Category: general

Where I put something when I’m too lazy to categorize it.

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leaving well enough alone


Getting started this morning at work was hard. I felt like an old car on a cold day, sputtering and wheezing my way to life… not quite firing in-time. My muscles still felt freshly tight and a little tender from my two Keaton-saddled mini-hikes over the weekend (baby + pack pushes ~30lbs), and I found myself enjoying the sensation – a physical reminder that I had successfully gotten up off my can and done something.

For a while, I feared it was a further worsening of my increasing disdain for work – but, I think my disdain remains relatively unchanged. I’m just tired of the whole business… and am ever more anxious for my two-month “respite” later this year. I can’t linger on the thoughts though, or else I’ll just get all bummed and it’ll effect the effort I put forth on the job. No, gotta soldier on and continue to perform. Man I wish I was back at that campsite, though. They really temp you with that “14 day maximum stay” sign on the way in – make me think about fourteen days spent camping, with occasional trips into town to re-stock… I think I’d actually love it.

Well, that was quite a schizophrenic paragraph.

Months ago, I decided my sneakers needed a good washing. I figured that, were I to wash them well, I could likely get quite a good bit more life out of them. Not that I’m averse to wearing dirty sneakers, I could care less actually, but I was feeling ambitious and figured I could clean them up and wear them as “new” again for a while. So, I pulled out the laces and set them in a little cup of diluted bleach to soak while I threw my sneakers into the washing machine. The shoes and laces both came out significantly cleaner, and I was pretty pleased. As I was relacing the shoes, I noticed that the little insole inserts had been jostled out of position during either the washing or the drying. I decided I’d yank them both out and try to reseat them properly. In retrospect, this decision is what ultimately decommissioned a perfectly good pair of shoes. I just cannot seem to get those inserts back in there right… they just don’t fit.

Since the washing, I’ve tried multiple times – and it just ain’t happening. After trying that morning prior to work for about 20min, I realized I had to leave and instead resorted to wearing the dingy pair of sneakers I’d retired one generation of footwear prior – I’m still wearing those today. Some mornings, as I reach for my current dingy backup sneakers, I look at my freshly-clean shoes sitting there unused and think, “I’ll try again this morning.” Today was one of those mornings. I got one shoe fit perfectly, but the other just wasn’t having it. Eventually, after another 15min of fighting with the thing – I gave up and again pulled out my backups. Looks like my backups are my defaults now… I shoulda left well enough alone.

Goodnight.

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sated, buzzed, and sweaty


A three-day weekend spent communing with nature. Three days with dirty feet and dusty skin, greasy hair and smelly clothes; three days spent sated, buzzed, and sweaty.

I had a great time… lounging in the sun, swimming in the river, drinking around the fire, and taking a couple small hikes (4mi and 3mi, respectively) as a family. Keaton enjoyed herself too, and was a great little camper. We arrived midday Friday and broke camp bright and early Monday morning, bellies full of that camping staple – breakfast burrito ala Coleman stove. We were home by 10am, car unpacked and cooler emptied by 11. The rest of the afternoon consisted of trawling for new holiday weekend leaks (some good stuff too, the new Architecture in Helsinki, the new Polyphonic Spree, and the new Paul McCartney), and an afternoon nap. All in all I came away better for it, my only injuries being somewhat sore legs from our short hikes and some painful little nicks on my fingers from trying to open a Newcastle with a rock.

The first harvest of my first foray into gardening is nigh. This weekend, I counted a whopping fifty-nine green tomatoes (several different varieties), at least a few of which are big enough that I figure they’ll be reddening up soon. My corn stalks are all averaging about 2ft-3ft tall and look healthy, and I would’ve had a nice handful of strawberries by now had the dang birds not carried every stinking one away just before they were pickin’-ripe. Of all the things I planted, only the peppers have fared poorly. They’re growing, but they’re just slow… still tiny and seemingly stalled out as seedlings – some have been completely destroyed by some sort of pest, chewed through at the base. I’ve decided I’m going to dig up their squares and plant pre-grown peppers instead – I’m cheating.

