots of memories to tell my grandchildren. I was under the mistaken impression that our friendship meant something to her, yeah right. I have been experimenting with my voice and the computer and recorded one of my poems from above and some backwards speech that I thought might be interesting in the future, I plan to fill up and entire tape with odds like that eventually. I mailed the letter and tape I made to Kyle today, pretty neat sending something to an Air Force Base to one of your ex-best friends who still really figures in your life. Jeremy is working, but he should be home soon. It is very cold tonight in Florida, and I don’t have any clovers to enjoy with the cold, maybe I’ll borrow a Pote. Vanilla Fudge is an excellent band ya know? They have great songs and stuff.

2/18/96

I always write in this thing like I am writing to someone, I guess I kinda sit here and imagine some future person reading it. Kinda like someone will one day be interested in what I was thinking while I was growing up or something. Anyway, if I get down to it – I doubt anyone will ever read this, and if I do save it on disk, I’m sure by the time I’m old and someone wants to look at it all for posterity sake, this disk will be so outdated and unusable they’ll probably just throw it away instead of going to the trouble of finding and old Packard Bell that has Microsoft Works on it. Anyway – I will not let those thoughts daunt me – I will continue to write as if someone is reading this, or will be reading it. I makes no sense to write it thinking I’m just writing – that’s retarded. So, hereafter this and afore it all – these paragraphs, lyrics, poems, muses, commentaries and thoughts are laid bare before you to interest, disgust, inform, enlighten, reform, influence and delight you. Hopefully you’ll respect them, if for nothing else but for the fact that my thoughts are recorded here and that no matter how meaningless they are to you – they are my thoughts, and I guess man is lonely without his thoughts. But then again, loneliness is nothing anyway.

6/3/96

Early in the morning and I just woke up. Don’t have to be at work till 5. I have The Breeders “Divine Hammer” on the set – making me smile. Kyle came back for graduation and his mom’s wedding. I went to graduation, and had a good time. Kyle, Andy, Drew, Joey, and I have been doing a lot together. We had Chris’ B-day party over at Rob’s, his parents are in the Bahamas. I’ve been there.

And with his best serious-face in place, he lied to her out loud and in the middle of a crowd. They embraced and he felt so cheap, but she was happy and he got to go on feeling good about himself. “For some reason,” he thought, “They just don’t comprehend as much as we do. It’s so easy, it’s almost a shame.” But then he messed up, and it all got out. And he was tarnished. For some reason, no matter how much better they are, they always seem to mess up.

This thing is now 30 pages long. And this month will mark its first full year. With entries for almost every one of the past twelve months (save one or two) it makes a nice companion to remember my thoughts and feelings.

12/4/97

Woke up late today and had to rush out to class. Only come to find out that we have some quiz that I didn’t even know about. Needless to say, I didn’t do very well. This Physics class is really bringing me down – I just can’t get it. I just pray that I get at least a C in there so I don’t have to take the whole Godforsaken class over again next semester, that could screw everything up.

I am going home tomorrow again to work for Frank the funnel cake man. Wheee! I love work in the food business. Owell, it’s $100 and boy do I need it. I wish I could win the lottery, I’d keep going to school for the education sake of it, but I wouldn’t be as pressured. My finances would be set for life, no more worry. The whole money thing really sucks. I mean, I know there’s no other way to do it. You have to have some sort of economy, but I don’t understand how it works. How can our money be backed by gold, why is gold so special anyway? What makes it so valuable. I guess it’s the same unknown force that can make some words “bad.” Arbitrary choice is what I call it. Okay, maybe the scarcity of gold plays a role, but still – who cares. Dinosaur eggs are pretty rare too – why not back our money with those?

I mean, whose to say that this money is actually worth something? It’s all just paper. If someone who had no concept of money was offered a $500 bill, they’d say “What do I want with paper?” “But, it’s backed up with valuable gold sir.” “What’s gold, I don’t care, give me food or shelter or love, something I can really use you know? What do I want with a shiny metal or green paper, they won’t sustain my life.” Ahhh, but without them you can’t get shelter or food. That’s the catch.

So, I can understand the need for money and economy – I just wish it didn’t govern my life so much. I mean, why am I really in college right now? Because I have a passion for learning and love to go to school, not really – although I do like to learn. But the reality is that I am in college because I need a degree to get a job, I need a job to get money, which I need to live. I guess it’s a valid argument to say that you really don’t need money to live, you can always live without money, there’s plenty of ways. But those are the ways of a man in the mountains who traps and makes all his own food, has no electricity, and lives like a pioneer.

