Author: Dave

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ghost writing


For today, something different. A random selection of entries from my highschool/college “blog.” It was a lot like this place, ‘cept I called it a “journal” instead of a “blog,” it wasn’t for public consumption and accordingly not dressed up as much, and the writing is terribly juvenile (I know, I’ll be similarly ashamed of this tripe later in life). Anyway, here follows some entries, dated for easy reference, cut verbatim from the first organized canon of writing I have (I have scraps and notebooks back to ~’93). Cue smoke and those tinkling bell things.

8/23/95

So much for writing frequently. Jeremy lives with me now, has for a while too. I love having him here, it’s great. I’ve seen some great friends leave lately. And it’s always that handshake and the “good luck man” that gets me in the end. Mikey left, Bostrom left, Danny left, Rob leaves soon, Keli and Robin left. Just me Niz and Sharaun left here, owell that’ll do for now I suppose. Sharaun says I don’t act the same as I did two years ago when we first started going out, well, that was two years ago and all. I dunno, I just can’t figure out how to feel. I would miss her if I lost her, I know that. But if I did lose her I could gain friends again, whatever. Hate thinking about that. I’m ordering a bunch of Beatles bootleg cd’s from Germany, I sent some guy I never met a check for $200, pretty smart huh? All I can say is that I hope I get some music. Niz and I went to the Bahamas, man what a blast. I especially like Natalie, she’s a great girl to talk to. Don’t get me wrong, I still love Sharaun. Well, don’t feel like writing much more today, talk later perhaps.

11/15/95

Sharaun told me today that she basically wanted to sever all contact with me, I guess since people have been telling me that’s what I’ve needed – then I should be happy. Owell, we had a good two years and I’ll have lots of memories to tell my grandchildren. I was under the mistaken impression that our friendship meant something to her, yeah right. I have been experimenting with my voice and the computer and recorded one of my poems from above and some backwards speech that I thought might be interesting in the future, I plan to fill up and entire tape with odds like that eventually. I mailed the letter and tape I made to Kyle today, pretty neat sending something to an Air Force Base to one of your ex-best friends who still really figures in your life. Jeremy is working, but he should be home soon. It is very cold tonight in Florida, and I don’t have any clovers to enjoy with the cold, maybe I’ll borrow a Pote. Vanilla Fudge is an excellent band ya know? They have great songs and stuff.

2/18/96

I always write in this thing like I am writing to someone, I guess I kinda sit here and imagine some future person reading it. Kinda like someone will one day be interested in what I was thinking while I was growing up or something. Anyway, if I get down to it – I doubt anyone will ever read this, and if I do save it on disk, I’m sure by the time I’m old and someone wants to look at it all for posterity sake, this disk will be so outdated and unusable they’ll probably just throw it away instead of going to the trouble of finding and old Packard Bell that has Microsoft Works on it. Anyway – I will not let those thoughts daunt me – I will continue to write as if someone is reading this, or will be reading it. I makes no sense to write it thinking I’m just writing – that’s retarded. So, hereafter this and afore it all – these paragraphs, lyrics, poems, muses, commentaries and thoughts are laid bare before you to interest, disgust, inform, enlighten, reform, influence and delight you. Hopefully you’ll respect them, if for nothing else but for the fact that my thoughts are recorded here and that no matter how meaningless they are to you – they are my thoughts, and I guess man is lonely without his thoughts. But then again, loneliness is nothing anyway.

6/3/96

Early in the morning and I just woke up. Don’t have to be at work till 5. I have The Breeders “Divine Hammer” on the set – making me smile. Kyle came back for graduation and his mom’s wedding. I went to graduation, and had a good time. Kyle, Andy, Drew, Joey, and I have been doing a lot together. We had Chris’ B-day party over at Rob’s, his parents are in the Bahamas. I’ve been there.

And with his best serious-face in place, he lied to her out loud and in the middle of a crowd. They embraced and he felt so cheap, but she was happy and he got to go on feeling good about himself. “For some reason,” he thought, “They just don’t comprehend as much as we do. It’s so easy, it’s almost a shame.” But then he messed up, and it all got out. And he was tarnished. For some reason, no matter how much better they are, they always seem to mess up.

This thing is now 30 pages long. And this month will mark its first full year. With entries for almost every one of the past twelve months (save one or two) it makes a nice companion to remember my thoughts and feelings.

12/4/97

Woke up late today and had to rush out to class. Only come to find out that we have some quiz that I didn’t even know about. Needless to say, I didn’t do very well. This Physics class is really bringing me down – I just can’t get it. I just pray that I get at least a C in there so I don’t have to take the whole Godforsaken class over again next semester, that could screw everything up.

