Author: Dave

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need more dirt

I talk about winter, check it out.
I didn’t write much about it yesterday, because I had to flush the blog buffer, but this weekend was kickass. I took Friday off to cut pavers for the porch, and got about 70% done with the major section, as well as cut all the bricks I’d need to do the sidewalk. On Saturday I formed up the sidewalk and filled it with decomposed granite – then did some eyeball leveling. Sunday it rained, but Erik came over and we worked anyway. Fine tuning the leveling and laying bricks, we completely finished the sidewalk and the rest of the non-cut porch. I have about three hours of cutting and the whole thing is done, 100%. I’m already at the point where I can bring in topsoil – which I’m planning to do this coming weekend. I just need to do the math and see how many yards I need. I want to get sod in before the rainy season really gets here – so that leaves me only a few weeks. It’s do-able.

Big things happening back behind the curtain here at sounds familiar. I’m nearly done migrating the whole blog over to a new system, the open-source b2 weblog system. Eventually, I’ll complete the migration – at which point the whole pharaohweb.com domain will be moving to a new server. If all goes well, the transition should be transparent to the outside world. Anyway, it’ll make it easier for me to write and edit my entries remotely, and the comments and search components will be better. The page will be laid out a bit differently, but it should look familiar enough. Also, the blog will have a different logo – and, t-shirts. Yeah, that’s right. I’m gonna make t-shirts, simply because I can. Even if I’m the only one wearing one, I’ll still think it’s cool. Anyway, that’s what’s coming soon in the blog department. This will be the first day I “double blog” on this site and the new one, in anticipation. Hold on for the switch sometime late this week.

It’s been raining the past couple days here, and getting colder too. With the gray skies and rain, it’s really sending me into a wintery mood – which I love. It’s coming up on my favorite time of year, the holiday trifecta, the cool of winter, the strange desire to be around family or go “back home,” and the perceived “slowing down” of things in general. At least, that’s how it is for me.

And, I have nothing more. Really, I suck. Dave out.

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the gyrating women of sabado gigante

Bible-stuff.
Went out to lunch the other day for Afghani food (no, not in celebration of the recent election in which the first person to vote was a nineteen year-old woman). I’d never had it before, and it sounded intriguing. That’s one of the things I like about California, it’s so much more diverse than Florida. Sharaun notices it more than I do though, she’s always amazed at how diverse her class makeups are. I know, it’s silly to call it “diverse” based on the cuisine choices – that’s just what kicked off the idea in my head. Well, I’m happy to say that the food at “Taste of Kabul” was yummy. Too bad my $10 lunch probably paid for some terrorist-camp recruit’s standard-issue pipe bomb, or maybe the poppy-seed startup costs for a budding opium venture. And that folks, is good sarcasm.

Anyway, I didn’t intend to write a paragraph about the restaurant and food, I wanted to write about the conversation. Had a really good conversation, covering the two most “taboo” topic you can think of: politics and religion. It’s awesome when you can have intelligent conversation with someone willing to be objective about things. I guess, to a psychologist, that’s probably the equivalent of saying “It’s nice when you can have a conversation with someone who has a similar opinion to yourself.” I mean, you’re naturally going to think of someone who more or less agrees with you on things as someone with their “head on straight,” or “in his right mind.” What’s intelligent and objective to one person could be ignorant and close-minded to the next, that’s the beauty of opinion I suppose. Anyway, it was a good conversation – and good spiced yogurt-covered dumplings too. Those Afghanis may be terrible at making peace, but they’re not too shabby at making lunch. Sarcasm, again, it’s good to close on a laugh.