I’m seriously considering changing webhosts, StartLogic’s performance has been on a steady decline for about a year now – and I’m wondering if they’re just overburdened and can’t keep up with the business. If I do switch, there’ll likely be a spotty transition period while the domains transfer and I attempt to setup all my major subpages again (a little worried about having to restore my blog and gallery…). Anyway, I sent this note to my current host today:

Subject: Database-reliant pages continue to be EXTREMELY slow

Hi there,

This is the 3rd time I’ve mailed about slow performance on all my database-reliant pages, but the load-times continue to get worse. Lately, I get timeout errors more often than not – making my pages nearly unusable.
Is there some concrete answer you can give me about this? At your suggestion, I’ve done many things to try and alleviate the slowdown:

  • Reviewed all my code for efficiency in database calls
  • Randomized database calls from a pool of all available users
  • Removed any high-load code

If I can’t get some increased performance, or if the answer is “upgrade to a higher-price plan,” I’ll be honest and say I’ll likely defect to a more reliable host.

Hope you can help me out – thanks.

We’ll see what happens. Sorry for the geek-talk.

I think that’s enough for tonight. I did upload a bunch of new Keaton pictures from our weekend outing – but I’ve not put them in a public gallery yet as I want to wait for some images from other cameras that were on-the-scene to get ’em all in one batch. Goodnight folks.

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gold for the weekend


Sunday. Worked outside in the sun all day, building that barbecue over at Anthony’s. Today we took it from about halfway done to around two-thirds done. It looks good, you can even spot it for a barbecue now – before I could’ve seen mistaking it for some sort of shelving or rack or something. We have the grill and the raise/lower system left to build, and then make a rack to burn the wood on, a tray to catch ashes, and perhaps add some ventilation to the “pit” area. It’s maybe another two work-days of work and then we’ll slap on the high-temp paint and start slow-cooking tri-tip over oak. I’m really impressed with how it’s coming together, even if it will weigh 400lbs.

Anyway, sorry the blog’s been so slow lately… my host has really been sucking it up. In fact, I swear if this thing goes down again or continues to be this dang slow – I’m gonna look into moving. And, similarly, we’ll be camping next weekend. Finally, our first real trip of the summer. Right now, I’m planning on taking Friday off to head up there early and stake out enough campsites for the huge group we’re going with (need to claim the prime sites early for the busy weekend). In fact, today, I toyed with the idea of taking Thursday off too – just for the crap of it – to have a nice long five-day weekend. I can’t wait to get out in the boonies. I plan to sit in the sun and drink beer and throw frisbees and go in the river and take naps. Yeah, hurry up weekend, hurry up.

Has anyone else noticed the humongous web-presence explosion of 2008 presidential candidate Ron Paul? I mean, the frontpages of Digg and Reddit have been absolutely blowing up with stories on this guy. First, it was MSNBC’s “cheating” of Mr. Paul via it’s unofficial online “who won the debate” poll; then, it was Guliania’s chastising of him at the GOP debates – a move I bet ol’ Rudy now really regrets. Now, it seems, news pages and blog are just looking for a reason to write about him. I’d say, right now, it’s clear that Rep. Paul has has the internets “en fuego.” It’ll be interesting to see how the GOP machine ultimately responds to Paul if his popularity continues to rise, I’m betting more than a few card-carrying Reds would do a lot to keep him a long way from Pennsylvania Ave. Guess we’ll have to just stay tuned.

OK, I’m gonna be honest – I actually like the new Smashing Pumpkins single that leaked last week. Sure, it’s not exactly classic Pumpkins (the guitar is a little GnR/Prince-ish and loopy at times, but in a surprisingly good way). The more I listen to it, the more I like it – and it’s really raising my hopes for the album. Maybe it’s nostalgia, because I’m pretty sure I’d never pick up a song that sounded like this “off the shelf” and just like it… it’s carried in a big way by the name for me… but still, it’s not bad…

Goodnight.