I am going home tomorrow again to work for Frank the funnel cake man. Wheee! I love work in the food business. Owell, it’s $100 and boy do I need it. I wish I could win the lottery, I’d keep going to school for the education sake of it, but I wouldn’t be as pressured. My finances would be set for life, no more worry. The whole money thing really sucks. I mean, I know there’s no other way to do it. You have to have some sort of economy, but I don’t understand how it works. How can our money be backed by gold, why is gold so special anyway? What makes it so valuable. I guess it’s the same unknown force that can make some words “bad.” Arbitrary choice is what I call it. Okay, maybe the scarcity of gold plays a role, but still – who cares. Dinosaur eggs are pretty rare too – why not back our money with those?

I mean, whose to say that this money is actually worth something? It’s all just paper. If someone who had no concept of money was offered a $500 bill, they’d say “What do I want with paper?” “But, it’s backed up with valuable gold sir.” “What’s gold, I don’t care, give me food or shelter or love, something I can really use you know? What do I want with a shiny metal or green paper, they won’t sustain my life.” Ahhh, but without them you can’t get shelter or food. That’s the catch.

So, I can understand the need for money and economy – I just wish it didn’t govern my life so much. I mean, why am I really in college right now? Because I have a passion for learning and love to go to school, not really – although I do like to learn. But the reality is that I am in college because I need a degree to get a job, I need a job to get money, which I need to live. I guess it’s a valid argument to say that you really don’t need money to live, you can always live without money, there’s plenty of ways. But those are the ways of a man in the mountains who traps and makes all his own food, has no electricity, and lives like a pioneer.

Maybe that’s why I am drawn to that lifestyle, not the full-on pioneer life, but a happy mix of mine and theirs. You know, a mountain cabin, but with electricity so I can have lights, television, and computer. Just enough amenities to live comfortably. I wish that I could just be retired but not old. Have some money to live off of that I never worked for. Man, the lottery would be great. Almost time to head back to school.

6/22/00

It’s a Thursday. Summer A is over tomorrow. However, I am done already. Not just done with this semester, but done with it all. 23 years old and finally out of school. I can’t believe it’s really over. I haven’t really figured it all out yet, so much will be happening to me in the next month, I still haven’t been able to grasp it all. All I know is that I am ready. Ready to take on whatever it all turns out to be. In fact, I want it to get here even quicker than it has been. I am leaving Gainesville on Saturday, leaving for good – save the one day we come to pick up our goods and pack the truck for California. Three years in this town and at this school, I finally made it. A graduate, a working class American husband, living in the California foothills.

Goodnight.

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what was in my yard


Before work this morning, as is my routine in these pre-Halloween weeks, I went outside to take the props off of “night” mode (which is a no-motor, high-light mode aimed at theft deterrent). Upon opening the door and stepping onto the porch this morning, however, I was shocked to see something foreign amongst the foam tombstones marking faux plots on my lawn.

My shocked sucking of breath made one of those airy whistling sounds as I instantly began shaking my head and exclaimed, “Oh… oh my God.” Sharaun, in the kitchen stirring the milk and Splenda into her first cup of morning coffee, must’ve heard me and immediately assumed we had once again been victims of Halloween thieves. “What now!?,” she bellowed from the kitchen, with just a hint of exasperation in her voice; after all, being robbed twice would tend to get a fella down. “You’ve got to come out here now,” I say, punctuating the sentence with giggles. Noting from my tone that this was likely no common robbery, she started towards the door. “Get the camera,” I requested, as I moved in for a closer look.

Once I realized what it was, staked there into my yard and towering above me by a good two feet, I immediately knew who’d done it. I left the thing up long enough only to appreciate its humor and take a couple pictures, then I immediately removed the installation and promptly took it inside. I told Sharaun to call my prime suspects, and in short order the whole thing was admitted. With the culprits outed, I arrived at work and was urged to check my pharaohweb.com e-mail. I did, and found a cryptic mail with a ZIP archive of pictures. And, if you follow the link below, you’ll be able to experience this whole thing much as I did – and you’ll understand exactly what I’m on about.

Click here to see what I found in my yard.

Top work, lads and ladies. I applaud you and am flattered by the effort.

Goodnight.

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q&a


Tuesday night, but tomorrow is my Friday – as Ben’s wedding sees me taking both Thursday and Friday off to do my groomsmenly duties. Can’t wait, should be awesome fun and drunk-relaxing to boot.