Maybe that’s why I am drawn to that lifestyle, not the full-on pioneer life, but a happy mix of mine and theirs. You know, a mountain cabin, but with electricity so I can have lights, television, and computer. Just enough amenities to live comfortably. I wish that I could just be retired but not old. Have some money to live off of that I never worked for. Man, the lottery would be great. Almost time to head back to school.

6/22/00

It’s a Thursday. Summer A is over tomorrow. However, I am done already. Not just done with this semester, but done with it all. 23 years old and finally out of school. I can’t believe it’s really over. I haven’t really figured it all out yet, so much will be happening to me in the next month, I still haven’t been able to grasp it all. All I know is that I am ready. Ready to take on whatever it all turns out to be. In fact, I want it to get here even quicker than it has been. I am leaving Gainesville on Saturday, leaving for good – save the one day we come to pick up our goods and pack the truck for California. Three years in this town and at this school, I finally made it. A graduate, a working class American husband, living in the California foothills.

Goodnight.

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what was in my yard


Before work this morning, as is my routine in these pre-Halloween weeks, I went outside to take the props off of “night” mode (which is a no-motor, high-light mode aimed at theft deterrent). Upon opening the door and stepping onto the porch this morning, however, I was shocked to see something foreign amongst the foam tombstones marking faux plots on my lawn.

My shocked sucking of breath made one of those airy whistling sounds as I instantly began shaking my head and exclaimed, “Oh… oh my God.” Sharaun, in the kitchen stirring the milk and Splenda into her first cup of morning coffee, must’ve heard me and immediately assumed we had once again been victims of Halloween thieves. “What now!?,” she bellowed from the kitchen, with just a hint of exasperation in her voice; after all, being robbed twice would tend to get a fella down. “You’ve got to come out here now,” I say, punctuating the sentence with giggles. Noting from my tone that this was likely no common robbery, she started towards the door. “Get the camera,” I requested, as I moved in for a closer look.

Once I realized what it was, staked there into my yard and towering above me by a good two feet, I immediately knew who’d done it. I left the thing up long enough only to appreciate its humor and take a couple pictures, then I immediately removed the installation and promptly took it inside. I told Sharaun to call my prime suspects, and in short order the whole thing was admitted. With the culprits outed, I arrived at work and was urged to check my pharaohweb.com e-mail. I did, and found a cryptic mail with a ZIP archive of pictures. And, if you follow the link below, you’ll be able to experience this whole thing much as I did – and you’ll understand exactly what I’m on about.

Click here to see what I found in my yard.

Top work, lads and ladies. I applaud you and am flattered by the effort.

Goodnight.

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q&a


Tuesday night, but tomorrow is my Friday – as Ben’s wedding sees me taking both Thursday and Friday off to do my groomsmenly duties. Can’t wait, should be awesome fun and drunk-relaxing to boot.

You know, a few months ago when I finally decided to add my e-mail address to the sidebar of sounds familiar, I wondered at first if anyone even noticed. Then, the mails trickled in. They were simple at first, although I got the occasional nugget. Over time though, I feel I’ve collected enough of these gems to assemble a choice little review. So, here we go friends, a rundown of what I feel are some of the best e-mails I’ve got as a result of my blog entries:


Did this really happen? (written in response to my poop entry)

Why yes, it really did. My old college roommate at the time even confirmed it here. I assure you that I really did spend an afternoon cleaning feces off the floor, wall, and ceiling.

i like to be gay with u, and in some of ur blogs u sound like u might b ok with it?

Sure! You’ve keenly picked up on the obvious homosexual undercurrents in my writing. Let’s meet sometime in real life and see if we get along. Maybe then, and only if you’re cute, can you be gay with me. I want to make it clear that, while I’m not 100% gay, e-mailing me random propositions is probably the best way to increase your odds.

Chinese people make me nervous, they always look like they will rob you. How can you relax there? (written in response, I think, to my entries on trips to Asia)

Well, you’re right – Asian people certainly do come across all back-alley thug, don’t they?. But, you have to work through it if you want to really connect on a global scale. Look, I’ve been to Taiwan like, ten times, or something – and I’ve only been stabbed twice (and one of those was with a chopstick, so that doesn’t even really count). Plus if you’re able to conquer your fears, the Asian tail is saweeeet.

Your daughter and wife are beautiful, but your fat and your hair is thin.

You have keen powers of perception, dear reader. I am indeed a bit oafish, and a good bit of my hair has gone the way of the dodo. I also agree heartily that my wife and daughter are some of God’s finest creations. However, I have a very logical explanation for it all: Panties shake loose in fits of laughter around me.

I can’t believe you think that fukken album is good, you must have retardness of the brain and cancer of the ear and a permanent shittaste in your mouth from all the shit you listen to. You are a dick idoit bitch. (written in response to this entry)

Whoa, padner… slooow your roll here. What gives you the right to criticize my taste in music?! I have a blog, you idiot, and that makes me an expert on whatever I deem myself an expert of. I won’t let your negativity impact my genius, I just won’t.

