Category: blogging

Where write about writing, and my website sounds familiar.

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workforce of me


It’s now about twenty till eight on Tuesday night, and the message boards are once again alive with rumors of a Neon Bible leak before 11pm Eastern (about 40min from now, my time). These days though, with anticipation running higher than Paula Abdul on a Monday morning, everyone’s pulling the old “zOMG it leaked!!!” gag – so I remain cautiously optimistic. Ehhh… the waiting. I should know for sure by the denouement here, so let’s get down to brass tacks (what the hell does that mean?).

In the coming days you may be surprised to see some newish looking content on the Sounds Familiar frontpage. That’s right, I’ve integrated some minimal Google AdSense text-advertisements into the entry loop near the bottom. Hopefully, these won’t detract much from the glory of my writing, or pigeonhole my blog as a simple front to make ducats. I just figured, why not try and make some cash from page impressions… if I’m getting them and all, the ads are pretty non-intrusive to me, and really don’t bother me much (especially if I get a check every month). Pat joked that I’d get a whopping $2.53 a month, and he’s probably right – but I want to at least give a shot and see what happens. So, in short – I’m selling out and I don’t care. Maybe the ads’ll stay, maybe they won’t. But for now, watch for ’em.

Sometimes, at work, I wonder what it would be like if all the people I managed were me. I mean, if they were all clones of me. At first the idea seems sort of good, all moral aspects of cloning aside, because I know and trust myself to do things right. You know what they say, “If you want something done right…” Unfortunately, that’s largely true for me – I really do think I do a good job on most things, so why wouldn’t my me-cloned workforce do just as good? Maybe they would. Often times I catch myself thinking that I could do things faster and better if I just did them myself. This notion is one part asshole, one part bravado, and one part truth. That’s not to say that I’ve been unsatisfied with things I’ve owned at work before, but I knew as I was working on them that I’d ultimately be less-than beaming with pride over them in the end. I also knew I could change that, but deemed the means unjustifiable based on the ends. But, back to the workforce-of-me…

As rosy as the me-workforce may look at first glance, the more I think about it the more I realize how much it would suck. For instance, if I were managing a bunch of mes, there’d be all sorts of limitations: I’d have an entire group working to only about 70% of their potential; I’d have no way to overcome the limitations of the group (like the long ramp-time before they possess enough self-confidence to be truly effective, and their on-again/off-again motivation); and their inherent laziness and favor of flight over fight when things get unpleasant. I’d always wonder if the tasks given to them ended up falling in the 80% “give my all” bucket or the 20% “half-ass it” bucket, and worse always know that division is purely arbitrary. See, I’m an opportunistic procrastinator who’s good at hand-waving and smoke and mirrors. But, maybe, when you get down to it, every workforce is a sometimes-motivated workforce. Hell, there’s even procrastination science, check it:

Desire to Complete Task (U) = Expectation of Success (E) x Value of Completion (V) / Immediacy of Task (I) x Personal Sensitivity to Delay (D), or U=ExV/IxD

Sooo… by that logic, my desire to complete the work I was doing this morning would stackup something like this (I have no idea how to use the equation, so I’m assigning everything a value between 0-10):

Desire to Complete Task (U) = (10 x 10) / (8 x 3) = 4.17

I guess that means I less than half-fully wanted to do the task. Hmmm….

Lot of news around the internet about Sen. Obama’s continuing lean towards casting his lot into the ’08 race, but it’s still just a “strong maybe” as far as I can tell. The hopes of the partisan-disenfranchised moderates are running high though, as Mr. Obama seems to exude some sort of middle-of-the-road intelligent sensibilities and charisma that draws folks in. Personally, my positive feelings for the guy were based pretty much solely on his patriotic, impassioned and eloquent public speaking – but I admittedly know little about his true “stance” on many things (funny how good public speaking can make you just want to “assume” that because he seems like a “nice, logical guy” he’s got sensible positions and ideas – the power of charisma). So, I took to the internets to see what the deal is. One of my favorite sites to visit for a quick idea on where a politician stands on the issues is onthissues.org. While their site design is craptacular, their Obama page is a good point of reference. It’ll be interesting to see if he can keep the warm fuzzy going through to when then herd really starts to thin – what a job for his PR guy(s).

I read this story on off-grid.net the other day (off-grid is a great place to keep up-to-date on the whole, well, off-grid movement – which I’ve fantasized about many times before). How cool would it it be to have a machine that just “makes” water from the air? Now, if I could only figure out how to run that machine hydro-power, and using its own water for the hydro part…hey, I just invented a perpetual motion machine! Please line up to my right for Nobel Prize votes.