Yeah, so, I did watch about half of the third debate the other night? it all seems like rehash now though. Kerry’s a liberal, Bush is bad, I get it. I wasn’t too impressed overall, I kind of just want it all to be over now. No more stupid misleading commercials, no more character-attacks, let’s just vote and be done with it. I was, however, disappointed in the way Kerry (and Edwards, for that matter) brought up Cheney’s lesbian daughter. I mean, how thin is that veil? Everyone knows you’re only mentioning his lesbian daughter because you want to make sure every knows he has a lesbian daughter, not for whatever false premise you’re supposedly talking about. “By the way America, and particularly you, Bible Belt: your incumbent republican VP has a Satan-loving lesbo of a daughter. Do you really want a vice-president who’s seed is so accursed by God that he can father such a moral abomination? I think not. Vote Kerry.” Stupid politics.

Ever since upgrading the TiVo to a ludicrous 140hrs of recording time, I decided to re-enable the “TiVo suggestions” feature. TiVo suggestions is a feature that lets the machine record shows it thinks you might like, presumably based on intelligence gathered from what you watch and what you already choose to record. I decided to enable it mostly as an experiment, y’know, to see how intelligent the thing really is. I thought it would be fun to see what kinda stuff it chose to record, perhaps it would even give me some insight into my own mind. But, alas, I think TiVo suggestions is mostly whack.

It’s been on a little over a week now, and man does it record some odd stuff. This morning I woke up and there were two episodes of some Spanish soap opera it had recorded off Univision. What? I mean, other than stopping on Univision for a minute or two while channel-surfing (gyrating women on Sabado Gigante pretty much stop you in your tracks), I’ve never watched a Spanish show in my life. It recorded two hours of infomercials – what in my viewing trends keyed in on that? It does, however, sometimes get it right – with things like I Love Lucy (it sees Andy Griffith and Leave it to Beaver), COPS (duh), Futurama and the Family Guy (probably based on the Simpsons and Aqua Teen “season passes” I have set). Of course, it’s skewed from purely “my” habits because Sharaun also watches TV. So the “suggested” list is rife with MTV “real life” shows and “making the video” and crap like that. Yup. Paragraph over.

Enough, Dave out.

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picking up stakes

Pack it up, pack it in...
Pulled off my other toenail last night, now Mt. Whitney has claimed them both. Hope you had fun Whitney, but my big toenails are a small price to pay in defeating you. You may have the toenails, but I bested you my friend – and I’d do it again even if the price was the same. If there is a “next time” though, you can bet I’ll get some better fitting shoes. Intro paragraph over.

Today I got a mail from my moms, and, like a bolt out of the blue, she dropped this bomb on me:

How do you feel about Christmas in Oregon with us?? Seriously! Dad has decided out of the blue that he’s ready to move – now. We have some movers coming today and tomorrow.

What?! My mom e-mailed me to tell me that they’re moving, to Oregon, like right now. I understand some people are impulsive, y’know, maybe get the sudden urge to take a day off or go for a walk or something; my parents get the urge to move out of state. So, looks like we’ll be headed to Oregon for Christmas this year – which actually kinda excites me. I like the idea of my folks in Oregon, I travel there a little bit for work – so there’s a chance I could see them when I’m up there on business trips. Plus, I really like Oregon, some great camping and outdoors stuff – would be nice to have a place to stay if I’m ever up there “frontiering” or something.

Guys, the witch has beaten me. Although she looks cool as all get out, she won’t be flying around my yard this Halloween. I admit, the project was ambitious. From an engineering perspective, there were quite a few hurdles to get over. Time ran out, plans failed, ideas dried up, ad enthusiasm waned with each little setback. So, for this year at least, she’ll be a static prop. Perhaps she’ll fly around next year, who knows. It saddens me, but I know when to cash out and walk away. Hopefully she’ll still be impressive as a static prop, with the right lighting and maybe some fog. Still wish she’d by flying and cackling though? bummer.