I think I also have this allergy. Did you ever feel itchy in the shower after football? (written in response to this entry)

Football? Shower?

do u go to mihs? i think i am who blew u in the field. (written in response to this entry)

Wow, where to start on this one – this is probably my favorite one to date. First off, no, I didn’t go to “MIHS.” Second, I’m preeety sure you’re not the girl I was, uhhh, writing about. Your first clue should have been the fact that you seem to be writing about events which transpired relatively recently, while I, on the other hand, am writing about something which happened in my storied past. Wow.

You could do this much easier with real robots. (written in response to this entry)

“Real” robots? Now why didn’t I think of that?

Brilliant! I showed this 2 my youth group that my stopid mom makes me go 2!! (written in response to this entry)

Just what I need on St. Peter’s roll when I show up, spreading heresy to impressionable kids. Seriously though, don’t take anything you read on the internet as gospel. In fact, don’t even take the gospel as gospel – question everything and you’ll be better for it.

Lately, my el-cheapo Pioneer receiver has started to tick me off. Thing is, I don’t even do anything with it. I don’t have a CD player hooked up anymore, it’s up in a box in the garage with my record player. I simply don’t listen to anything at home that’s not the free XM feeds that come with DirecTV, piped off the iPod, or playing from my hard drive – no need for all that media (in fact, all my already ripped CDs went into bins and subsequently into the rafters in this past weekend’s organization fit). Anyway, for some reason the damn thing has taken to enabling only the right speaker more often than not. Oh, the other speakers are still functional, the test tone confirms this, but they just don’t work. I fear an internal circuit inside the budget box has gone lame. Certainly not an insurmountable problem, but the whole thing just makes me think I’m being told it’s time to upgrade the whole A/V solution… plus stupid Pat keeps talking about the falling prices of flatscreens…

Well, that was nice. As for the rest of the week, I think I’ve got something creative planned for Thursday and Friday’s posts – if it works. For more good stuff today, pop over and read this piece – it’s a good one.

Goodnight.

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whither hast thou gone?


Another Monday and I’m just sitting here downloading some music.

Wow, wrote those words and passed out snoring for 30min, some kind of magic dust has settled over me and I simply lost consciousness for a bit. No problem, dinner was Sharaun’s fantastic potato chowder (one of my favorite meals of all-time), and cleanup is a snap, and I’ve got the writing itch tonight – so I should be able to make up for the unexpected slumber.

This morning on the way to work, I saw a high-school couple waiting to cross the street. The young buck had has arm flung around his quarry, making a public display of their union. Seeing them fondle and peck at each other as they waited to cross reminded me of my own high school relationships. Rushing to pre-appointed spots in the scant 5min between classes to touch tongues. High school in Florida was hot, so midday between-class kisses were underscored with a heady scent that was combination of morning soap, teenage perfume, and summer sweat. To a boy of fifteen, those minute-long makeout breaks were something to be looked forward to – as well as a public flaunting of virility for all to see: that guy is workin’ it. Looking back now, those unbridled hormones and PDA seem “gross” and inappropriate – but thankfully youth blinds one to such social stigmas and leaves you free to grope and groan before the world without shame. Ahhh… youth… you fickle bitch, whither hast thou gone?

If I won the lottery, one of the amenities I would allow myself would be clothing myself exclusively in hand-tailored clothes. Nothing fancy, mind you, but tailored specifically to me nonetheless. I hate the way most clothes fit me, and, yes, I realize I can change this with a diet and exercise regime – but tailored clothes just seem so much more regal. I could stop my jeans from binding up near the top of my thighs when I walk, get shirts that don’t pull to one side leaving one sleeve sitting further up my arm than the other, put pockets where I want them for what I need them, and maybe get a suitjacket that isn’t more like a straightjacket in the shoulders. I think I have this thought every year upon the return of jean season, I hate 90% of the long pants I have – and the three pair I enjoy are about worn out. Curses.

I toy all the time with changing my WordPress theme, updating it to the newer more modular-type themes that more recent versions of WP use. Mine is lovingly hand-crafted (read: spaghetti-code CSS) and built on the old legacy style theme templates. Sometimes I just browse through themes seeing if there’s anything that I could see myself simply going hard-over to, but I never find anything as simple or clean as what you currently see. Besides, I’ve kind of grown fond of the boxy greenness, despite its shortcomings. So, for now, I’ll leave it. Who knows, as the years continue to go by and if I continue to write through them, I’ll likely be forced to update and move along. But until then, Sounds Familiar finna keep it real.

Goodnight my friends.