You know, a few months ago when I finally decided to add my e-mail address to the sidebar of sounds familiar, I wondered at first if anyone even noticed. Then, the mails trickled in. They were simple at first, although I got the occasional nugget. Over time though, I feel I’ve collected enough of these gems to assemble a choice little review. So, here we go friends, a rundown of what I feel are some of the best e-mails I’ve got as a result of my blog entries:


Did this really happen? (written in response to my poop entry)

Why yes, it really did. My old college roommate at the time even confirmed it here. I assure you that I really did spend an afternoon cleaning feces off the floor, wall, and ceiling.

i like to be gay with u, and in some of ur blogs u sound like u might b ok with it?

Sure! You’ve keenly picked up on the obvious homosexual undercurrents in my writing. Let’s meet sometime in real life and see if we get along. Maybe then, and only if you’re cute, can you be gay with me. I want to make it clear that, while I’m not 100% gay, e-mailing me random propositions is probably the best way to increase your odds.

Chinese people make me nervous, they always look like they will rob you. How can you relax there? (written in response, I think, to my entries on trips to Asia)

Well, you’re right – Asian people certainly do come across all back-alley thug, don’t they?. But, you have to work through it if you want to really connect on a global scale. Look, I’ve been to Taiwan like, ten times, or something – and I’ve only been stabbed twice (and one of those was with a chopstick, so that doesn’t even really count). Plus if you’re able to conquer your fears, the Asian tail is saweeeet.

Your daughter and wife are beautiful, but your fat and your hair is thin.

You have keen powers of perception, dear reader. I am indeed a bit oafish, and a good bit of my hair has gone the way of the dodo. I also agree heartily that my wife and daughter are some of God’s finest creations. However, I have a very logical explanation for it all: Panties shake loose in fits of laughter around me.

I can’t believe you think that fukken album is good, you must have retardness of the brain and cancer of the ear and a permanent shittaste in your mouth from all the shit you listen to. You are a dick idoit bitch. (written in response to this entry)

Whoa, padner… slooow your roll here. What gives you the right to criticize my taste in music?! I have a blog, you idiot, and that makes me an expert on whatever I deem myself an expert of. I won’t let your negativity impact my genius, I just won’t.

I think I also have this allergy. Did you ever feel itchy in the shower after football? (written in response to this entry)

Football? Shower?

do u go to mihs? i think i am who blew u in the field. (written in response to this entry)

Wow, where to start on this one – this is probably my favorite one to date. First off, no, I didn’t go to “MIHS.” Second, I’m preeety sure you’re not the girl I was, uhhh, writing about. Your first clue should have been the fact that you seem to be writing about events which transpired relatively recently, while I, on the other hand, am writing about something which happened in my storied past. Wow.

You could do this much easier with real robots. (written in response to this entry)

“Real” robots? Now why didn’t I think of that?

Brilliant! I showed this 2 my youth group that my stopid mom makes me go 2!! (written in response to this entry)

Just what I need on St. Peter’s roll when I show up, spreading heresy to impressionable kids. Seriously though, don’t take anything you read on the internet as gospel. In fact, don’t even take the gospel as gospel – question everything and you’ll be better for it.

Lately, my el-cheapo Pioneer receiver has started to tick me off. Thing is, I don’t even do anything with it. I don’t have a CD player hooked up anymore, it’s up in a box in the garage with my record player. I simply don’t listen to anything at home that’s not the free XM feeds that come with DirecTV, piped off the iPod, or playing from my hard drive – no need for all that media (in fact, all my already ripped CDs went into bins and subsequently into the rafters in this past weekend’s organization fit). Anyway, for some reason the damn thing has taken to enabling only the right speaker more often than not. Oh, the other speakers are still functional, the test tone confirms this, but they just don’t work. I fear an internal circuit inside the budget box has gone lame. Certainly not an insurmountable problem, but the whole thing just makes me think I’m being told it’s time to upgrade the whole A/V solution… plus stupid Pat keeps talking about the falling prices of flatscreens…

Well, that was nice. As for the rest of the week, I think I’ve got something creative planned for Thursday and Friday’s posts – if it works. For more good stuff today, pop over and read this piece – it’s a good one.

Goodnight.

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whither hast thou gone?


Another Monday and I’m just sitting here downloading some music.

Wow, wrote those words and passed out snoring for 30min, some kind of magic dust has settled over me and I simply lost consciousness for a bit. No problem, dinner was Sharaun’s fantastic potato chowder (one of my favorite meals of all-time), and cleanup is a snap, and I’ve got the writing itch tonight – so I should be able to make up for the unexpected slumber.