Today’s my Friday, as I’m taking a vacation day tomorrow to work on the porch. I hope I wake up motivated and ready to work. Too often I put on my work-clothes and head out to he backyard with the best of intentions, only to mostly stand around and beam with pride at the work I’ve already done. I have a real problem with that. The closer to completing a project I am, the more time I spend stepping back and admiring how it’s coming together. It gets so bad sometimes I end up in a “do one thing, then look at it” loop, which takes 2x as long as actually working. Usually, for me to knuckle under and do non-stop work with no “admiration breaks,” I need someone helping me to motivate me – or just to be in that rare work-only mood. I’m hoping that happens tomorrow, but that remains to be seen.

Here’s an interesting commentary from Dwight D. Eisenhower’s son, a good read. And, for the other side of the crowd, here’s another article I found interesting, although perhaps a tad paranoid (but remember, I read it through my liberal-tinted glasses). Enjoy.

A short one today, but I don’t care. Dave out.

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commercial tendancies

No idea.
As a “blogger,” I think I’m supposed to have a huge list of other blogs I read frequently. I didn’t read this anywhere or anything, it’s just something I’ve noticed about other “blog” sites on the internet. They all have links to another ten or fifteen blogs, and they all cross-link and refer to each other. Not me, I don’t read any blogs. I wonder if that makes me some kinda blog-snob elitist or something? All I do is write and post, and then do it again the next day. Anyway, your blog sucks.

Whatever the impetus is, I’m in that state of writing again where I end up with pages and pages of backlogged, pre-written stuff. I have a Word doc filled with blocks of three and four paragraphs on certain subjects, and on any given day I cobble them together to make an entry. I actually like being in that situation, because I can essentially “take a day off” from writing, not that I don’t enjoy it. I mean, I love writing, or else I wouldn’t have this stupid website, but it is kinda nice to be able to just press “upload” and not have to think up new ideas. Thing is, when stuff keeps happening, I feel compelled to write about it – and then it becomes the entries, leaving the backlogged stuff to go stale. Maybe this week I’ll just work on “cleaning house.”

I’ve talked about daytime TV commercials before, but last Friday I was at home for lunch and I decided to try take it one step further. Usually when I go home for lunch, I check the TiVo and see if there’s something worthwhile watching while I eat my sandwich. Finding nothing this time, however, I decided to go with the default back-to-back hour of COPS that runs simultaneously on Fox and FX. Usually, if you time it right, you can pretty much avoid commercials by switching back and forth between the episodes. This time, however, the commercials were actually what I was interested in. I decided to document the contents of each commercial break during an hour of COPS on daytime TV, noon-to-one, what I would assume is the equivalent of prime-time for the daytime audience. Here’s what I found:

Aladdin Bail Bonds
NFL Sunday on Fox promo ad
Personal injury attorney
Get a degree in criminal justice (stick with what you know?)
Cheap auto insurance (as low as $29 a month!)
Check ‘n’ Go (paycheck loans, not a scam at all)

Valtrex (genital herpes drug)
Gun show at the local expo this weekend (with a banjo music soundtrack)
1-800-DENTIST (“… good dental health may change your life! Maybe get a better job or even an exciting new relationship!”)
Quick & easy auto financing (even with bad credit!)
Public Service Announcement (eat 5-9 servings of colorful fruits and vegetables a day, because X% of the state’s population is overweight)
Cost-U-Less auto insurance

Kentucky Fried Chicken (extra-crispy meal deal, now with a half-gallon Pepsi “mega-jug”)
entucky Fried Chicken (new chicken breast salads)
Carmax (sell your car)
Carmax (buy a car)
Heald College (be a dental assistant)
Kaiser-Permanente affordable healthcare

X-Men video game
Advil Liqui-gels
ITT Technical Institute
Diabetes testing supplies by mail (I think it was the Quaker Oats guy, on horseback, in a canyon)

Hmm… you think that commercial lineup is in any way indicative of what the station sees as their target 12pm-1pm audience? I think, from the information above, we can do some detective work and construct a pretty good idea of the type of person Fox thinks is likely watching COPS during lunch. From my analysis, their target demo contains overweight, uneducated, out of work (probably due to injury), oft-arrested, herpes- and diabetes-afflicted, destitute yet money-lusting folks with poor credit and no insurance.