Goodnight. (Oh, 11pm now and still no leak. Sharaun says I’m the only one who wakes up every two hours to check… I doubt that… right?…. Want in on the fun? This blog is surprisingly “tied in.” Enjoy.)

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bloggin’ ain’t easy


Trying to do a blog every day isn’t easy, in fact it’s sometimes a burden on my mind. If some after-work drinks go long, I might find my mind wandering, subtracting current time from midnight to gauge my closing window of writing time. I sometimes feel like one of those nutty dog people who leave perfectly fun goings-on to race home and let Fido out, getting itchy to head home and come up with something to post. I have actually caught myself thinking something like, “Oh man, another round of beers? Now I’m definitely not going to be able to write tonight.” Usually though, the act of writing is enjoyable, despite the fact that I may have to actually “work” to get it done by taking time out or staying up late. You may have noticed, though, that over the past couple weeks I’ve missed at least one, and sometimes two, days a week.

This is uncharacteristic for me, but I know what’s happening: Work is busy. Now, in and of itself, that’s just another time-based challenge I have to work around. But lately, work is more than just “busy:” work is frustrating. My mood at the office has been one of a hundred loose-ends and not enough hands to tie them all off. I’m sure this is partly due to the fact that I’m looking forward desperately to our coming vacation in Florida, but it’s also because the environment at work lately is filled with a kind of pointless urgency. I kind of “hurry up” feeling that ends with a largely unfulfilling “keep hurrying up” follow-on. Hopefully Christmas will knock me out of this slump…

To close randomly, I don’t know if the FDA does “usability studies” or pre-release tests with products that are pending approval, but I’m about to make a phone call and see if I can get on some kind of list for this thing. O, what a wonderful tool to put in the hands of the hairy consumer.

Goodnight.

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ghost writing


For today, something different. A random selection of entries from my highschool/college “blog.” It was a lot like this place, ‘cept I called it a “journal” instead of a “blog,” it wasn’t for public consumption and accordingly not dressed up as much, and the writing is terribly juvenile (I know, I’ll be similarly ashamed of this tripe later in life). Anyway, here follows some entries, dated for easy reference, cut verbatim from the first organized canon of writing I have (I have scraps and notebooks back to ~’93). Cue smoke and those tinkling bell things.

8/23/95

So much for writing frequently. Jeremy lives with me now, has for a while too. I love having him here, it’s great. I’ve seen some great friends leave lately. And it’s always that handshake and the “good luck man” that gets me in the end. Mikey left, Bostrom left, Danny left, Rob leaves soon, Keli and Robin left. Just me Niz and Sharaun left here, owell that’ll do for now I suppose. Sharaun says I don’t act the same as I did two years ago when we first started going out, well, that was two years ago and all. I dunno, I just can’t figure out how to feel. I would miss her if I lost her, I know that. But if I did lose her I could gain friends again, whatever. Hate thinking about that. I’m ordering a bunch of Beatles bootleg cd’s from Germany, I sent some guy I never met a check for $200, pretty smart huh? All I can say is that I hope I get some music. Niz and I went to the Bahamas, man what a blast. I especially like Natalie, she’s a great girl to talk to. Don’t get me wrong, I still love Sharaun. Well, don’t feel like writing much more today, talk later perhaps.

11/15/95

Sharaun told me today that she basically wanted to sever all contact with me, I guess since people have been telling me that’s what I’ve needed – then I should be happy. Owell, we had a good two years and I’ll have lots of memories to tell my grandchildren. I was under the mistaken impression that our friendship meant something to her, yeah right. I have been experimenting with my voice and the computer and recorded one of my poems from above and some backwards speech that I thought might be interesting in the future, I plan to fill up and entire tape with odds like that eventually. I mailed the letter and tape I made to Kyle today, pretty neat sending something to an Air Force Base to one of your ex-best friends who still really figures in your life. Jeremy is working, but he should be home soon. It is very cold tonight in Florida, and I don’t have any clovers to enjoy with the cold, maybe I’ll borrow a Pote. Vanilla Fudge is an excellent band ya know? They have great songs and stuff.