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homecoming


Friday at last. Still some formatting issues I need to clear up with the blog’s new look, but haven’t had time. Mostly I want to change the recent comments styles, and some other sidebar issues in general. But, as I said, I’m happy enough to roll with it for now. Sharaun flexed her hospitality tonight and served a nice outdoor for friends. It was nice, and I really enjoyed it. In fact…

I’ve noticed something wonderful happening to me lately. Every day, as I get in my car to head home from the old sawmill, my attitude begins to turn. I mean, despite my day – its busyness, its stress and its tension, its race-the-clock mind-tangling multitasking – the thought of being imminently home turns my head right around.

Today, for instance, was mind-numbingly busy, and the work wasn’t easy… it required a lot of thinking, and by 5pm my brain was stretched and weary. I was frustrated, I was tired, and I was a little zombified. But, as I got into the car and thought about tossing Keaton around on the couch watching her smile and hearing her squeal… my cares started to fade. Who cares about work? Who cares about schedules and to-dos and responsibilities? You can take all that and poop it right out of your butthole, that’s what you can do.

My mind is almost always wandering. For me, my devoted attention is a rare thing. Usually, I only give this when I’m 1) in love with you (overtly or covertly), 2) drunk enough to be carefree, or 3) genuinely and intently interested in you and your story. I know this is a dickish trait, but it’s me. So, I’m almost always daydreaming, thinking, meandering, making up little imaginary scenarios, etc. So, sometimes, when I’m sitting there talking to you, I’ll hang my left arm over the side of the couch, or the back of the chair, or whatever. I’ll hang it just so, so that the bloodflow is cutoff high up near my armpit. I’ll watch my hand mottle and feel my fingers tingle as my circulation slows. I’ll look for the color to change under my fingernails, and my hand to feel thick and dumb. Then, I’ll imagine my left arm is numb because I’m having a heart attack. I’ll pretend to watch my life flash by my eyes, pretend to wonder why I didn’t go for more jogs, take more long walks, get a gym membership.

Man, you realize I linked to my 98th blog in this entry? This is my 1,310th. Don’t be so impressed, it’s not entirely sequential, and there are less posts (788, to be precise). Still, that was over 900 entries ago… and I like that.

Goodnight.

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let me out


Back when Sharaun and I were last in Oregon, we had been scheduled to participate in our greater neighborhood’s annual garage sale. We had both had been looking forward to it, not only because garage sales have some sort of kitschy fun associated with them, but because it would’ve been an opportunity to offload some of the old, yet still useful, junk we’ve been hoarding over the years. Well, as you likely guess from all the past-tense verbiage, we didn’t get to participate. We instead flew to Oregon and left our unused mathoms to collect more dust. This coming weekend, however, our friends neighborhood is doing the same thing – and we’ve signed up with them for a joint ticket. Meaning, this week we’ll pull down all that old stuff, put a nice spitshine on it, and move it for insane! Insane! Insane! low prices.

I’m excited, not at the prospect of turning a buck, but rather at the chance to get rid of so many cubic feet of material we’ve been housing. We’ve got stereo equipment, office furniture, CD shelves, vases, computer stuff, books, and all sorts of useful things which are simply rotting at our place – I’m hoping we can find good home for them. Otherwise, anything left unsold at the end of the day goes to Goodwill (the well-off person’s tax-deductible trip to the dump). Anyway, how much for an old office chair with boogers smeared on the bottom of the seat?

Every day before I go to work I check the garden. The little cages I erected over the strawberries are working, I’ve got plump red berries that haven’t been completely eaten away by birds. I look over each plant and try to judge if it’s grown noticeably from the last time I did so. The corn seems to the be changing the fastest, and I swear it puts on inches over a matter of days. I love being out there in the morning, with the cold air still clinging to the ground and dew covering everything. Sometimes I stay out there for up to five minutes, and wish I could just call in sick and climb into the hammock instead. You think everyone who’s only been at their career for seven years gets this itch? I mean, I’ve got like a hundred more years of work ahead of me and I’m already antsy for the next phase. Where are my millions? Where is my early retirement? Let me out.