Did you guys know that Costco sells coffins? Kinda weird, right? Dave out.

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moving earth

Yeah, huh? What?
I kinda glossed over the events of this weekend in yesterday’s entry, mostly because I had the 80s cover-band bit pre-written and just wanted to push “go” and be done with it. The weekend was extremely productive though. Once upon a time, I had promised myself I would have the backyard done in time for our annual Halloween party, but with other projects getting in the way and a trip to Taiwan that blew the head of steam I was working on before – I lost the drive and stopped working. This weekend, however, Erik came over and helped me work a bit – devising a practical system for large-scale leveling the base material for the paver stones. After we got a large swath leveled, it was as easy as bringing back pavers as fast as the we could fill the wheelbarrow and place them.

We got about 95% of the porch form paved, and now it’s all about “cutting in” the curved edges. I’m borrowing a buddy’s rock-saw this week and taking Friday off to get the job done. In addition, I ordered some more decomposed granite to make the base material for the sidewalk leading around the house to the gate. It gets delivered tomorrow, so I’m going to try and form up the sidewalk tonight in preparation. Once I get the sidewalk formed, filled with DG, and leveled, I can bring the remainder of the bricks back and compete as much as possible before having to cut bricks to fit edges. I figure, with a little sweat, I can have the porch done and cut in by the end of this weekend. Then one day to prep the dirt for topsoil (killing weeds, picking up too-big rocks, etc.), a day to bring in said topsoil, and then a full day to lay sod and cut sprinklers to height. That means, if all goes well, after this weekend I only have about three more days work before I can have a backyard complete with grass. That also means that, if the bank account permits, my original pre-Halloween target completion date is totally achievable.

I know the subject of “working on my backyard” isn’t the most exciting thing I could write about, but when the words keep coming that tells me I’ve picked the right subject. Every time I’m out there busting my ass working, I’m thinking how I can’t wait for the epic project to finally be done. I mean, it’s going to be a huge source of pride for me. It’s all my hand, all my work, sweat and muscle. The whole thing: landscaping, retaining wall, earth-moving, irrigation, grass, pavestone porch and sidewalk, and the plan as a whole – it was all me. I mean, I did get some help along the way from some friends – but for the most part I worked alone.. after work, on weekends, whenever. And to tell the truth, the more I see it coming together, the more I think it’s really going to look good. Impressive even. When it’s finally done-done (plants, some benches, etc.), I’m going to hold a freakin’ party. A “good lord the yard’s done” party, so everyone can relish in my accomplishments.

When we bought our house, it came pre-wired for an alarm system. However, early on we decided that we didn’t want to pay $30 a month for a monitored system. I mean, we have insurance, right? We already pay them in case our stuff gets stolen, and whatever they do steal, we could just buy again, right? Anyway, while I was installing our new blinds this past weekend, I noticed the pre-installed magnetic contacts on all the windows, and that got me thinking. Wouldn’t it be cool to just have an unmonitored system that would notify me when one of my windows/doors was opened? All I’d want is something that would call on my cellphone if someone was in my house when they weren’t supposed to be. Lo and behold, they sell a gadget that does just that. And, since all my doors and windows are pre-wired, all I’d have to do is buy it and hook it up.

So I’ve been toying with the idea of a do-it-yourself security system It would ring my cellphone if a window/door was opened when we’re gone, or if any of the smoke detectors are tripped (it can also sound real alarm, if you want). Plenty of companies sell “packages” that include the dialer, control panel, wireless keypads to arm/disarm the alarm, and even additional motion detectors for indoor/outdoor. So for $200, I can have a system call me, or Sharaun, or anyone (four numbers in succession if it doesn’t get someone) if our house is getting burgled. Haven’t decided yet, I’m still unsure if I really want this because I want some kinda security system, or because it sounds like a fun electronics project. Man, I really am addicted to projects.