2/18/96

I always write in this thing like I am writing to someone, I guess I kinda sit here and imagine some future person reading it. Kinda like someone will one day be interested in what I was thinking while I was growing up or something. Anyway, if I get down to it – I doubt anyone will ever read this, and if I do save it on disk, I’m sure by the time I’m old and someone wants to look at it all for posterity sake, this disk will be so outdated and unusable they’ll probably just throw it away instead of going to the trouble of finding and old Packard Bell that has Microsoft Works on it. Anyway – I will not let those thoughts daunt me – I will continue to write as if someone is reading this, or will be reading it. I makes no sense to write it thinking I’m just writing – that’s retarded. So, hereafter this and afore it all – these paragraphs, lyrics, poems, muses, commentaries and thoughts are laid bare before you to interest, disgust, inform, enlighten, reform, influence and delight you. Hopefully you’ll respect them, if for nothing else but for the fact that my thoughts are recorded here and that no matter how meaningless they are to you – they are my thoughts, and I guess man is lonely without his thoughts. But then again, loneliness is nothing anyway.

6/3/96

Early in the morning and I just woke up. Don’t have to be at work till 5. I have The Breeders “Divine Hammer” on the set – making me smile. Kyle came back for graduation and his mom’s wedding. I went to graduation, and had a good time. Kyle, Andy, Drew, Joey, and I have been doing a lot together. We had Chris’ B-day party over at Rob’s, his parents are in the Bahamas. I’ve been there.

And with his best serious-face in place, he lied to her out loud and in the middle of a crowd. They embraced and he felt so cheap, but she was happy and he got to go on feeling good about himself. “For some reason,” he thought, “They just don’t comprehend as much as we do. It’s so easy, it’s almost a shame.” But then he messed up, and it all got out. And he was tarnished. For some reason, no matter how much better they are, they always seem to mess up.

This thing is now 30 pages long. And this month will mark its first full year. With entries for almost every one of the past twelve months (save one or two) it makes a nice companion to remember my thoughts and feelings.

12/4/97

Woke up late today and had to rush out to class. Only come to find out that we have some quiz that I didn’t even know about. Needless to say, I didn’t do very well. This Physics class is really bringing me down – I just can’t get it. I just pray that I get at least a C in there so I don’t have to take the whole Godforsaken class over again next semester, that could screw everything up.

I am going home tomorrow again to work for Frank the funnel cake man. Wheee! I love work in the food business. Owell, it’s $100 and boy do I need it. I wish I could win the lottery, I’d keep going to school for the education sake of it, but I wouldn’t be as pressured. My finances would be set for life, no more worry. The whole money thing really sucks. I mean, I know there’s no other way to do it. You have to have some sort of economy, but I don’t understand how it works. How can our money be backed by gold, why is gold so special anyway? What makes it so valuable. I guess it’s the same unknown force that can make some words “bad.” Arbitrary choice is what I call it. Okay, maybe the scarcity of gold plays a role, but still – who cares. Dinosaur eggs are pretty rare too – why not back our money with those?

I mean, whose to say that this money is actually worth something? It’s all just paper. If someone who had no concept of money was offered a $500 bill, they’d say “What do I want with paper?” “But, it’s backed up with valuable gold sir.” “What’s gold, I don’t care, give me food or shelter or love, something I can really use you know? What do I want with a shiny metal or green paper, they won’t sustain my life.” Ahhh, but without them you can’t get shelter or food. That’s the catch.

So, I can understand the need for money and economy – I just wish it didn’t govern my life so much. I mean, why am I really in college right now? Because I have a passion for learning and love to go to school, not really – although I do like to learn. But the reality is that I am in college because I need a degree to get a job, I need a job to get money, which I need to live. I guess it’s a valid argument to say that you really don’t need money to live, you can always live without money, there’s plenty of ways. But those are the ways of a man in the mountains who traps and makes all his own food, has no electricity, and lives like a pioneer.

Maybe that’s why I am drawn to that lifestyle, not the full-on pioneer life, but a happy mix of mine and theirs. You know, a mountain cabin, but with electricity so I can have lights, television, and computer. Just enough amenities to live comfortably. I wish that I could just be retired but not old. Have some money to live off of that I never worked for. Man, the lottery would be great. Almost time to head back to school.

6/22/00

It’s a Thursday. Summer A is over tomorrow. However, I am done already. Not just done with this semester, but done with it all. 23 years old and finally out of school. I can’t believe it’s really over. I haven’t really figured it all out yet, so much will be happening to me in the next month, I still haven’t been able to grasp it all. All I know is that I am ready. Ready to take on whatever it all turns out to be. In fact, I want it to get here even quicker than it has been. I am leaving Gainesville on Saturday, leaving for good – save the one day we come to pick up our goods and pack the truck for California. Three years in this town and at this school, I finally made it. A graduate, a working class American husband, living in the California foothills.

