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foolish faith


Monday night and I finally gave into this sickness I’ve been trying to shake the past week or so, coming home after noon to try and get some rest (didn’t work, ended up on the phone or e-mail the entire time). Monday night and Neon Bible still hasn’t leaked (the new Clap Your Hands Say Yeah! did though, so that helps a little). I really though it’d be soon after those five tracks dribbled out last week… I think they’re just messing with me now. Hurry! Up! Arcade! Fire! Let’s write now.

I wanted to start these next few paragraphs with an impactful, attention-grabbing sentence: In this day and age in America, religion, Christianity in particular, I fear, is headed for the same fate as the Southern accent.

If you haven’t noticed, in recent times the Southern accent has, quite unfairly, been associated with ignorance. I’m not sure where this stereotype actually came from, but you can pick up on it from just about any piece of pop culture from the last 70 years or so: look at Gomer Pyle, who was famous for his idiocy, and had the most pronounced twang in Mayberry; there’s Cleetus, the “slack-jawed” yokel from the Simpsons; the entire premise of the backwoods hillbilly Clampett family being misplaced in the modern world. Yeah sure, those shows are serving to foster the image, and maybe it’s unfair to use them as examples – but for more proof you don’t have to look much further than Saturday Night Live’s President Bush caricature. When did having a Southerly drawl automatically lower your perceived IQ? I’m not claiming it’s ubiquitous, not everyone is shallow enough to pigeonhole someone by their accent, but still – it’s there.

When I was a kid, we used to this incredibly mean and insensitive thing when we wanted to ape an idiot. We’d let our hand hang limp at the wrist, and then repeatedly thump it against our breast while making “Der, der, duh, der” sounds. This was an imitation of a “Jerry’s Kid.” Crazy thing was, as a kid I really didn’t even know what I was doing. I mean, I knew I was somehow making fun of retarded kids, who apparently beat their own broken wrists against their chests on the Jerry Lewis Telethon – but I had no idea how mean it really was. We were just calling each other stupid. Make a dumbass comment, and I’m gonna tease you by thumping my chest and doing my best “Uhhh, derrr, oohhhuhh.” See, I didn’t really know any retarded kids (that’s not entirely true, but mostly so) – but I assumed they were all stupid (OK, strict definition of “retarded” aside) and therefore a good point of reference when calling out someone else as such. Hicks, yokels, Okies, hillbillies, rednecks, Johnny Rebs. And I think Christians are headed the same way. Instead of tomorrow’s kids beating their chests with limp wrists, maybe they’ll thump and imaginary Bible or fold their hands in mock prayer.

Being religious is is turning into being stupid, and it’s happening fast. Oh sure, throughout history people have always been “too smart” to have faith, the whole science vs. faith thing has been around for eons, but I think it’s different these days. Today, the loudest voice is not longer the church and it’s various supporters installed as kings and queens. Today, the voice heard above the most is that of media and celebrity. And that is, more often than not, not the church’s voice (some might say it’s the voice of reason, others the voice of Satan). Regardless, if the believing collective don’t get their act together soon and do a major PR campaign, they risk being forever viewed as the Flat Earth Society – the new Jerry’s Kids, the new Cleetuses. Plenty of smart people believe in God, right? Doesn’t matter – who’s going to willingly join a organization of dinosaurs futilely holding onto the old ways? You may think that, as everyone gets dumber, everything will balance out – but I disagree. Everyone being dumb just means it’s easier for those who aren’t to convince the masses their way is correct.

I’m rambling now. Let’s sum it up: Christians in danger of being recast as simpletons, need to come up with plan of action before this fate unfairly befalls them. Stereotypes are bad, but they’re also powerful as hell and take centuries to overcome.

I wrote fast, probably full of typos, omissions, and things I didn’t mean. Goodnight bitches.

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the liberated vandal


Saturday morning Keaton came down with the pukes. She returned her morning oatmeal to mom not but an hour after happily eating it, and the refused to eat solids for the remainder of the day. On top of that, all she wanted to do was sleep. Sharaun and I spent the day taking turns letting her rest on our chests as we lay or sat on the couch being lazy. I felt bad for her, as she was so obviously not herself, but a little part of me loved her resting quietly on my chest and being so snuggly – reminded me of when she was brand new. Under different circumstances, I would’ve enjoyed it – but seeing her so lethargic really bummed me out (and worried me a little, as we’ve not really seen her act like that before). But, Sunday was a new day – and she seemed pretty much her normal self. Sharaun and I figured she’d either eaten something that disagreed with her (not that we don’t know her diet or anything), or had some quick 24hr bug. Whatever it was, she seems OK now.