In fact, right now I have a backlog of projects. The foremost being the backyard and the Halloween display. But also on the list is: painting some rooms in the house, replacing the exhuast manifolds in the truck, replacing the seats in the truck, the center console, cleaning the truck… yeah… the truck has turned into a “work vehicle” over the duration of the backyard project. I have to fix up the front yard, mulch, weedblock, plants, etc.

Sometimes I get torn when I write entries like this one, which are, admitedly, boring – being only accounts of “what I did,” and “how I felt.” Torn between writing like this and writing something topic-based or funny. I guess it’s all really luck of the draw though, because often when I sit down – on or the other seems to come out. My current stance is, it it’s writing itself – it must be what I want to write about. The ones that are forced are the ones that suck. So if I can write three or four or five paragraphs about working on the backyard, and how it makes me feel… whatever.

Changing the subject, I just found out that my work has “identified” me as a person who’d benefit from on-site university courses in the Chinese language. I’ve been enrolled in a one-month class that will teach us “the basic constructs of conversational and business relationship Chinese.” It’s four hours every Friday, and an hour on Tuesdays, for one month. I’m actually extremely excited about this. Not only does it count for college credit (why I care about this, I don’t know), but it’s free and should be really interesting. My only hope is that it’s a quality class where I can really learn something, as I’d love to be able to interact better with the customers in Taiwan.

Well, I’m off to fool around online some more… I’ve been working on the t-shirt store a buddy of mine and I have been trying to start for a while. I think I have a much better solution than the previous way I was approaching things…

Dave out.

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i hate 80s cover bands

1980s, see how I tie it all together visually?
One more weekend down, I say that like it’s a countdown to something, but not really. Spent Saturday shirking my duties in the backyard and watching football. Sunday we woke up early and went down to set up Sharaun’s classroom, and spent the rest of the day working on the porch in the backyard. Erik came over and we eventually found a rhythm and reached a pace that saw us nearly finishing the thing in one day. I’d say it’s about 95% done, and I’m toying with the idea of taking Friday off to cut in the curves. I gotta say, it’s completely exciting to see this, one of the final large-scale projects, coming together. I absolutely can’t wait until it’s done.

Oh guys, at the risk of perpetuating my image as a crotchety old hermit, I’m now going to make fun of a popular social activity with members of my age group. By doing this, I will surely come off even more curmudgeonly and anti-social than I am now perceived to be.

I’m gonna come right out and say it: I hate 80s cover-bands. Yes, I know, these bands continually play to packed houses and provide 110% pure energy and fun; I still hate ’em. In the area here, there are four or five of these outfits that are really popular, and between them all and their non-stop gigging – you’re pretty much guaranteed to be able to see one of them each night in any given weekend. And, because I’m a member of their target audience, I’ve found myself being drug to a couple of these shows. I’m pretty sure all these bands are really the same band, with some master evil plot to play as many shows as possible – drawing huge crowds of Gen-Xers and, without their knowledge, lulling them into old-age. That’s right – it’s the hidden agenda of what I like to call the 80s cover-band “axis of evil.” Bring in the crowds in their late-twenties, mix them with those in their mid-thirties and early-forties, and use the hypnotic uniting power of Jackson 5 and Bon Jovi covers played in Day-Glo outfits and foot-tall afro wigs to “suck the young” out of ’em all. Do not be fooled… read the truth below…

Sometimes these demons will even mix in a refrain or two of some currently popular song, something by Nelly or J-Lo perhaps, in an attempt to fool the borderline-geriatric into thinking they are listening to something that’s actually “hip.” “Hey! I heard my daughter/niece/cousin singing this song last week! I’m totally relevant right now! If they only knew how cool Uncle Dave really is!” Wrong Uncle Dave! You are a victim, unwittingly being led further and further away from pop-culture relevancy by the comealong tunes of the Pied Pipers of oldness. You think you’re cool? You’re having fun, but try to remember yourself ten years ago, then put your current self, at this show, in a fishbowl and let the you of ten years ago look in for a few minutes. You hear your younger self peeing his pants as he laughs uncontrollably at you? Hear he and his friends snickering and pointing as you sip a beer and bob your head to five white guys playing Marcia Griffiths’ “Electric Slide?” Congratulations, you’re arrived – you’re now completely lost. You’re an adult, you can’t relate, the line has been drawn and there’s no going back – you go to 80s cover-band shows.