This morning on the way to work, I saw a high-school couple waiting to cross the street. The young buck had has arm flung around his quarry, making a public display of their union. Seeing them fondle and peck at each other as they waited to cross reminded me of my own high school relationships. Rushing to pre-appointed spots in the scant 5min between classes to touch tongues. High school in Florida was hot, so midday between-class kisses were underscored with a heady scent that was combination of morning soap, teenage perfume, and summer sweat. To a boy of fifteen, those minute-long makeout breaks were something to be looked forward to – as well as a public flaunting of virility for all to see: that guy is workin’ it. Looking back now, those unbridled hormones and PDA seem “gross” and inappropriate – but thankfully youth blinds one to such social stigmas and leaves you free to grope and groan before the world without shame. Ahhh… youth… you fickle bitch, whither hast thou gone?

If I won the lottery, one of the amenities I would allow myself would be clothing myself exclusively in hand-tailored clothes. Nothing fancy, mind you, but tailored specifically to me nonetheless. I hate the way most clothes fit me, and, yes, I realize I can change this with a diet and exercise regime – but tailored clothes just seem so much more regal. I could stop my jeans from binding up near the top of my thighs when I walk, get shirts that don’t pull to one side leaving one sleeve sitting further up my arm than the other, put pockets where I want them for what I need them, and maybe get a suitjacket that isn’t more like a straightjacket in the shoulders. I think I have this thought every year upon the return of jean season, I hate 90% of the long pants I have – and the three pair I enjoy are about worn out. Curses.

I toy all the time with changing my WordPress theme, updating it to the newer more modular-type themes that more recent versions of WP use. Mine is lovingly hand-crafted (read: spaghetti-code CSS) and built on the old legacy style theme templates. Sometimes I just browse through themes seeing if there’s anything that I could see myself simply going hard-over to, but I never find anything as simple or clean as what you currently see. Besides, I’ve kind of grown fond of the boxy greenness, despite its shortcomings. So, for now, I’ll leave it. Who knows, as the years continue to go by and if I continue to write through them, I’ll likely be forced to update and move along. But until then, Sounds Familiar finna keep it real.

Goodnight my friends.

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mostly pictures


Sunday I decided to organize the garage, partly because the house was in such disarray that I wanted to clean something. We had some folks over Saturday for football, Halloween prop-building, and smoked pork butt. Borrowed Pat’s homemade smoker, woke up at quarter to four to take the meat from it’s brine, dry-rub it, and put it in. So, Sunday morning found the house a little untidy – hence my OCD urge to clean and organize. Managed to make some more room by shifting things around and moving stuff up into the rafters. I’ve written before about how better utilizing the space we have makes me feel good, and today was no exception.

Not gonna write much today, don’t have much to say. Basically, I’ll just point you over to Keaton’s gallery – which has been updated with her week thirty-one pictures. I also added back the ability to comment, although with a little captcha style confirmation code. So, comment away again please.

Goodnight lovers.

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halloween 2006: ceiling dropper


Note: This entry is part of my Halloween Projects category. You can see all of my posts documenting my projects by clicking the “Halloween Projects category” link above. You’ll also find images and movies of the projects and their construction in my Halloween Gallery, which can be accessed by links in these posts or directly here.

This year, when the UPS man delivered my PicoBoo. As I opened the package and started feeling my way around the small device, I suddenly realized that this thing has much more potential that activating my wolf prop, which can essentially be a “static loop” prop and require no activation. So, my mind started racing – thinking about a new prop… something complex enough to be worthy of PicoBoo-timed activation and sound, yet something simple enough to not break the Halloween bank. The idea came to me while I was sitting at my desk at work, I call it the Ceiling Dropper. Here’s the gist:

Concept:

In the entryway to my house, right before the door itself, I have two columns which attach to the roof. Immediately outside the door, the ceiling itself is recessed, but that recess is hidden when viewing the facade of the house while walking up. My idea involved “springing” something down from this recess as unsuspecting visitors approach the house. Imagine the mechanism as an upside-down version of last year’s coffin popper: a simple hinged torso which “pops” down from a hidden ceiling recess as a trick-or-treater approaches. Of course, the actual dropping would be accompanied by lights and sound for maximum scare effect. The whole drop-down/retract action will be accomplished with air power and a simple pulley, and the entire thing will be triggerable as desired (motion, pressure mat, or manual).

Trick-or-treater approaches the house, unaware a skeleton is about to swing down from the roof and attack them. The torso is attached to a hinged piece of PVC and suspended by a wire that’s attached to a reverse-action pneumatic cylinder (meaning air pulls the thing shut). The cylinder is kept powered (aired) and the prop is normally retracted and hidden in the recess. When activated, the solenoid will cut air and the cylinder will drop open (gravity and spring), snapping the prop into scare position. At the same time, the PicoBoo will activate the scare sound and targeted lighting.