Speaking of Keaton, Sunday we decided to go spend all the money we’ve been avoiding spending on her. It’s time for her to get a new carseat, time for us to stop building couch-cushion forts and buy real baby-gates, and time to get some locking things on the cabinets she loves to get into. All told, we ended up spending ~$200. Kids are expensive, and you there’s little way to minimize that. It’s not like we’re making frivolous purposes motivated by want, we can’t avoid this stuff. Kids cost money, that’s for sure – regardless if you have it, they’re gonna consume it. So anyway, I worked on putting up the 8ft gate tonight (Sunday), and about twelve gnarly holes in our wall later I had it working. Of course, it’s a damn gate where I’m used to walking freely – so I can’t really call it convenient… but I guess it’s not that bad. A little spackle and spray-on knockdown later, and you’d never know how many swearwords I said during the procedure. Kids, man… they cost money.

And now, an exercise in “real” writing, just to see if I can still do it.

I used to hate people who fold the corners of the pages of books to mark their place. I always had this strange notion that books should be kept pristine, that they were valuable and deserved to be “taken care of.” For that reason, I used to cringe when I’d get a book from the library with creased dogeared corners every thirty pages or so, used to wonder at the disrespect for “community” property these people had. I know that may sound odd, coming from a guy who prizes his coming-of-age years for their social rebellion and watered down anarchy, but I that’s how I felt. Maybe it was because my dad had so many books, so many great books, as well as such a passion for reading. I somewhat realize now that my dad, much like me (or rather, I much like him), is a collector. The “what” of the collecting isn’t really that important, only during the time that “what” is the focus, really – no, it’s the collecting that’s important. Now see, I’ve gotten all off-track, and I’ve covered the my collector urges here before so – back to the page-folders.

Like I was saying I used to hate people who folded the pages of their books to mark their spot. I don’t hate them anymore, though. In fact, I myself now dogear pages in my books. Why? I think, partly, because I realize now that books are meant to be consumed, and as such would logically be subject to the same wear and tear that befalls anything that’s “used.” And, since we’re not yet in some post-apocalyptic state where paper or written history has surpassed gold in value, my concern with keeping books in “mint condition” was plain silly. Furthermore, I at some point came to the realization that owning books is somewhat pointless. For me, owning books is kind of like owning movies – it seems great to the collector in me, to the materialist in me, but in practice it’s rather wasteful and purposeless. Know how often I go back and re-read the books that I’ve bought and consumed? Rarely folks, so rarely in fact that if you were to express it as a percentage of the books I own vs. those I’ve gone back and taken off the dusty shelf to read again, you could argue that it was “in the noise.” (That’s statistician-talk.)

So, in a way, folding the corners of my pages to mark my spot as I read now makes me feel good. Who cares? Who cares if one day someone gets this very copy of this very book that I once read and desecrated? Say their friend buys it at my estate sale upon my death, and lends it to them… maybe they want to read “a classic,” or something. My folds won’t detract from the words on the page, won’t prevent them from enjoying the story – heck, at the worst they may serve as a point of confusion if this future-reader is, himself, a dogearer. But, thinking back to that disgust I once felt for the very person I’ve now become, I actually enjoy creasing that little corner; revel in my disrespect for the things I own. I mean, fuck that book, right? I’m going to buy it with money, I’m going to read it, and it’s going to gather dust in a bookcase until I die or my house catches fire or I sell or give it away. I’ll even unfold my last fold as I read through – no harm done, I care that much. So, each time I fold down one of those little corners and close the book shut to return to it later, I feel like I’m a little less materialistic, a little more “carefree.” Silly, ain’t it?

By jove, I think I’ve still got it. Now back to our regularly scheduled program.

Know what feature I want on my iPod? I want a way to have a living “smart” playlist which contains everything I’ve recently added to the device. I know, iTunes has this functionality in some capacity – but I, unless I just don’t know how to use it right, it doesn’t work the way I want. First off, realize that I’m one of those “fringe” users whose MP3 collection is larger than his iPod, I also don’t use iTunes to listen to music – so I have nothing it the “library” there – as I use the software only as a means to get tracks on my iPod. Also realize that 99% of what’s on my iPod is complete albums, I don’t typically do the one-song thing (although this the iPod itself has changed my longstanding usage model here to some degree). So, what I want is a “smart” playlist that creates a pointer to all the albums I’ve added in the last couple weeks – and I want it sortable by album, artist, song, etc. just like the standard iPod browsing menus. That’s right, I want a playlist, or perhaps subsection more accurately, that sorts just like the regular menu system but only contains stuff I’ve added in the last two weeks. That would be awesome, right? A little sub-menu showing only new stuff. I mean, it’s hard to keep up with what I’ve dragged onto there sometimes…

Still no Arcade Fire leak, just the same five tracks over and over again. Word is that promos are in the wild, so you’d think it would’ve made its way onto the information superhighway by now – but, alas, I wait still.