I know, I know, I’m just not fun at all. If I just try and “get into it,” I’ll really enjoy it. “Get into it,” eh? Know what “getting into it” is? It’s turning off your “young” people! It’s choosing vanilla, it’s dousing yourself in the same cologne your wore in middle school and hanging out with drunk thirty- and forty-year olds making the best of what scraps they have left… clutching at the last thing they remember being fun and cool. It’s succumbing to male-pattern baldness and choosing the familiar and comfortable, it’s the death of your inner-child. It starts with going to 80s shows, and progresses to yelling at kids to stay off your grass and waking up at 5am on Saturday to hit the “early-bird” specials. Think of the long-term repercussions friends, every concert brings you closer to a news-watching, PTA meeting-going, ad-dult. Much like the little gremlin that tried to suck the soul out of a young Drew Barrymore’s nose in Cats Eye, these bands are busy sucking the collective cool out of their fanbase. Be afraid.

And, of course, the follow-up: I know it’s not quite as bad as all that, but, as with everything, it’s much funnier when exaggerated. I’m sure there are some deeper psychological reasons behind my fear and dislike of these shows, but I don’t want to speculate. People don’t understand why I don’t enjoy it, I mean, “everyone else” does! Well, in Germany in the 1940s “everyone” liked Hitler too, did that make him good? (Oh man, it’s official, I’ve turned into my dad. That Hitler comment, that’s 100% my dad, I can even hear him saying it.) Anyway, more than enough on this, I think you get the picture.

Time for bed, Dave out.

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In my head, I’m a master of psychology

Your name is Jonas.
You don’t know me. You know nothing about me, OK? So stop tryin’ to perpetrate like you be all knowin’ what I’m about, because you ain’t know nothin’ about what I’m about. Don’t make me cross this stage!

Last night I finally pulled off my toenail. It’s been since August when we hiked Whitney and I ruined both my big toes with ill-fitting shoes and a lengthy downhill trek. The left toe remains a deep shade of purple-black, while the right toe finally gave up last week and has been hanging on ever since. Last night I decided it was go-time, and yanked that thing out. Now I have some freaky looking inverse-toenail thing where it used to be, just the outline of the nail with skin inside it. To be honest, I hope that mofo never comes back – it was always ingrown and crappy anyway since it fell of the 1st time, when I dropped a shelf on it in high school. Stupid toe. Now I guess I just wait until the left one comes off.

Sometimes, when I have something important, heady, or possibly upsetting to say to someone – I’ll broach the subject in a manor that I like to refer to as “choose your own adventure” conversation. It’s a technique that I’ve perfected over the years, by which I slip a very important or serious comment into a conversation right alongside a joke or other offhand comment. My idea behind this is simple, the person I’m directing the meaningful comment at (perhaps a personal question or a pointing out something I’m leery to point out) now has full control of the situation. At their discretion, they can choose to either acknowledge my serious comment, or simply laugh at the joke / pick up whatever throwaway story I padded it with. If they choose to go with the smokescreen comment, they’re telling me we’re not going to talk about the serious issue – and I’ve managed to avoid a possibly uncomfortable situation by bringing it up and forcing a conversation. On the other hand, if they choose to talk about the “real” comment – it makes me seem less “outright” in bringing it up, since maybe they’re not really sure if it meant all that much to me, owing to the way I slipped it in kinda inconspicuously. In my head, I’m a master of psychology.

It’s over, it’s Friday. Gimme a beer, Dave out.