Goodnight.

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q&a


Tuesday night, but tomorrow is my Friday – as Ben’s wedding sees me taking both Thursday and Friday off to do my groomsmenly duties. Can’t wait, should be awesome fun and drunk-relaxing to boot.

You know, a few months ago when I finally decided to add my e-mail address to the sidebar of sounds familiar, I wondered at first if anyone even noticed. Then, the mails trickled in. They were simple at first, although I got the occasional nugget. Over time though, I feel I’ve collected enough of these gems to assemble a choice little review. So, here we go friends, a rundown of what I feel are some of the best e-mails I’ve got as a result of my blog entries:


Did this really happen? (written in response to my poop entry)

Why yes, it really did. My old college roommate at the time even confirmed it here. I assure you that I really did spend an afternoon cleaning feces off the floor, wall, and ceiling.

i like to be gay with u, and in some of ur blogs u sound like u might b ok with it?

Sure! You’ve keenly picked up on the obvious homosexual undercurrents in my writing. Let’s meet sometime in real life and see if we get along. Maybe then, and only if you’re cute, can you be gay with me. I want to make it clear that, while I’m not 100% gay, e-mailing me random propositions is probably the best way to increase your odds.

Chinese people make me nervous, they always look like they will rob you. How can you relax there? (written in response, I think, to my entries on trips to Asia)

Well, you’re right – Asian people certainly do come across all back-alley thug, don’t they?. But, you have to work through it if you want to really connect on a global scale. Look, I’ve been to Taiwan like, ten times, or something – and I’ve only been stabbed twice (and one of those was with a chopstick, so that doesn’t even really count). Plus if you’re able to conquer your fears, the Asian tail is saweeeet.

Your daughter and wife are beautiful, but your fat and your hair is thin.

You have keen powers of perception, dear reader. I am indeed a bit oafish, and a good bit of my hair has gone the way of the dodo. I also agree heartily that my wife and daughter are some of God’s finest creations. However, I have a very logical explanation for it all: Panties shake loose in fits of laughter around me.

I can’t believe you think that fukken album is good, you must have retardness of the brain and cancer of the ear and a permanent shittaste in your mouth from all the shit you listen to. You are a dick idoit bitch. (written in response to this entry)

Whoa, padner… slooow your roll here. What gives you the right to criticize my taste in music?! I have a blog, you idiot, and that makes me an expert on whatever I deem myself an expert of. I won’t let your negativity impact my genius, I just won’t.

I think I also have this allergy. Did you ever feel itchy in the shower after football? (written in response to this entry)

Football? Shower?

do u go to mihs? i think i am who blew u in the field. (written in response to this entry)

Wow, where to start on this one – this is probably my favorite one to date. First off, no, I didn’t go to “MIHS.” Second, I’m preeety sure you’re not the girl I was, uhhh, writing about. Your first clue should have been the fact that you seem to be writing about events which transpired relatively recently, while I, on the other hand, am writing about something which happened in my storied past. Wow.

You could do this much easier with real robots. (written in response to this entry)

“Real” robots? Now why didn’t I think of that?

Brilliant! I showed this 2 my youth group that my stopid mom makes me go 2!! (written in response to this entry)

Just what I need on St. Peter’s roll when I show up, spreading heresy to impressionable kids. Seriously though, don’t take anything you read on the internet as gospel. In fact, don’t even take the gospel as gospel – question everything and you’ll be better for it.

Lately, my el-cheapo Pioneer receiver has started to tick me off. Thing is, I don’t even do anything with it. I don’t have a CD player hooked up anymore, it’s up in a box in the garage with my record player. I simply don’t listen to anything at home that’s not the free XM feeds that come with DirecTV, piped off the iPod, or playing from my hard drive – no need for all that media (in fact, all my already ripped CDs went into bins and subsequently into the rafters in this past weekend’s organization fit). Anyway, for some reason the damn thing has taken to enabling only the right speaker more often than not. Oh, the other speakers are still functional, the test tone confirms this, but they just don’t work. I fear an internal circuit inside the budget box has gone lame. Certainly not an insurmountable problem, but the whole thing just makes me think I’m being told it’s time to upgrade the whole A/V solution… plus stupid Pat keeps talking about the falling prices of flatscreens…

Well, that was nice. As for the rest of the week, I think I’ve got something creative planned for Thursday and Friday’s posts – if it works. For more good stuff today, pop over and read this piece – it’s a good one.