Goodnight.

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leak! leak! leak!


Wrote to paragraphs last night, gave up and never posted them. Here they go.

So everyone thinks my glass-lung dream has to do with smoking, eh? Not a bad interpretation, actually… and now that I think about it maybe it was smoke I was seeing fill the chambers, not “tinted breath” as I described it yesterday. Either way, it was one of those cool dreams that you actually get to remember – so I figured it meant something. Thankfully, and this is something I don’t say often, this work is dragging at work. This week, though, I’m glad it’s dragging… I need all the time I can get to pull everything I need together before Friday. I’m sitting on the couch now in my boxer shorts, and I swear I can smell my own ass… that, or these shorts were dirty when I put them on. That’s gross to me.

Tonight Sharaun and I had dinner with some long-time friends, I mean from-back-in-FL friends. They have a daughter (who I remember being born) who’s now in 2nd grade, and I got to talking about her about what kind of things she’s doing in school. Trying to think back, I remembered things like have to write what time it was on a drawing of an analog clock and counting little drawn quarters, dimes, and nickels to answer things like “how much money?” As we talked, I decided that I’d head into the garage and actually pull down the box of “David’s Old Stuff” my mom had given me a few years back. Sure enough, I found a math test I took in 2nd grade – and lo and behold: clocks and change. What a memory, huh? I love looking through that box, and someday if I get a working scanner I’d like to digitize and write about some of the cool things in there. I’m also glad my folks saved all that seemingly mundane stuff, it’s loads of fun to look at now – I’ll make sure and do the same for Keaton.

Know what I hate about every single iPod case I’ve tried? All the holes are either hard to get to, or, when easily accessible, made only to fit the standard iPod headphones and charger. That’s just dumb. Most decent headphones or 3.5mm jacks have thicker plugs than those skinny white iPod earbuds, so it’s just stupid not to give users a little more wiggle room if they decide, like me, that they hate the pain-inducing standard earbuds. And, “unauthorized” car charges and wall charges for the iPod are available on eBay for pennies on the dollar – and some are, not surprisingly, a little differently-sized than the OEM or licensed ones. Stupid for these case guys not to think about that. I should go into business making iPod cases… I wonder if there’s good money there. Hear that entrepreneurs?, now you know how to set your case apart from the rest – appeal to those with after-market and bootleg plug-ins. Easy as that.

Late today, two more tracks from the new Arcade Fire album leaked to the internets. Along with the three that already leaked, that makes five of eleven – nearly half the album. I swear each leaked track sounds better than the last. Even more exciting, along with the leaks, message boards and scene chatter was filled with rumors that the whole LP will be uploaded before the night’s end. Now, seeing as I’m writing this on Thursday night – I have the smallest hope that I might actually be listening to the new album on the way into work tomorrow. So here I am, alternating between writing the blog and pressing F5 on the three leakiest trackers I know. Write a sentence, F5, write a sentence, F5… c’mon Neon Bible… you can do it!

Goodnight.

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my lungs were made of glass


Tuesday and it was another 8am-5pm blitz at work, but I’m home now and four beers better and ready to write a couple stupid paragraphs.

There used to be this commercial on TV where the subject was a guy stuck in traffic, and you could hear his thoughts. He was in a shirt and tie, obviously on his way to some office job with the others of the throng. Headed in the opposite direction, he spied a car with a kayak tethered to the top, going away from the place where all the other “suits” were headed. His thoughts went something like “Wonder where he’s going? Mountains? Ocean?.” The point being that he was questioning the routine, him dressed in a monkey suit headed in to push paper for the man, this other bloke in shorts and t-shirt headed out for a day of recreation.

Today on the way home from lunch I saw a gruff looking man in one of those smallish SUVs that are popular now – his vehicle covered with that ashen stuff that shouts of time spent having fun in the snow. That sheen of snow and salt and dirt that grays up the exterior made me wish that I was headed somewhere better than home for lunch and back to work (although since I’m not a big snowports guy, I imagined a hiking or camping outing instead). And speaking of camping and hiking, I’m getting pretty geared up for our first year of “with baby” outdoors activity. I’m excited to adapt, and get Keaton outside and in tune with the Mother.