I know it shouldn’t be, but I’ve been letting my anticipation build for the new Smashing Pumpkins album. Even though it’s not the original lineup, I’m excited by the increasing level of hype floating around the internet. I’ve gotta admit that I’m already quite prepared for a letdown, and in fact expect one given the steady decline of the Pumpkins work post Mellon Collie. But, I’ve always been a fan, and, against all my better judgments, am looking forward to the leak.

Goodnight.

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and there never was a hoss…


Sunday night of a busy, busy, busy weekend. As an update to my projects: Anthony and I got about halfway done with the Santa Maria style BBQ project. I welded for the first time and liked it. I also planted all but three of the thirty plants we bought. Both of those things involve a lot of bending and squatting and reaching, and my muscles are a tad miffed at me for it. The evenings were good too, and I think Sharaun enjoyed Mother’s Day. So all in all, was a good weekend. Even got to spend some time in the hammock with Keaton, thinking forward to our upcoming camping trip come the three-day weekend. Shaping up to be a good Summer.

I didn’t post as the days wound down last week, but I did write:

Thursday morning I stayed home from work. I decided to do this for several reasons: 1) I’m beginning to experience something of a burnout. Not necessarily from the labor aspect of work, more from the emotional aspect. Times are tense at the ol’ factory, with workers somewhat on-edge and atmospheres thick and stuffy. On top of this air of difficulty, they labor part of work is firing on all cylinders. Working hard, both mentally and emotionally, is tough – so I took what I feel is a deserved two-hour respite. 2) I wanted to find some time which Sharaun, Keaton and I could all get together and go get some landscaping plants for the backyard, as I talked about earlier this week. So, as the clock creeps up on 8:30am I sit here while Sharaun readies herself to go to the garden-shop. Sometimes, paying money for things like plants and dirt and rocks seems so stupid to me. I tell you what, you go back in time to the 1800s and tell someone they’d one day pay money for a pile of dirt… I bet they’d label you daft and ship you off to the sanitarium. Money for dirt, money for water… what’s next, money for air to breathe?

Believe it or not, I also took a breather from work on Friday… things still too “heavy” for me at the sawmill. Bad vibes in the air; people shooting people stinkeyes; dark clouds swirling overhead. I hope this week is an improvement, but let’s catch up now, shall we?

Today I dug a lot of dirt. Shortly after I started, I tossed aside my working gloves and resorted to my hands. I used that soft flesh to throw the breaker-bar into the ground, smashing rocks; used them to scrape the last bits of dirt and sharp shattered rock from the bottom of my holes; used them to push around poky mulch and uproot spiky weeds. At the end of the day, they even felt a little rougher than when I started. Sometimes I wish I had rough hands, it’s one of my irrational desires. I feel like, when people shake my hands, they’ll know me for the weakling all-day-typist I am instead of the hard-scrabble laborer I dream about.

Goodnight, sorry for the mixed-bag…

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at least this one thing


Wednesday night. I had Keaton tonight and we went downtown together. It was awesome. I love getting me-and-Keaton time. I don’t have much today, but I wanted to at least do this one thing.

Sometimes when I drive, I daydream about being in a car wreck. I often think about wrecking when on the phone with Sharaun, or vice versa when talking to her as she’s driving. There’s just this awful imaginary scenario in my head where I can hear, or Sharaun can hear, the sonic version of the crash. The screeching tires, shattering glass, screaming and crying and metal scraping. I don’t know, it’s like a scene from a movie in my head – holding the phone to my ear with my mouth agape. Calling out her name into the phone awaiting an answer. Ick.

Today at lunch, I started had to brake hard to react to slowing traffic. That got me thinking about experiencing an airbag deployment, which made me think about the sunglasses I was wearing and what would happen to them when an airbag smashed into my face. In my head, the cheap frames shattered and pierced my open eyes, leaving me completely blind but otherwise OK. Of course, that got me thinking about being blind – and how incredibly much I’d miss seeing Keaton’s little smiles. It almost brought tears to my eyes to try and imagine not being able to watch her change as she grows up, to just have her frozen in my head at fourteen months.

Good thing none of those things actually happened. Goodnight.