Goodnight.

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whither hast thou gone?


Another Monday and I’m just sitting here downloading some music.

Wow, wrote those words and passed out snoring for 30min, some kind of magic dust has settled over me and I simply lost consciousness for a bit. No problem, dinner was Sharaun’s fantastic potato chowder (one of my favorite meals of all-time), and cleanup is a snap, and I’ve got the writing itch tonight – so I should be able to make up for the unexpected slumber.

This morning on the way to work, I saw a high-school couple waiting to cross the street. The young buck had has arm flung around his quarry, making a public display of their union. Seeing them fondle and peck at each other as they waited to cross reminded me of my own high school relationships. Rushing to pre-appointed spots in the scant 5min between classes to touch tongues. High school in Florida was hot, so midday between-class kisses were underscored with a heady scent that was combination of morning soap, teenage perfume, and summer sweat. To a boy of fifteen, those minute-long makeout breaks were something to be looked forward to – as well as a public flaunting of virility for all to see: that guy is workin’ it. Looking back now, those unbridled hormones and PDA seem “gross” and inappropriate – but thankfully youth blinds one to such social stigmas and leaves you free to grope and groan before the world without shame. Ahhh… youth… you fickle bitch, whither hast thou gone?

If I won the lottery, one of the amenities I would allow myself would be clothing myself exclusively in hand-tailored clothes. Nothing fancy, mind you, but tailored specifically to me nonetheless. I hate the way most clothes fit me, and, yes, I realize I can change this with a diet and exercise regime – but tailored clothes just seem so much more regal. I could stop my jeans from binding up near the top of my thighs when I walk, get shirts that don’t pull to one side leaving one sleeve sitting further up my arm than the other, put pockets where I want them for what I need them, and maybe get a suitjacket that isn’t more like a straightjacket in the shoulders. I think I have this thought every year upon the return of jean season, I hate 90% of the long pants I have – and the three pair I enjoy are about worn out. Curses.

I toy all the time with changing my WordPress theme, updating it to the newer more modular-type themes that more recent versions of WP use. Mine is lovingly hand-crafted (read: spaghetti-code CSS) and built on the old legacy style theme templates. Sometimes I just browse through themes seeing if there’s anything that I could see myself simply going hard-over to, but I never find anything as simple or clean as what you currently see. Besides, I’ve kind of grown fond of the boxy greenness, despite its shortcomings. So, for now, I’ll leave it. Who knows, as the years continue to go by and if I continue to write through them, I’ll likely be forced to update and move along. But until then, Sounds Familiar finna keep it real.

Goodnight my friends.

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hallelujah


Thursday? Already? Hallelujah.

Tonight Jeff and Ben and I did run-tests on all the Halloween gear. We tested the PicoBoo’s audio capabilities, as well as it’s controllable AC timing. We tested the air cylinder and solenoid, and even busted out the mega fogger and did a test with it (I love that thing). I kinda half decided I want to try again at building a fog chiller, this time something bigger and more powerful, hopefully something that can handle the mega fogger’s action. I love Halloween, and I think this new ceiling dropper prop (which was realized very quickly from the initial concept) is gonna be awesome.

Maybe none of you eagle-eyed grammarians noticed it yesterday, but I made a mistake in yesterday’s post. For some reason, I used the word “quaff” to refer to a person’s hair. At the time, the usage obviously sounded right to me – despite the fact that I know quite well that “quaff” means a/to drink. I think I was thinking of the word “coif,” which is also wrong (means a hat/skullcap). I realized I’d made the mistake about 10min into my dental cleaning Wednesday morning, and let me tell you – it was a trial of OCD-induced suffering to sit there just knowing people were reading my blog and likely noting the complete misuse of a word, knowing I wouldn’t be able to fix it for some time. I kept thinking about people going, “‘Quaff?’ C’mon Dave…” Horror. Anyway, I changed it to “mops,” which, I’m hopeful, is still an acceptable “colorful” term for hair. (Edit: In my defense, there is an archaic use of the word “coif” as a verb meaning to “muss with one’s hair.” So, I’m still off, but closer.)

And that’s it for tonight, that’s it.

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full of stuff today


Thursday, my head hurts. There’s some big fire somewhere out there in the part of the world within wind-reach of me, and it’s blanketed the lands as far as I can see with smoke. The smoke bothers me, even though I was only out in it briefly as I shuffled to work, lunch, and the like. Full of stuff today, and it’s a Friday so I’m super happy for the weekend. Let’s do this.