Last night I had a dream that my lungs were made of glass. Eight-sided glass “cylinders,” like 3D stop-signs. They were made of square plates of glass, and the joints were made of the thick grey solder you see holding stained glass together. Each lung was an octagonal glass cylinder like this, and inside each one there were “floors” or separate chambers. When I would breathe, I could see the air fill each chamber sequentially, like it was tinted in some way. I have no idea what this means, but I thought it was one of the coolest dreams ever – re-imagining my internal organs as some Tiffany-esque artsy glass contraptions. I woke up and immediately went to the computer to write a note about it (“8-sided glass lung/chambers”) so I could recap it for today. And then…

Goodnight.

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gators got that ramma-jamma


Congrats to my alma mater, who won the National Championship last night. Too bad we couldn’t have done this while I was actually at the school – but it was great watching it happen nonetheless. A great end to a busy Monday, almost makes it feel like a weekend or something… with the beer and the pizza and the bare-breasted women. Yeah, got me feeling right-fine as of now. And yes I will have another sip, thanks for asking.

Keaton’s 1st birthday is coming up fast, just a little over a month away – and when I really get down to it and start thinking about what that means, it’s amazing to me. For one, the fact that a year’s gone by, not to mention just how much she’s grown in that time. I can honestly look back at pictures taken in those first few months and say that she’s actually grown, I can see how her facial features have become more defined, her eyes brighter and seemingly more understanding, and her head full of wispy blond hair. I love the fact that we’ve been able to watch her grow, but am also a little scared at how fast it all happened – and have this irrational fear she moves from one point to the next so fast that I’ll “miss” something and not be able to remember it later on. But, in the end, it was a great year and I’m super proud of the way Sharaun and I have adapted to parenthood. I know we’ve faced but a mite of the challenges to come, but, so far, I think we’ve done a damn fine job.

Today I finally got all three new Arcade Fire tracks on my iPod in a decent format, and I did my duty as a fanboy by literally listening to them most of the morning on repeat – one after the other until they were imprinted on my brain. I must say, with every listen my anticipation for this album grows. Add to that the outstanding “internet age” pre-release marketing the band is doing (the YouTube video, the call-the-album thing where the band actually answers the phone, the iTunes exclusives) – and the froth is forming at the corners of my mouth. With the release date now semi-confirmed as March 6th here in the US – I’m counting the days until the inevitable leak. I’ve decided that I’m certainly going to beat the street and grab the leak as soon as it’s up – but I’ve also decided to purchase the album via iTunes when it’s officially available. This way, I’ll feel a little less guilty about the illicit download – and I can jadedly think that my financial contribution may enable the ‘Fire to continue making good music. I’m sure I’ll also break the “have a baby now” concert moratorium if they come to the city again. C’mon Neon Bible… leaky leaky…

In various airports over our Christmas travels, I saw more than a handful of US Army soldiers in those “new” fatigues they have. You know what I’m talking about? That “digital” looking camouflage pattern? I always wondered why the new camo is all pixely looking, and tonight I happened to think about it whilst online. So, a couple Googles later and I was reading this neato article all about the modern-day standard-issues. Turns out the digital pattern “suggests” shapes and objects without actually being shapes and objects, and therefore helps modern soldiers blend into the “flow of space.” Kinda cool.

Goodnight folks, this is just the rut I’m in.

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weekend on the carpet


I spent most of this weekend laying on the ground playing with Keaton. It was fun and gloriously lazy. Now it’s time to close it out, sadly, as the clock ticks towards midnight on Sunday. It’s gonna be a tearful goodbye, as a desk in a cubicle is nothing compared laying on the carpet with my daughter.

Last Thursday, on the way back to work after lunching at home, I decided I felt like smoking my pipe. So, I pulled out one of the smaller-bowled ones I got years back in a batch of estate pipes I got on the cheap from eBay and packed it with my favorite tobacco, Frog Morton On the Town, and happily puffed my way back to work. It was nice, and I think I’ll do it more often. I have less guilt about stinking up my truck because, well… that truck is a piece of work as it is… a little stank won’t really kill its curb appeal or anything. Also last week on the work tip, in the unfortunate bits of work sandwiched between waking, lunching, supping and sleeping, I was quite busy and really pretty productive. Good for me, as I’m still coaxing all the hamsters back into their wheels after coming back off vacation.