Post-drop concept. Our trick-or-treater, having barely just recovered from the motion-triggered Coffin Popper, is now assaulted by our skeleton from above. Note the sheer terror on the innocent child’s face – this is what Halloween is all about.

The cylinder is attached to a bit of 2×4, which is in turn attached to the stucco/wood in the recess, and the wire is threaded through an eye hook and attached via a drilled hole into the hinged PVC swingarm. The hinge action is a simple PVC “smaller through bigger” hinge. I did a lot of measuring to decide what stroke length I needed for the cylinder, but the bore size needn’t be huge as we’ll only be lifting about ~15lbs. I wanted to leave a “safe” 7ft of ground clearance when the prop was fully deployed, so I wouldn’t have to worry about tall folks getting whacked in the noggin. This left me with about ~32in of prop length – which serendipitously worked out perfect for a typical adult torso.

For a “proof of concept” teaser, check out the teaser video here.

Implementation & Actuals

Coming soon, stay tuned.

Finished Effect

Coming soon, stay tuned.

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coffee and pizza


Hey hey Thursday again, and I’ve written nary a word as the clock tick-tick-ticks towards 8pm. I could be working on the new tombstones, but I’m not. Usually, when I come home from work, I take everything out of my pockets, peel of my shoes and socks and get down to a pair of shorts and my undershirt and then collect my cellphone and head to the living room. When I forget my cellphone on the dresser, I can’t hear it from the front part of the house. So, I end up missing calls. Later, when I find my cellphone and see how many missed calls I have I rarely return any phone calls, and even more rarely listen to the pileup of voicemails. I don’t know why I don’t listen to voicemail, I guess I have some notion that, if people want to talk to me or tell me something, they’ll probably call back. I know it’s a dick point of view, but if you’ll remember I’ve never actually said I wasn’t a dick.

Today I came home for lunch and made a pizza, those frozen oven kind with a french bread crust. I had four of the smallish pieces and some soda before playing with Keaton for a while, kissing her forehead, and heading back to a packed day at the office. When I came home, I decided to once again not mow the lawn (this is perhaps my longest dereliction of the duty), and I held and kissed and played with the baby a little more before Sharaun left for a “girls night out” with friends. On my own for dinner, I surveyed the options: leftover spaghetti (my go-to, always works, never tired of it meal), leftover sausage and peppers (but I’d have to cook some rice to put it on), or the remaining slices of the very pizza I had for lunch. Faced with the choices, I went with pizza. So, today, I had coffee and pizza; that’s it. Coffee and pizza do not fine-dining make, my friends. Not by far.

Update: Seems Apple fixed the artwork issue with the release of iTunes 7.0.2, read here to find out how I got my artwork back. Read on for my original entry.

Anyone else having issues with their 5G iPod not showing album art anymore after firmware 1.2 and/or iTunes 7.0.1? I consider the album artwork display feature to be one of the better “perks” of the iPod, but also one of the most poorly implemented. Why do some MP3s with embedded artwork just “work,” while the iPod seems to ignore others? Why do I have to uncheck the “show artwork” and then recheck it to get the iPod to “optimize artwork” so it’ll display properly? Should the damn thing “optimize” it when I drop the files onto it? Why did the new firmware/iTunes break artwork for newly-added albums?

Last night, I tried to fix this and the damn thing ate all my lovingly added artwork and now I can’t get it back. Oh, it’s still embedded in the files – it shows up in iTunes, just not on the iPod. I was so angry, I just laughed. Yeah, I was that mad. This website says I should “remove all the tracks” from my iPod and then “re-synchronize it.” Great, except I don’t use the “synchronize library” feature, I manually manage the songs and have no established library with which I can re-synchronize (the measly 60GB that is my iPod represents a mere fraction of my entire music collection). Moreover, there’s no “approved” way to get the tracks currently on my iPod off my iPod so I can re-add them. I guess, I’ll use SharePod to take all the songs off my iPod, blank it out, and then re-add them through iTunes 7.0.1. Yeah, I’ll do that when I have 3hrs to spare…

I’m not the only one either, others are also struggling with album art issues in 7.0. Anyway, I’m hoping somone will hit this page with a Google search for the subphrases “artwork shows in iTunes” and “not on iPod,” and comment here with a quick-fix because this…

If you are in manual mode, the ONLY way to put artwork back onto your iPod right now is to add the artwork to the song in iTunes and then re-transfer those tracks back to your iPod. The artwork can be added either manually or automatically, but it must be added to the file in iTunes and then the file transferred to the iPod.

…is bullshit. Goodnight.