Sharaun always makes fun of me because when I’m around people with foreign accents, I tend to subconsciously appropriate their accents in my own speech. I always feel somewhat disgusted when she calls me out on it, since it seems to me to be some sort of “pandering.” In reality, I think I may have developed this ridiculous tactic as a part of my larger “making people comfortable” approach to gaining confidence. I’ve long been able to observe and simulate or respond to body language in order to give someone an unspoken message that we’re on the same page. I also consider myself pretty good at pegging a person’s personality and likes/dislikes quickly enough upon initial meeting so I can be sure to subtlety work within the confines of their comfort. I’ve never been a used car salesman, but I bet if I went on a reality TV show where it was my task to study under the tutelage of one of the best some of the first lessons he’d teach would involve honing techniques much like the ones I’ve already described. Small, seemingly insignificant verbal and non-verbal actions which serve to make a person comfortable, to ease their natural defenses and give them the impression that you’re a good guy – all based on reflecting little bits of themselves back to them. Because, after all, who’s everyones most trusted person? Themselves of course. The more you’re like someone, the more they relate to you.

So, now that I’ve admitted I use manipulative techniques to win friends and influence people, let’s get back to the point of this paragraph: my fake accents. I don’t know why I do it, and I usually don’t even realize when I’m doing it. It can range from a subtle Latino-tinge to full-on broken English approximations of my good buddies from Taiwan. So, if you ever hear me do this – call me out. Help me break this embarrassing habit. Thanks.

Even though I sit at a computer and type most of the day for a living, I still come home and type some more for pleasure. Usually though, I don’t like sitting at “the” computer, you know – the one in the back room with a big ol’ desk and CRT monitor and comfy office-type chair. No, no, that’s too much like my work environment. Kicking it with a laptop on the couch though, for some reason that’s different. Dunno why, but it is.

Went through the mail tonight, pretty much a bi-weekly (if that’s the incorrect term for “once every two weeks,” I’m sorry, I have a hard time deciding if it means that or twice per week) thing now. The “snail mail” is of almost zero value to me these days, it’s 90% advertisements and wasted paper and the actual “need” for it has been almost entirely eclipsed by e-mail and the internet. Who the heck needs paper these days anyway, I tell all my bills that will allow it to “stop sending paper statements” and go all-online. I don’t keep a check register, just check in online every few days to make sure things look right. It’s the new generation folks, better hip up.

Well, looks like the lid is juuust about blown off the whole Lonelygirl15 thing, all signs are currently pointing to it being a new form of Blair Witch derivative viral marketing – with most lines of thinking pointing to it being an advert for a Halloween-timed horror movie (perhaps even a mockumentary). With the whole registered trademark and cyber-sluething IPs to Beverly Hills talent agencies (not to mention a potential admission from “the creators”), it seems inevitable we’ll get the entire story here soon. Hey, it was fun while it lasted, and almost carried me through to the new season of Lost where I can once again assume my role as armchair detective. At least now I’ll quite writing about it, and spare you that small thing. (And damn, BoingBoing scooped me and once again made it look like I wrote this in response… I gotta start considering real-time posting if I wanna be hot on the shit.)

On the politics tip, I had a hearty guffaw reading this story over at the America Weakly website. America Weakly is a “satirical newspaper designed to give voters a glimpse into the future if Democrats take control of Congress this fall. Set in September of 2007, the newspaper reflects the condition of the America one year after a Democrat takeover of Congress.” In the story titled partly “Dems Celebrate End of Bush Security Measures,” the GOP Onion wannabe invents a hilarious fictitious statement from a House Democratic leader about the current administration’s NSA “wiretapping” goings-on:

“This program was a clear violation of due process,” House Judiciary Committee Chairman John Conyers said. “I don’t care how many attacks it might have stopped. Even if there really are sleeper cells in this country, we have a careful and deliberate process to stop them. Yes, it might take a bit longer, and we might not get every single bit of information, but that’s a small price to pay.”

Get more funny-’cause-it’s-freaky-not-because-it’s-funny Democratic-House endtimes GOP paranoia over at America Weakly. And, for some we-swear-it’s-not-pandering donkey goodness, head over to FaithfulDemocrats.com and count yourself shocked to see that it’s (purportedly) possible to hate guns and still love Jesus.

Goodnight.