A third track from the Arcade Fire’s pending album hit the internets this weekend, this time through the official website as a goodie embedded in a flash page (of which the source was quickly decompiled in short order to get a direct-download link). Again it’s a little darker sounding, and again it’s been getting a fair amount of “can’t hold a candle to Funeral” flack around the water cooler. I dunno, that’s three finished tracks now, and yes they sound good – but I’m not sure anything can live up to my expectations. I fear I’ve doomed this album to the sophomore-slump before even hearing it, and that just ain’t right. Hopefully, I’ll eat my words when the full thing leaks. Maybe it’s just because I haven’t taken the time to really put on my headphones and listen to them – I’ll make it a point to do that soon.

Finally, I feel the need to express my thanks for my wife and friends – who setup not one, but two 30th birthday parties for me (one being a surprise party on my birthday, and one being a joint party with Kristi). Furthermore, special thanks to Cynthia – who not only made both my cakes, but decorated my 1st one in a “Pink is the New Blog” theme, took my picture with it, and sent it over. (For those unfamiliar with “Pink,” it’s one of the ‘net’s most popular gossip-blogs.) Anyway, turns out I made Trent’s Saturday post (scroll down towards the bottom for my cameo). Now, don’t go thinking I’m a huge gossip-blog guy or anything… I’m more of a casual fan (I go there mostly for pictures of Scarlett Johansson and Jessica Alba) and the whole thing was Cynthia’s idea – but it is cool to see your mug on the internet. Way to go.

Goodnight, until the next time.

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the list


A real hodgepodge today, folks.

When Sharaun and Keaton and I were home in Florida the past couple weeks, I had some time to hang out with my stalwart buddies Andy and Kyle. These are guys who I’ve known since my initial days in Florida after moving from California, give or take. You can get a bit of history on them here on my now-defunct and no-longer-linked anywhere “cast of characters” page (the page got too outdated and I always felt I was slighting someone with their “bio,” so I scrapped the whole idea). Anyway, one night we were sitting outside at a little brewpub on the beach, amassed around a table enjoying beers and conversation, and the topic turned to the shenanigans of our past (it often does). Andy mentioned that, at some point when he and I were in college (at arch-rival institutions), we’d bounced an e-mail back and forth between us called “the list,” in which we tried to document some of the funnier and more memorable events from our “wilder” youth. What’s more, he said he still had “the list.”

Well, here we are just two days back from Florida and Andy lived up to a promise he made to me when I heard he still had the list – he scanned it in and mailed it to me. Seems like he printed it on an old dot-matrix printer way back then, and reading it now I was surprised to find how many things I actually remembered quite well. In fact, I’ve even written about some of them here on the blog. My long-term goal, though, is to write a paragraph about each line item on the list (at least the ones I can remember). Anyway… you can check out the list in it’s entirety here: page1, page2, and page3. There are some hilarious stories hidden behind those little one-liners. (Actually, I just looked again at Andy’s scan, and the dates show we did it in June of 1996 – a mere year after graduating high school. So, at that point I was still in junior college and not true university, as I stated above (just trying to be factual here, folks)).

Got turned onto the newish “Tapers Section” feature of the Grateful Dead’s massive meandering website from a music forum the other day. Every Monday, a new bloglike entry is posted, and each post is chock full of MP3s representing snippets of shows played during that week in Dead history. A stellar concept if you ask me, but I’m not surprised the Dead are, even posthumously (as a group, at least), on the cutting edge as far as digital music – I’ve written about my respect for their progressive distribution ideas before. Anyway, if you’re a Dead fan, or just want to get an idea of what the whole Dead “thing” is about, the “liner notes” style of the posts accompanying the music lend a lot of contextual goodness to the aural experience. So go ahead, feed your head.

Over Christmas I mentioned to my brother-in-law that our digital camera hasn’t been working right ever since Sharaun dropped it into the cat’s water dish at 2006’s Halloween Bash. He asked what kind we had, and when I said Canon, he mentioned that when he called Canon customer support when his camera’s flash crapped out after the warranty period expired they offered him a “upgrade.” Turns out that Canon runs something like a loyalty program where owners of older model digital cameras can get cut-rate prices on newer models as part of an official “upgrade program.” There’s scant information on this program on the web and it’s not to be found at all (at least by me) on Canon’s official website, but if you call 1-800-828-4040 (in the US) and tell them you’re current make and model they’ll let you know if it’s upgradeable and to what. In my case, my S400 is upgradeable to an SD450 for $159. Not bad compared to the Amazon price of $317. Another buddy called about his A30 and they offered to upgrade him to an SD550 for $189. A better deal for him, to be sure, but the $159 price for a working, newer camera sure is enticing to me. Haven’t jumped on it yet, but likely will soon.

Goodnight.